Brainwashing? Family does not want me to sue my uncle for childhood abuse?

Question

When I wanted to sue him for abuse my family has alwalys used the fact that i am crazy to influence the feedback Im given and have alwalys put any situation I have "in perspective" that everybody in the world is nice and has a "responsisbility" to do good unless they are "mean" litreally.And they say what my uncle did was "in the past" and willl never happend again and my own mother especially "puts" it into perspective" that everybody is nice and good .My family do not want me to sue my uncle and I have become with extreme mood swings because Im so confused with this "putting into perspective" and get extremely confused in situations where people (not my family) could't possibly be doing it for being "good and responisble people" but just because they have money to earn about it etc etc etc"..

Answer 1

i am in a simaler situation ,my uncle molested me ,everytime i bring it up with relatives ,iam told what about his wife my aunt and iam told not to because it will hurt her ,but there not able to see the hurt that i went through growing up with the abuse ,iam now 44 and a day does not got by that i dont think of it ,the humilation sitting across the table of a morning having breakfast always made my stomach turn and still does ,waiting night after night wondering if he will come into my bedroom ,it still sickens me ,i would like to be strong enough and say blow you all iam going to the police ,maybe one day ,good luck to all the survivors of sexual abuse.

Answer 2

It is not unusual for family members to behave as you have described. While not sexually abused, I was profoundly emotionally abused by my mother. Two of my three siblings deny it and have called me a liar. Both say that an adult puts their abuse behind them and goes on with their life, which is profoundly unhealthy advice to avoid a problem and deny the severity of its impact on your life. A fourth sibling corroborates my experience with her own abuse.

In my experience, families often do not have the ability to engage in direct confrontation or action. As a result, any member who chooses to act disrupts the family dynamic. S/he is often treated in the way you describe...after all, suing your uncle is taking action AND making the abuse public. I know how painful that can be...you are the victim, the person most in need to family solidarity and love right now.

Your uncle did one the worst things and adult can do to a child. He violated the trust that exist between child and a beloved relative. He is neither good nor nice. I hope you do not have to have contact with him at family functions. I find it frustrating that as a society we treat child abuse by family differently than that by a stranger. Here a family member has engaged in criminal behavior...and the victim is expected to sit down at the table with his or her abuser. Shocking.

Do you have a therapist? If not, it is critical that you find one. Whether or not you sue, you need an objective ally, someone who is concerned only for what is best for you in you development as a human being and does not have an agenda.

Having dealt with similar family reactions, I applaud your courage. I know how very difficult direct confrontation can be when you come from a family that tends to sweep "bad" things under the rug. You are very brave. I am sad that your family seems unable to see this or to support you in your journey toward healing. If you were my son, I would be so proud of you.