Bridal shower for bride who lives with groom?

Question

Ok..maybe I'm getting old but isn't the idea of a bridal shower is to get gifts to set up your household. When I got married some 30 yrs ago I got household items at my shower to set up a new apt such as a toaster, towels, dishes and etc. What exactly do you give someone who has been living with the groom for 7 yrs? I think it is very rude to have a shower when you have been living together. What do you think?

Answer 1

well i didn't have a shower when me and my husband got married we did get gift for the wedding though and instead of gifts i enclosed a note with the invitations that asked people not to bring gift instead we will be doing a money tree. the money that we got we used towards our honeymoon. i had a very redneck wedding the whole thing coast around 6-7 hundred dollars and we had it at the local sportsman's so there were deer heads hanging on the wall and beer in the cooler

Answer 2

IMO, when a couple has been living together for a few years it takes away the meaning of the wedding. What's the point in all the expenses and all the ceremony when nothing is changing for the couple and they'll prolly break up in a couple years anyway?

Answer 3

Do you think she's having the shower to get gifts, or just to get-together with friends?  Ask her and see what she says.  You could do this fairly tactfully and just ask if there's anything she particularly wants for the house.  If it is expensive, a few of you could chip in and buy it together.

When we got married, we'd been together for 15 years, so when people asked about gifts we told them that we didn't want any, so people bought us champagne instead (which was very nice of them!).  She might not actually be expecting gifts, so the only way to find out is to ask.

A bit of a party to celebrate her impending wedding is a good idea though - a few drinks, a gossip and a laugh.  Nothing wrong with that.

Answer 4

I have a bee in my bonnet about that too.

However, most brides don't give showers for themselves, the showers are arranged by the maid of honour and the mother of the bride.

Many bridal showers I've attended where quite a suprise to the bride herself, as they were suprise showers.

My rule of thumb is that I won't go to a shower (or give a gift) unless I've been invited to the church. I don't have to be invited to the reception, just to the church. I'm peevish that way.

For older couples who been together before they got married, money is the best option. If I give money at the shower, they get nothing for the wedding...again, I'm peevish that way. I don't like it when I am expected to cough up the dough or presentsm twice in  for the same couple.

Don't even get me started on the flipping "fund raising" events put on in some circles to grab even more $$ for the happy couple.

Answer 5

I think they are starting a New life as man and wife and new items help this out.  You can always give a gift card..  if you think the household itme thing is too much.  

FYI... I work with a 50+ year old lady who just got hitched again for the 3rd time... she was given a bridal shower, bacheloretter party ... it was a bit too much the two.

Answer 6

Since you are asking this question in etiquette, the answer is no, a woman should not have a bridal shower when she is living in sin. But since our society places no real value on the sanctity  of marriage, they should make it a jack and jill shower or an engagement party, where gifts are not expected.  They will get wedding gifts...that is a reward for finally making their union licit.  

The best option is to decline the invitation to such a shower and  not send a gift.   Better yet, get the bride a non returnable book on having a good marriage, she will need it since couples who live together have a 75% chance of divorce.

Answer 7

I never got squat from my family and friends when I was getting married so I can't answer this question other than if you respect your friends at all, you will celebrate their happiness with them and not insult them for their happiness.

get over your old timer diseases.  Here in the real world, people do a lot of things you may not agree with.  If you are there for them in good AND bad, then you alone will know you are a good person and they will remember that aswell.

Answer 8

Times have changed.  

The Brides and Grooms of most of the weddings I have attended over the past 15 years or so have their own children (children they have born together) as the flower girls and ring bearers.  It is very common.  These Brides also wear white.

It isn't really rude to have a Bridal Shower for a couple who have been living together -- it is a celebration of their commitment to each other.  And although they have already "set up house", there are probably many things they still need.

Answer 9

I agree! A Shower is there to help a young women learn how to become a wife, with advice from married women, and the gift are there to help her start a home, but when she has already done these things then a Shower is just her being greedy wanting presents.

Edit- But then that's our Society for ya

Answer 10

I think the idea of a shower is to celebrate a joyous occasion.  While I don't believe in living together before marriage, I will celebrate the fact they are getting married.