Bridesmaids Blues. Help???

Question

One of my bridesmaids is my ex's sister. She is my soul sister and I love her dearly. We clicked from the day we met and have been close ever since (10 years now). My fiance's mother and sister have recently decided that it is an insult to them and my fiance that my soul sister is going to be one of my bridesmaids. My fiance's family and my soul sisters family have been friends forever. My fiance has no problem with it and has told his mother and sister that our wedding party has nothing to do with them. But now my soul sister has found out and is uncomfortable at the tension she thinks she caused and has told me she not only wants to pull out but she thinks it would be best if she doesn't come to the wedding, this way she won't cause any fuss.

I'm really gutted. I want her to at least attend my wedding. And I want her in my wedding. My fiance has told her not to listen to his mother and sister. But she still wants out.

I'm not going to replace her if I can't change her mind.

Should I just let her go or do everything I can to get her to participate?

Answer 1

I think that everyone needs to be reminded that this is your wedding, and that your soul sister should be there because she plays an important part in your life.  Your fiance supports having her in the wedding and you would love to have her there, so talk to her and let her know how important it is to you and to not worry about what everyone else is saying.  You're the bride and it's your day, dammit!

Answer 2

I hate it when people try to take over your wedding day and make drama.... One thing you should understand is that your soon to be husbands family is more protective than your soon to be husband what is up with that? I would be mad at his mother and sister and I would make my soon to be husband make it better..... He should call his mom and sister and ask what has this nice women ever done to you two???? if nothing~~ but be born into the same family as my soon to be wifes ex boyfriends family then why is that her fault..... Why are they punishing her  for that..... A real true friend would stand next to you with pride as a "I'LL SHOW YOU" type of gesture to the mom and sister!  It is NOT their day it is yours and you will never forgive them if she is not in it and there beside you.... Your happiness should be what is most important here! the mom and sister should stay home for causing unneeded STRESS!! good luck with this family hun :) The hubby sounds nice that is good :)

Answer 3

absolutely do what you can to get her to participate.  its not like you're having your EX stand up in your wedding, you're having your FRIEND stand up in your wedding and how you happen to know each other is A) no one's business B) doesn't really matter.  your happiness on your wedding day matters and that would be unfair to you, and your friend, if your in-laws would actually allow that to happen-the fact that they said something in the first place is a little out of line if you ask me, it is really none of their business as your fiancee said.  

do what you can to get her to participate.  show her all of the lovely responses you have gotten thus far if you have to, she sounds like she is a nice person, so i am sure if you talk to her about it and stress how important it is that she stands up in your wedding, then she will come around.  

good luck with everything!

Answer 4

That is a tough one.  But if your fiance told her to ignore his mother and sister, then you should try and convince her that it is your wedding, and you have the right to make ALL the decisions.  But you might want to realize that you are going to have to see the mother and sister at their family gatherings for years to come, and do you really want to make them angry?  My best suggestion would be to sit down with them and discuss this in a mature manner, and help them understand that this is your wedding, and that you do respect their opinions, but she is one of your oldest and dearest friends, and it is important that she be a part of your wedding.  I also think it is important that they have the opportunity (I said opportunity, not right) to tell you why they have these feelings about your friend.  They are probably baseless, but you will at least have the information up front.

Then, once you have the real scoop, then go talk to your friend, and tell her that it would not be as special a day without her!  Good luck, and tell your fiance I am impressed that he is behind you, and not catering to his mother!  What a great husband he will make!  Stands up to his family for you.  You are really blessed!  Count your blessings.

Answer 5

Your fiance is one in a million.  But I do understand how your friend must feel.  It breaks my heart to think that she won't be in the wedding because of the situation.  

I hope you both do everything you can to help her change her mind.  Best of luck.

Answer 6

Tell her it will hurt you more for her not be be standing with you then any tension that some people may be feeling.  that the wedding is your and your fiance and you are both fine with it ands thats all that really matters.

Answer 7

It's your wedding and if it means that much to you that she's in your wedding, do everything you can to try and get her to stay. Have a heart-to-heart with her and tell her exactly how you feel! Also, kudos to your fiancee for supporting you and standing by your decision!! Good Luck!

Answer 8

In the end everyone must make their own desicions,regardless of what everyone else might think of their desicions.Mabey if you tell her that and tell her that it's really important to you that she atleast attends,she may come around.But if not,you should not let it interfer to much with your friendship.

Answer 9

Get her to participate. Tell her that the day wouldn't be the same without her. It sounds like you have a wonderful man there by the way.

Answer 10

Your soul sister is a saint. What a great and noble thing she has done - sacrificing her own joy at watching one of her best friends get married to keep strife out of the festivities.

You said that your fiance has spoken with his mother and sister but apparently he wasn't firm enough. Perhaps he needs to restate his feelings - including emphasizing the fact that your (both of you) wedding part has absolutely nothing to do with them and that they are ruining the entire day for you two. Then he needs to INSIST that they formally apologize to your soul sister for their unkind remarks and beg - yes beg - her to reconsider her generous offer to step down - and be your bridesmaid.

I bet that would change soul sister's mind.

Answer 11

That's easy, short and sweet. It's your wedding. She's your soul sister. It would be a different story if your fiancee was against it, but it's not him. Do everything in your power to get her to be there. It will not be the same without her there, and you will not be as happy on your wedding day if she's not there. Good luck!