Brides and Bridesmaid please help?

Question

okay, my close friend is getting married in December. she asked my sister and i to be bridesmaid (7 bridesmaid). we put a down deposits on a 300 dollars dress, the rest is due in August. all other expenses for the wedding are: hair, make up, and shoes. I'm a college student, so i struggle a lot with money. the MOH just sent us an email asking us for 300 dollars each for a bridal shower for her. i've been a bridesmaid before, and i never spent that much money on a dress or a shower. i thought the parents of the bride and groom was responsible for the bridal shower. am i stressing this too much, or is this asking for too much?

Answer 1

Try to contribute what you can -- tell her that you simply can't afford another $300, but you could do $100. That way you *are* trying to help!

Sometimes the parents of the bride may help pay for the shower, but typically, the bridesmaids do throw it.

Answer 2

So the MOH is putting together a $2,100 bridal shower? What are the favors -  chunks of gold? That's ridiculous and, no, you are not over reacting. Simply tell the MOH that there is no way you can pony up $300 for the shower and tell her how much you can offer.

Answer 3

Oh, my gosh! Maybe I am a bit old fashioned here, but to expect someone to contribute that much for a shower is ridiculous! Around here the entire shower may cost $100...maybe. Usually the shower is held at a church basement or a family members house, simple invites are mailed out, decorations are simple, sometimes flowers are from the garden out back, someone makes a corsage from flowers or small kitchen utensils, food is open faced sandwiches, chips, a salad, mints, nuts and cake. A small decorated cake is ordered and everyone else brings a cake they have made for serving. What is so expensive about that? The brides still gets gifts, sees friends and family, and knows that no one has to go in debt to put on a shower. Wow, things sure have changed in this world!

Answer 4

that is a HECK of a lot of money for one wedding. i think the most i ever spent on bridesmaids expenses (dress, hair, and shoes) was like $200. i managed to reuse the shoes i wore at my own wedding, thank god.

no family member of the bride and no immediate family member of the groom should EVER host the bridal shower. but $300 from every bridesmaid?!? that comes to--let's see--$2,100 for a shower....are you arriving in limos? eating gourmet food and cakes?

i think that you need to stand up and tell her that $100 each for a shower is excessive, let alone $300. you all have living expenses, too, and can't be expected to give up your grocery budget or water bill so your friend can party.

good luck!

EDIT why doesn't she just have the wedding before the shower and then the shower will actualy be her reception.

i mean, what kinds of favors and prizes are the MOH planning to distribute--gold necklaces, diamond earrings, spa days, fashion sprees? you and your fellow bridesmaids need to nip that in the bud before it gets out of control....

Answer 5

Gee whiz thats a lot of money. I feel you on the money thing. I agree with the first post that you should talk to the bride...She asked you to be in her wedding so she should understand your situation. Thats one expensive bridal shower! I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 6

That's nonsense.  If the MOH is throwing the shower, then she is responsible for paying for it.  End of story.  If you are throwing it, you pay for it.

Answer 7

You have to put your foot down now; before it gets worse...If the bridesmaids are responsible then everyone should have a say so in what and how  much they could afford.  (This vision belongs to a select few and money may not be a problem for them!)  You said that you are close to the bride...she should know what you can afford and RESPECT it.  You will end up resenting people if you don't at least speak up.  And do it now- while things can still be changed.

Answer 8

No, that's a very expensive dress, and VERY expensive shower (sometimes the family throws the shower, sometimes the bridesmaids - there's no rule). You can't really do anything about the outfit, but you can email the MOH back and let her know that unfortunately, you can't contribute $300 to the shower. Tell her what you can comfortably afford, and offer to help in other ways - preparing food, decorating or cleaning the shower location for the party, etc. You should never be put into an uncomfortable financial situation for someone else's wedding.

Answer 9

Wait, that's the shower?!  That's crazy!

