Brave the “Butt” Heart
A small chubby little boy, placed between his mama and his aunties sat in the dining area of a restaurant. Prim and proper, neatly dressed, he seemed to be the perfect little boy that any parent had ever wanted.
Or so they thought. Little did they know that this young adorable little boy was the little rascal they didn’t imagine him to be! He eavesdropped and gossiped all the tales of the aunty travails, their dirty affairs, some true and some even made up by his wishful thinking. This particular day, one very clever aunty caught the boy whispering some gossip about her in another aunty’s ear. Consequently, all the aunties and this boy’s mama decided to punish the little boy. They took his shirt, gave it a knot and made him wear it showing his belly bulge. Then he was asked to stand on the table and give the entire dining area occupants a belly dance show. The music started and he started dancing. It was the perfect nightmare as the laughs echoed louder and louder.
Gasping for breath, Mr. Butt woke up and looked at his watch. It was 3 am. He was having a nightmare. He sighed, knowing too well he was summoned the next day by the http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Pakistan-c755’s Standing Committee on Sports. He wiped the sweat off his forehead, took a tablet of xanax to help ease his anxiety and braced himself for the tough day ahead.
Standing before the Senate Committee, Mr. Butt was calm and resolute. He knew he had done nothing wrong as the head of the PCB. Butt had made sure that he spent only Rs. 6.4 million on his foreign tours. A tear sparkled in his eye. It was the tear of a man who had foregone the many luxuries of life a man ought to enjoy and spend a meagre amount on himself. He felt betrayed.
“Mr Butt, what have you contributed to PCB since you joined office?” inquired the parliamentary committee member.
Mr Butt looked down. He looked at them. He looked away. “I have given the PCB my good years. I have played the children in my own hands. They are not the National cricket team, they are my children. Look at Younis who is loved by everyone, look at Yousuf my chaste baby, look at Asif who smokes weed, look at Shoaib who just got liposuction. How beautiful they are. Oh, how I love them. I don’t let them play because it hurts me if they hurt themselves. I don’t want them hurt. Do you?”
The parliamentary committee responds in silence. Mr. Ijaz takes this as a cue to go on.
“What took the Sri-Lankan cricket board almost 2 decades; I managed to do in one day. By not providing adequate security, I ensured that the boys turn into real men. Look at Afridi. My boy...what a boy! How many cricketers do you know who eat cricket? Have you heard of a player who eats balls, cricket balls? I made him captain. Look at the happy couple of Shoaib and his wife Sania. I went to ask for Sania’s hand in marriage. Since I knew that there was little career left for my boy, I decided that it was time for him to settle him down.”
Parliamentary committee wiped their tears. They had never heard such a heart wrenching story.
“I banned my boys from playing the IPL for a year after the league refused to bid for them. However, I never said that my boys cannot play for the IPL. That would be wrong. Look at how http://www.senore.com/Cricket/Salman-c88163’s team performed. I have never been more proud of my boys. They played such good cricket. I asked them to not take catches which would hurt their hands. Would you want an entire team injured? Tell me oh committee I beseech you.”
The committee was in tears, hugging each other sobbing on each other’s shoulders, wiping their nose on the others shirt.
Ijaz was teary eyed too. He recalled brave heart and Mel Gibson in the last scene when the guards kept asking him to give in or they would gut him out. He closed his eyes just like Mel and yelled at the top of his voice. “FREEDOMM!!!” Echoing through the halls of the Senate -- Brave the “Butt” Heart.
(The writer uses his creativity and fiction to produce humour for a living)
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