Breakup via email after 4 years?

Question

My boyfriend and I were best friends first and then started a relationship. Everything was great but we were both married. I got divorced, then as he was going through his, his wife found out about us, freaked and now he says he's afraid to leave kids. He sent me an email saying he needs to try to work things out for the sake of his kids (I've got kids too) and so until things are settled one way or another with them he can't be talking to me. After 4 years??? An email? We never fought, and had the greatest relationship either of us had ever had.. why can't he call and say he's sorry or something?? It is so painful! I know he doesn't want me to call him.. he says he needs time. ???

Answer 1

You thought getting involved with a married man was a good idea why?  Do you not realize that married men RARELY leave their wives for the side-action, especially when there are kids involved?

Answer 2

he is being an adult. thinking about his kids, doing the right thing. time you did the same.  

Answer 3

He was never really getting divorced.  Things got way out of hand for him and he's ending it.  

Answer 4

Hahhahahah

I once broke up with a chick via text....it was great......

Answer 5

You got nothing less than you deserve. Next time, don't be an adulterer.

Answer 6

Bad enough you had an affair but to do it when you both have kids?  Shameless!  You're an awful person and need to start worrying about how you can be a better person that worry about what he's doing.  Leave him alone.

Answer 7

It is not nice what he did but I am not surprised.

Not everyone is like you: you know what you want - you got divorced, you chose to be in a relationship, etc. But he was still going through his divorce ( in my opinion, still not ready for this relation).

It was coward of him to email you instead of been a man an talk to you- but then you can see who he really is. You deserve better.  

Answer 8

you sound confused...as if you didn't already know he was a S**t when he was gettin' busy with you and his wife!

Answer 9

He might feel really bad. He probably doesn't have the guts in for him to break up with you. Because your relationship was so good with him, its harder for him to break up with you. I would be hard for me too, if the relationship was so GREAT & we didn't even fought.

Answer 10

Never get into a relationship with a married man......especially if you are married!

Answer 11

what did u expect. Ur the other women . Once a cheater there always a cheater. He isnt worth ur time. EMAIL how immature is that Move on you can do better.

Answer 12

Most of the mean answers here are from people who don't realize that your husband was emotionally abusive to you, and I think in the long run the divorce will be a positive thing (easy for me to say - right?).

Your boyfriend was your lifeboat, your light at the end of the tunnel.  4 years is a long time to have this bond with someone and then have him just change his mind and E-mail that to you.  I appears to me that someone who would do all of that to you is emotionally weak to begin with.  

Look at it this way, you get to start a new life - a new chapter for youself.  He gets to live the re-runs of misery with his wife.  His choice, your gain.

Answer 13

don't you get it?...he chose his wife and your feelings don't matter.

Answer 14

Wow some of these responses are harsh.....however you are not a bad person, you just made a mistake even if you haven't realized it yet.  Even though the relationship shouldn't have happened, I know you are hurting, but try and take this time to focus on yourself and your children just like he is doing.  

This whole thing really sucks but unfortunately this happens sometimes,  when you play with fire you are bound to get burned.  Please just take this as one of lifes lessons and move on.  Don't pine over him, don't focus on what he is going to do because you may very well find yourself miserable for the rest of your life while he lives his.    I know this is easier said then done, but be good to yourself, love yourself enough to focus on yourself and your children.  Maybe while you are healing you will see the error of your ways and then you can be open to the right Man.  A unmarried man that will give you the love and life that you want and deserve.

Answer 15

IDIOT!!!

B/c he don't want you!!!  A 4 year affair, your poor HUSBAND!!

I feel sorry for him that he married YOU!!  And you have the nerve to complain about getting a Break-up through email!!  PITIFUL!!

Answer 16

Breaking up via email is a coward's way out.  He probably didn't want to hear your crying voice, or maybe you begging him.  He took the easy way out and that was totally wrong.  I would give him time.  Neither of you should have gotten into a relationship when you were both married.  This kind of stuff is what happens when you do, so it shouldn't come as a huge shock.  However, he's still wrong.

Answer 17

That must have been so terribly painful for you. I do agree it was indecent of him after such a long time to end it via email.

However, perhaps this is an opportunity for you to put it into perspective. Sometimes when we're so caught up in a relationship, even an illicit one, we lose perspective. But you are being presented with the harsh reality now, and there is no way you can avoid facing it. He is married, with children. I don't mean to hurt you, but you do need to understand that despite the fact you had a great relationship, he is not yours, and he never truly was.

It is painful, I know, but he is, at last, doing the honourable thing and attempting to resolve his marriage, one way or the other. It is very important that you not be part of that picture so that he can give his marriage and children every chance. He has stated that he needs time, and he does. It may not work out, and he may leave her and be free to come to you. If that is the decision he arrives at, it is better for it to happen that way so that you can't be accused of being right in the middle of it and CAUSING his divorce. However, now is your time to reflect and prepare yourself for any eventuality. I'm sure you realise that it is also possible that they may work on their marriage and decide to devote themselves completely to one another and keep it together. They are married, and you must respect that.

You will heal in time, whatever the outcome with this man is. In future, though, don't give your heart to a man who is not free to receive it, nor to give his. You have let yourself in for an awful lot of pain, as, sadly, you are learning now.  

Answer 18

Because he's a coward!  Its not like you didn't know that...obviously, he was a coward to the wife too...he didn't take the initiative to tell her that there were problems between the two of them, and he didn't tell her about you.

You may have "never fought" but you didn't live with him YET and dealing with the stresses of the ex, the kids, etc.

And when you are the MISTRESS, you always have that RISK of being dumped at any time,  Sorry, but its true.