Bridesmaid Nightmare?

Question

I'm wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and can give me some advice. One of my best friends was scheduled to get married this coming August. He fiance called off the wedding, then it was back on and now it is cancelled indefinately. My friend is hanging onto hope that they will still get back together and walk down the aisle by Christmas. She is one of my closest friends and I love and support her through it all. My problem:The bridesmaid dresses were $300 (!!) and we paid half up-front and are still owing the remainder now. The store will not refund our money and the only option is to forfeit the $150 we've already paid- or to fork over the $150 still owing. My friend has said that she doesn't care what we do. I kind of feel like her fiance should be the one paying for the dresses...but I don't know what the protocol is- plus I don't know how or if I should to bring it up. Am I being selfish for even thinking this way? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

So let me get this straight? The fiancé should pay for deciding that he doesn't want to marry her anymore? That makes no sense at all. You guys agreed to buy the dresses on your own. Deal with it. Take the financial hit or buy it and sell it. From a guy's point of view, he shouldn't have to pay you back for the dress that you chose to buy.

It is similar to a conditional offer of employment. They are at liberty to cancel the offer at any point. Don't sound so selfish. Do you know why he REALLY called off the wedding?

Also, I understand that it is hard for her to be having her engagement cancelled, but apparently the guy didn't feel it was the right time to get married. Perhaps they have/d problems you are not familiar with?

(If I am sounding like an arrogant pig, I do not apologize. I am looking at it from the male perspective.)

Answer 2

there is a woman who just got $150,000when her fiancee left her 2 days b4 their wedding day. suggest that to ur friend. sue his dumb behind for that cost.

Answer 3

pay for the dress and save it for her when she finally does marry and asks you to be her bridesmaid again.

donate it to charity for a group that gets gowns for proms and formal dances for underprivileged girls.

eBay it and get what you can

sue the one who is responsible for canceling the wedding or sue both the bride and groom for reimbursement.

Answer 4

Personally if I liked it, I would buy the rest of it. If I didn't like it, I would just let the $150 go... I don't think I'd ask my friend to sue her fiance! If she wanted to make that choice she could make that herself... but putting that pressure on her (letting her know that it's what you want) when this is happening? I wouldn't go there... I guess you may be able to suggest it without letting her know that it's what you want.. but that's impossible b/c she knows that you are wondering about the money regarding the bridesmaid dress.. So personally I don't think it's a good idea to say anything, at least right now.

Also think about it this way--- for now, you don't have to give her a present! So you're saving THAT money. And if you buy the dress, and she has the wedding, she'll likely allow you all to use the same dresses and therefore you wouldn't lose any money.

Answer 5

If the fiance will not pay the remainder of the bill, the bridesmaids should probably go ahead and buy them, and then try to sell them on e-bay or something and get at least part of their money back.

If you don't think you can sell them for at least 1/2 what you paid for them, then maybe the best idea is to just forfeit your deposit.

The only other alternatives I can see would be to try and get the would-be bride to help you out here, or buy the dress and donate it to charity and at least get a tax write off.

Weigh your options and discuss it with your friend and the rest of the wedding party.  Chances are if the wedding does not happen with this groom, your friend will want to do something completely different so as not to remind her of these plans that didn't work out, and even if she did, the seasons\/style, the girls, and the sizes might not be the same the next time around.

The sad thing is, she probably has a whole lot more invested in this such as her own dress, invitations, rentals, etc. that she will lose, so it would be a great gesture of friendship if you all could just suck it up and take the hit on this rather than adding to her inconvenience and pain here.

Answer 6

buy it and sell it on ebay or a consignment shop.. also craigs list. how did you pay for it? were they already ordered? you could try getting the $$ back through your CC or stop payment on the check if it has not been cashed yet..

Another option, you could always talk to the bridal shop, and if another party is ordering the same dress, they may be willing to let you know so the party could buy the dresses directly from you. (i doubt it because the store will see it as lost profit, but maybe they will be a little understanding about it... never hurts to ask.)

he should be paying for it, but unless you sue him he prob won't offer.. you need to decide if it is worth the hassle of small claim court (and the possibility that you may not win)....

good luck

Answer 7

I'd forfeit the money.  It's a nice idea to sell it on eBay or give it to charity, but you're not likely to net more than the $150, and nobody wants bridesmaid dresses.  Usually the bridesmaids don't even like them.  You're not being selfish, and I don't know that there's any protocol - it would be nice if the on-again-off-again fiance refunded the other $150, but I wouldn't count on it.  I pretty much agree with Kristen above.

Answer 8

You can just buy it,

then sell it on eBay or something like that,

if you don't want it anymore. That way,

you get your money back. Unless you want

to keep it just in case the wedding happens, than that's a different story. Do whatever you feel is

appropriate.

Answer 9

Wow, that's a rough situation...I'm so sorry for your friend, who is probably so upset right now, she honestly can't think about what to do about dresses that are 1/2 way paid for--and I honestly can't blame her.  And, I agree with you, her ex-fiance SHOULD bear all costs of cancelling the wedding, it's not going to happen.  AND, I don't think you're selfish at all about feeling concerned about the dress--it's alot of money!  I would probably look at it this way--is the dress something you're likely to wear to ANYTHING?  (for a $300 dress, I'd hope so!)   If so, then I'd probably go ahead with the additional payment, at least you've got a dress out of it, rather than paying $150 to the store and getting nothing out of it.  However, if you hate the dress, and were only buying it because it was for your friend's wedding, then I'd probably want to cut my losses at $150, and move on.  I'd also probably consider how likely you think it will be that a.) the wedding will be back on and b.) she'll use the same dress.  

IF the wedding is back on--and you guys have cancelled your dress orders, I'd suggest to the bride that she NOT select a dress that's so expensive for the maids.  Maybe she should pick a color, and let the maids select their own dresses this go around.  

I wish you and your friend the best.  Just be her friend and continue to be supportive of her during this rough time.  And, remind her (when she's able to hear it) that ending an engagement is rough, a divorce is worse.  She'll be better off in the long run, believe me.

Answer 10

My opinion is to just eat the money you already put down and don't bring it up again.  Especially you said she is a really good friend.  It's not her fault the guy she thought she was going to marry turned out to be a complete bonehead.