Boyfriend wants to move in together?

Question

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years now and have graduated college and he still has 4 months left of school. He talks about marriage and he even told me that he was going to propose at his graduation. We talked about moving in together, but i told him my beliefs of shacking up before marriage he thought that my beliefs were crazy. Then he went on to thinking that i was saying that his whole family was shacking up, which i wouldnt have a clue about that info. He is looking at a lot of his friends that have moved in together and are not married but a lot of there relationships havent worked out. I'm afaid to find a place with him because i hear things like there is no commitment, he could just leave and i would look like a fool. my boyfriend is 23 years old and i am 22, should i get my own place first and wait until we get married and how do i tell him this because he really doesnt care about shacking up he has lived with a women before but that didnt work out.

Answer 1

Do what u feel is best for u, but i live with my bf and we get along great we split the bills, grocerys, everything... So you think if your married he cant just walk out on you? Married men leave to, I dont think i will ever get married to many people have problems after marriage.

Answer 2

Yes, I believe you guys are too young to move in together, and the chances of you guys actually making it as a couple in marriage are way to high against you. I think you should get your own place FIRST,  then see how it works out with his own place and your own place... for the simple fact that when you visit each other YOU or HIm can go back to your own place when you are ready.. then you can get married and go from there once you guys see how each other Lives..

Answer 3

Your mature enough im sure to make up your own mind regarding this question...

Answer 4

"You go girl! Don't let him have the milk till be buys the cow"

lol

i agree and if ur Christan then i defiantly think you should wait till after marriage  

Answer 5

Dear guys  at this age r more intrested in s*x than love ,they dont know the meaning of love ,ya i will advice u to get ur own place and wait till u get married.

Answer 6

I would say that you could either:

Get your own place and have him move in when you are ready and if things don't work out, at least you know you can afford the rent by yourself. OR Put some faith into the relationship and move in with him before marrying him. Living with someone can show you their true selves. You may find that what he is at home, is not what you want to marry or maybe he will be a very great person to live with!

Answer 7

It is soooo convenient and tempting to shack up. I applaud your desire to not move in together. Look do you want to marry this guy? Not sure still want to date, than stay separate. Hate to ask does he have a job?

If you do break-up down the road, its much harder and ugly if you are living together. YOU ARE WAY YOUNG. You just got out of college? You as a 22 year old will not regonize yourself looking back when you are 30 years old. Meaning you will change a lot between now and your 30 b-day. You really need to learn to live alone and on your own.

Now if you really love him and he you, I would get take some serious counseling, church and secular couples counsiling, classes together. You are not buying a car, you're talking about the person you in theory will  be with for the rest of you life. Not a put down, partners for life is a beautiful thing.

Also engagement does not mean marrige, it means lets work on being marriage material. There is no guarantee. It is a time to discuss the big stuff and learn about you, your partner and get some realistic expectation of the future. Kids? Finance? Religion? Career? House work, cooking, cleaning.......Do your families get along. What does your family and friends think of him. This all matters. It does NOT get better if you move in or get married or have a kid, it gets worse.

Living together before may or may not affect you future success. Some say living together before marrige increases you chance of divorce. I don't believe that, but what can happen is when living together, its easy to just keep going. go with the flow because you are afraid to break-up, laziness or convenience. May be you get comfortable and stop growing.

You have not dated may guys have you? Now when I say DATE that means in our society s*x. I don't mean that, I mean go out for coffee or a movie or lunch, that is it. Get to know yourself first and what you like in a partner. There are a lot of guys out there.

You say your boyfriend wants to marry you. You also say he has lived with a woman before and he is only 23 years old. Look I don't know the guy and would hate some stranger commenting on my relationship to my girlfriend, but some thing sounds off. He might be the one who is a little "codependent", afraid of not finding another some one. As great as I am sure you are, he probably does not have a lot of experience either and may not know what he wants. May be he wants a Mommy to take care of him? Most men in their 20's with something on the ball are striving for their career and success. He wants to settle down. Not saying that is bad, but it is NOT typical guy attitude.

You NEED to get off the NET and talk to the dude and start some serious talks with some professional help or break-up, but moving in together should be off the table. Do you want to be his mommy? Moving in and or getting married because he wants it, is not a good reason. Don't be afraid to be honest. Again his desire to move in and get married seems a little atypical. I can be 100% wrong; you are the best judge not me.

Also say it does not work out. Your future boy friend and potential husband is not going to love the fact you shacked up. In fact it could affect your relation with another man, may be scare off some one you care about. WHY? Judgment. Men want some one with brains, that make good choices. Living together is like being married.  

Answer 8

You go girl! Don't let him have the milk till be buys the cow

Answer 9

tell him your not ready. understanding and respect are a part of a healthy relationship. let him know that you want to take that step when you both feel its right. that if you plan to marry, then you will have the rest of your lives to be together. that you want to continue to stablize yourselves in your careers, build a stronger foundation for your relationship. not that you are doubting your feelings for him, but want to be ready. that your decision to want to wait is out of respect for yourself, him and the relationship you share with him.