Bridesmaid planning on hosting and planning entire bridal shower without MOH???

Question

So yesterday I went over to one of my bridesmaids' houses and she started getting all excited and talking about my bridal shower (which is 6 months away), pulling up dates on the calendar, talking about food, decorations, presents, favors, and even offering up her apartment to hold it in! I'm very flattered and feel really grateful to have such a good friend, but shouldn't my maid of honor (who I've been friends with since 14, we are 25 now) be expressing the most interest in planning the bridal shower? The BM is very organized and loves to plan ahead of time, while my MOH is a last-minute type of girl. When I brought it up with her that my BM wants to take care of most of the planning, she said "great! She can plan the whole thing if she wants to!" and always tells me it's too far away to think about any plans so far.

My question is: isn't it the MOH's duty to plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party? Also, since it is tradition to get the MOH a slightly bigger gift than the other BM's, but my BM is going above and beyond while my MOH is not doing much, should I get the BM the bigger gift? Has this happened to you? I'd love to hear similar stories! Thanks!

Answer 1

You're right, traditionally it's the MOH responsibility to plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party. It's also not always a bad thing to break tradition. If you have a BM that is super organized and loves party planning, well, then let her at it. :) I'm sure your MOH will come through for you when it's necessary.

As far as the gift goes, I've never heard of the MOH getting a bigger gift, but maybe that's just the tradition in my area. If you did want to get your BM a little something for planning the party I'm sure it would be appreciated though. Just give it to her the day of the party.  

Answer 2

My BM was one of those people who is super organized and loves to have everything planned out ahead of time. She started getting a little worried when my MOH hadn't planned the shower. I wasn't all that worried because it was still several months away and I knew that my MOH would get it done - but she just gets things done at the last minute. That's just the type of girl she is.

However, my BM wanted to get things done at that point so she wouldn't have to worry about anything. She talked with my MOH and pretty much took over the duties of the bridal shower. My MOH helped, don't get me wrong, but my BM was definitely the type of girl who wanted things done ASAP.

My MOH planned the bachelorette party though. It all worked out great in the end.

What I did for my BM was I got her an extra gift after the bridal shower. I gave her a GC for her and her husbands favorite restaurant a few days after the bridal shower because she was so generous with allowing us to use her house, the decorations, etc.  

Answer 3

This happens a lot. Your friend is who she is and you knew in advance that she's a throw it together at the last minute girl.  To expect her to behave differently now is a bit silly.

just go with the flow.  You have her as your MOH because she's a special friend who is important in your life not for her party planning abilities.  Get her a special present because she's your MOH.  Let the super organized BM continue planning the shower--she seems to be enjoying herself and get her a special gift for all the trouble she's going through.

you don't need to add any more stress to yourself.  This part looks like it's working itself out fine on it's own.

Answer 4

I think this happens more than you realize.  I picked a friend I had known longer for my MOH, and even though I realized she lived a bit of a ways away, she was no where to be seen for my showers, etc.  One of my other BM was very helpful and to this day, she always claimed that she should have been the MOH...and she's right!   I would keep the gifts all the same.  I personally didn't do anything different for the MOH than what was done for all the girls.

I would suggest that you pass along the phone numbers of the MOH and BM for them to work out.  Chances are pretty high that the organized BM will make sure everything is plannned appropriately and she would probably have a blast planning it.  And I'm guessing that your MOH probably doesn't care and might not even be interested in party planning--not everyone is into that.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Bigger gift?  I never heard that one.  

As for who plans your party, you need to butt out. :P  I mean that nicely.  They are planning the party & if the MOH is cool with the BM taking the reins, let'em have at it.  It's up to them.  I'm sure they can work something out with payment, place, etc.  But really it's their call.  Sounds like you'll have a good time!

Answer 6

All of my bridesmaids and maids of honor (i have two) planned everything together... they all called, emailed, and texted.

While my maids of honor were sending invites and planning days, the other girls were contantly kept in the involvement thru everything...

I think the best thing for your BM to do is consult with the MOH and the other BM's to make sure if they want to be a part of the planning, to go right ahead...

And even though I have two MOH and 3 BM, I am buying them all an equal gift, I think that the honor of the MOH is a huge honor and I thank them all the time, have taken them to lunch and dinner to say thanks... even paid for one of their dresses.

Its not about gifts and who is supposed to do what, they are your friends first.

I would just ask the BM to stay in contact with the other BM's and MOH to see if they have any input also...

Answer 7

Let them decide who does what. People have different strengths and they're using them.  If it meant so much for the MOH to be the MOH, maybe it's because she has a strength that's important to you. Like her calming presence on the big day?

As for the gifts, they usually all get the same thing.  You could discreetly give the helpful one a little something extra, but make sure the others don't see.