Bridesmaids, I only want 1 now!?

Question

I asked 2 friends to be bridesmaids. Now I am thinking I just want the one. It is a very small wedding with a budget, and finacially it would also make sense. I thought about thinking of asking the girl I want to drop to do a reading, but dont think she would, otherwise I have no other 'special' job to offer her and would just be dropping her. She will be upset I know. But the way I feel I only really need one. The one I want to keep has been very helpful and supportive during the planning.

Answer 1

You just shouldn't. You asked, she accepted, and as long as she's fulfilled her part of the bargain then it's not fair to cut her out. "Dropping" your friends in any way is just cruel and selfish.

As far as who pays for dresses, etc. in my neck of the woods (MN), the bridesmaid is always responsible for her own dress and shoes. I had a friend now that's been in about 10 weddings (I call her a professional bridesmaid) and she always bought her own dress.  Since your on a budget maybe you can talk to them about helping with the cost.  

Answer 2

Just be honest. Sit down with her and explain that your finances are more limited than you originally planned for, however you still want her to be party of the ceremony and you would be most grateful if she would be willing to do a reading for you.

I've been in several weddings and have always paid for my own dress, shoes and hair styling. I never heard of the bride paying for the dress of a bridemaid. See if there's a place that rents bridemaid dresses, that's what I did. At my wedding I went with my maid of honor and one of the bridesmaid's to pick out an inexpensive, but classy dress for them to wear and it cost about $100.  

Answer 3

I'm not sure how this would benefit you financially, as she would still be a guest, so you would still be paying for her reception food and drink. Bridesmaids typically pay for their own dress, hair, make-up, nails, hotel room, etc. There's really no cost to you.

Unless for some reason you've generously offered to pay for everything. But even in that case, you've already asked her, and I dunno, that seems a little weird to me.

But if you know it's something you'd regret down the line, just speak to her nicely and say, "I feel terrible, but I have to ask if you wouldn't mind stepping down as my bridesmaid. Some financial issues came up and it's not going to work."

Overall though, I would put in the effort to keep her, unless you've had some sort of falling out or something.

EDIT: FYI, it's very rare that bridesmaids have their dresses, etc., paid for by the bride, so if you sit down and talk to the bridesmaids and say, "We're on an incredibly tight budget, you'll have to buy your own dresses," they would be more than understanding, if they're good friends. That's how it usually is anyway. Usually brides only pay for their bridemaid's dresses if their budget is unlimited.

Answer 4

Since you state that one of the bridesmaids has been very helpful in the planning, it sounds to me that the wedding is fairly far along.  I don't think you tell a bridesmaid at that point, that you have changed your mind.  You should just manage with the 2 attendants--too late now.

Answer 5

If you only want one bridesmaid then that is your decision. Either way asking a friend to step down as a bridesmaid to do a reading isn't going to be easy. But hopefully she is mature and able to handle your decision with grace. I know that I would personally be hurt, but your reasoning sounds perfectly sensible so I would accept the job doing a reading instead.

Just tell your friend that because of the budget you can only have one bridesmaid at this point. Tell her it was a tough decision, but your other bridesmaid has really been helping you out through the whole planning process.

Hopefully she will be able to accept your decision.

Good luck!  

Answer 6

How much is it costing you to keep the second bridesmaid in the wedding? If she's paying for her own dress/shoes/etc, I can't imagine how it could make that much of a difference whether she's a bridesmaid or doing something else (like a reading) - you're still paying for her to go to the wedding, her reception food, etc. Is there another way you can cut costs?

If it's a personal issue, that's different. You mentioned that the other girl has been very helpful and supportive...does this one have a bad attitude?

If you do elect to drop her as a bridesmaid, be prepared for the consequences. Many friendships have been irreversibly tarnished or lost entirely because of situations like this.

Answer 7

Since you already asked both of them to do the job, it is really not a good idea to take back that invitation.  That would put a definite strain on even the closest of relationships.  I would advise to save as much $$ as you can to accommodate your initial wishes or have the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses (perfectly acceptable) and (if applicable) airline tickets.  Explain to both of them that you are on a limited budget.  

Answer 8

Have you picked and paid for the dresses? You don't have to pay, it doesn't matter who does what... some spend $6000 on their wedding gown does that mean you should too?

My bridesmaids understand that budget is tight and they really want to partiicipate and be in the pictures together.... so I researched like mad and found bridesmaid dresses for $90! Check http://www.gojane.com Beautiful dresses and quite adorable.

I think one bridesmaid is not really a bridesmaid since visually nothing really matches and it'll just be another guest. Just express your concerns and let them decide. Usually people buy a dress for the wedding they're going to so they might not really have a problem with it all. Or you can just pick a specific color like baby pink and let them find their own dresses.

All the best and congrats :)

Answer 9

DON'T fire her!

You asked so let her be in the wedding.

Most bridesmaids pay for their own dress!

The only expense you will have is a small

token gift for her the day before the wedding!

Don't lose a friend over something so small!

Answer 10

If you only want 1, then that is how it should be. If the one you want to keep is being helpful and supportive, maybe you need to just sit down with the other bridesmaid and let her know that you want to keep it small. She shouldn't be upset because she has not been as supportive or whatever as the other one. I guess it doesn't really make too much of a difference if you have 2 or 1, but it is your wedding and you make the rules. Tell you are sorry, etc. and that you still want her to be a part of the wedding. Just let her know that you want her there and involved. Good luck.

Answer 11

keep both, no big deal and has nothing to with the cost..

Answer 12

Here's what you do. You tell her that you want to scale down the wedding and that you love and trust her and you have something that is vital for her to do. Have her do the reading or whatever but then also have her be the liason for the photographer making sure that he/she gets the pics you want and also kind of stand in as an usher for you.