Breif short poem...what do you think?

Question

let me know what you think.....

I wish you were here

I wish you were close

and those are the times that I'm wishing the most.

I gave you that ring you wear on your hand

and like time in an hour glass, you slip away like sand.

I want you so bad to hold, and to touch

and that is because I love you so much.

And I want you to know whatever you do

I will always be here

and I will always love you....no matter what

Answer 1

well it is ok but i mean it a little to much for me and a little to mushy gushy love stuff.

Answer 2

That is very nice, but be a little strong hearted, if some one really loves you there is no need to remind, request, ask, wish, long for, claim etc., etc., but only and only to thank for ones kindness.

Answer 3

The whole thing rhymes except the last line, which is rather flat anyway—“no matter what” is a pretty banal sort of sentiment, especially to end a love poem with. I would suggest:

I want you so bad to hold, and to touch

and that is because I love you so much.

And I want you to know whatever you do

I will always be here

and I will always love you....even when I shoot you

Answer 4

It was OK. Maybe with practice you will get better.

Answer 5

i don,t know

Answer 6

truthfully i liked your other one better, but it was good =)

Answer 7

short and sweet.

but i heard better love poems.

good job though. .

Answer 8

honestly,start dosent make sense,too much rhymy,its good for a giftcard,its a bit sad aswell,what is it?shes broken up with you?

Answer 9

The three first lines are good. The forth line, "ring your wear on your hand" does not sound right. You usually say "finger". The fifth line is too long. Sixth and seventh, are ok. Then throughout the poem you rhyme, then in the eight, ninth and tenth you do not. That makes it sound strange too.

Keep practicing, or just go make up with her.

But, if this is a poem you put together to give to her, it is great, as a novice poet showing his love for his girl. It is from your heart which makes it the best poem in the world and she will be crazy not to love it.