I think it's ridiculous that people plan something without including the others and expect them to just fork over the demanded amount of money.  Unless you want to put yourself in debt (which is not a good idea) you have to level with the maid of honor and tell her that you just cannot afford an additional $300 to put towards the "shower" but you would be happy to help her plan a smaller (more appropriate) shower.

Answer 10

That seems like an awfully over-the-top bridal shower!  First of all, the bride and the MOH should have been completely up-front about all the costs you were responsible for from the beginning.  If you agreed to be a bridesmaid under the false pretense that all you'd have to shell out was $300 for a dress, as well as extra cash for make-up, hair and shoes (probably another $200), they can't just suddenly spring another $300 charge on you.  I really think this whole bridal shower nonsense has gotten way out of hand anyway- there was a time when the bride-to-be and a few close woman friends and relatives would gather at one woman's house and eat some cake and have tea while she opened modestly priced household gifts.  Now it's like this second reception, as you said- $2100 for the whole shower?  Preposterous!!  I know it's hard, but just tell the MOH, "I'm sorry, but I can't afford the money for the shower.  Nobody told me to expect that cost when I agreed to be a bridesmaid, and as a college student, I'm already stretching myself pretty thin with the other bridesmaid expenses plus gifts."  She should be able to understand that.

Answer 11

That sounds about right for the dress ( but I do live in expensive *** NYC) but that 300 apiece for a shower sounds like a lot, too much in fact.  Are they renting the Taj Mahal or something.

No dear the MoH and the bridesmaids are generally responsible for the bridal shower.  It is an open bid for gifts that should not be hosted by the bride or her family.

IF this is too much for you, tell the MoH that you cannot afford 300 but give her what you can afford.

Answer 12

Whoever is hosting the shower is responsible to cover the costs. In this case, and most cases, it is the bridesmaids who host the shower.

I have to say thats a lot of money for a shower 300 x 7= 2100... what are they serving, a 5 course lunch?

Personally I think the best showers are intimate affairs with a small guest list, some food, and great conversation!

If you dont like where this bridal shower is headed, you should tell the MOH right now that you have to sit this one out. Then you wont be a "host". But its better to tell her now than later. It was wrong of her to plan this without consulting the other hosts.

Answer 13

I cant believe that she asked you for 300.00 for a bridal shower.. that is one expensive shower and unless the bride is really extragagent im sure she will understand if she doesnt have a 2100.00 bridal shower. I am a bride to be and my bridal shower was 3 weeks ago and it was great a intimate party with munchies and cake thats it. I dont think its right that the MOH is asking for so much money all together you are going to end up spending 800-900 dollars on a wedding that you are standing up in... I would never want my girls to spend that much money on my wedding. The MOH and bridesmaids are responsiable for the bridal shower not the parents but its all of them together not just one saying give me money. hope this helps a bit!

Answer 14

that's ABSURD. a dj for a shower?!  thats a wedding reception... maybe the moh has never done this before??  someone needs to step in asap that's wayyy out of hand.  as for the dress, i think 300$ is a lot for the bride to ask of you (and is she asking for hair shoes and makeup also? cuz she should pay for that then if she's requiring!!!)... maybe you guys should talk to her about dress shopping for a cheaper dress. you can definately find nice dresses for much cheaper and unless she's paying for those accessories you should have the option to take care of it yourself.  

the bridal shower can be thrown by anyone and often the bridesmaids do and the moms help or the moms do it or just the bridesmaids do it... it can be worked out anyway you want... maybe no one has asked the moms about it? even if the girls throw it you should throw something you can handle and make it reasonable... that just sounds crazy.

Answer 15

you are not stressing too much.  being a bridesmaid costs A LOT of money.  simple tell the MOH that there is no way that you can pay an additional $300 for the shower, but offer to help in any way w/ the planning, decorating, etc.  but in my experience, it is better to simply gently tell the bride that you are honored to be asked to participate, but that you simply cannot fulfill all the bridesmaid duties.