Breaking Ice?

Question

Well my parents just told me I was adopted and now it is awkward being around my family (that I have lived with and loved for all of my 17 years) Can someone please give me some help?

I can tell they are in pain.

Answer 1

They are the same family that you've always none and the love that they have for you hasn't changed because they told you the truth.

Answer 2

It will take some adjusting. (not that they can do it now but i think they should of told you years ago)   They and you are the same people  ask question write them down if you can't remeber.

Answer 3

Wow, I am so sorry you're going through this. This is the time to reach out and get all the support you can, be it online, or through a counselor, especially one who understands the dynamics of adoption. You might get some names for your area through the links.  

You are very sensitive to be aware of their pain. I have to say, you need to take care of you. They have always known.... you haven't. My heart aches for you. Everything you knew to be true has changed. I think you're in a state of shock and when that wears off, there's going to be some anger. This is normal. I wish you the best. You've been given some great links and people that will help you.

Answer 4

a great comeback, tell them youre g*y

Answer 5

I have always know that I was adopted and that doesn't make it a lot easier to deal with. Look at it this way so they didn't tell you more than likely they didn't know HOW to tell you. What would you do differently had you known? Nothing they are the same parents that took you to football, baseball, cooked, cleaned and changed your diper fully knowing that you were adopted. You weren't born to them the way most children were you were born from their hearts. It's your right to ask questions but remember they are feeling as awkward as you are about this. Sit down and have a conversation about it don't get upset, don't yell, don't pass blame just talk about it.

Answer 6

Hey matthew!!! I am so sorry about the "late discovery" thats got to hurt. Talk about conflict of feelings.

I also wanted to offer you the link to an adoptee group :

http://www.adultadoptees.org

maybe you can find some validation on your feelings there too. I knew from a very young age that I was adopted so I don't know what its like to find out so late in life. A man I'm working with though started LateDiscovery.org ( the link that Laurie provided ) and he's doing a presentation on Late Discovery adoptees this month in Oregon at the American Adoption Congress conference.  Check it out!!!  I am so sorry this has happened, i send you strength to make it through these hard times.

Answer 7

Hi Matthew,

I'm sorry it's going rough.  I'm sure it won't be an easy adjustment for you and your family, and it will take time.  But, keep the lines of communication open.  Clearly you love your parents.  Just keep reminding them of that, too.  You guys CAN make it.  It will take time, patience and talking, though.

Did you get a change to read anything on these Websites for late discovery adoptees?  Hopefully you can find some useful information there.

http://www.latediscovery.org/index.html

http://www.adopting.org/LDA.html

Best to you and your family.

Answer 8

Can you explain this all to your a parents?  I'm sure you also have a ton of questions, too.  If you don't feel comfortable talking to them right now, can you go to a school counselor?  You're doing nothing wrong- so be strong and talk to someone who can help.

Answer 9

Hang in there.  Things are bound to be akward for awhile.  I have always known that I was adopted but I can imagine that you must have been shocked. You say you know that they are hurting, how do you feel?  They might be afraid that you are mad at them for not telling you and that you think less of them.  What were their reasons for waiting until you were 17? I would just make sure that you are open with them about how you are feeling.  It's okay to be mad at them for keeping such a big secret, it doesn't mean that you don't love them. They are still your family. Talk to them.  

You also have to make sure that you take care of yourself and figure out how you are feeling about all of this. It's natural to be worried about your family but don't neglect yourself! Being a teenager is tough enough without adding adoption to the mix!  Don't be afraid to talk to a counselor about your feelings.

Answer 10

Well that just shows how much they love you. They took you in and you arent even their biologically. Just be happy! Think of how lucky you are to have a wonderful family! <3

Answer 11

Matthew it's got to feel so awkward. You were given some really great links by LaurieDB in her answer to your question yesterday; please check them out. I think you really need to hear from other people who've walked in your shoes.

ETA - Look above ~! She gave you the links again. I really think they'll help.

Answer 12

They are still your parents and they still love you the same. They are same people who changed your diapers and stayed up with you when you were sick. They will always love you and you can't have too many people in your life who love you. Now you know someone else gave birth to you and for whatever reason, gave you up, that's one more person who loves you and as you get older, more people will come into your life and they will love you too. You may someday find your birthmom and many of your questions will be answered, and your parents will be there with you again.