Bridesmaids and their outfits? UK only please?

Question

I'm getting married next April and as I'm only 19 I'm on a tight budget.

I was originally having 3 bridesmaids, and i made a deal with them straight from the start that if i pay for everything else needed to be bought and asked if they could buy the shoes. I found a pair of shoes that only cost £9.99 and told them. 2 of my bridesmaids have bought them but the other one has started giving me hassle and telling me that she has been told that she don't have to buy any bridesmaids things and that i have to get them. She has made it very stressful for me and as she is my step sister i've gotten really hurt by this as we were close. She has now told me she doesn't want to be a bridesmaid and that there is no point in her coming to the wedding.

Can any one suggest what i can do?

Thanks

Lizzie x

Answer 1

I think she is being very unreasonable! When my older sister got married all the bridesmaid brought their own dresses (and she had 7) and no one minded at all, and when i got married as it was on a budget we asked the bridesmaids to buy their dresses (from debenhams where i work, so with staff discount), but we told the bridesmaids and their families not to get us gifts-so basically their dresses were their gift to us.

good luck and i really hope you can work it out.

Answer 2

In this day and age it is generally accepted that, if the bride and groom are on a limited budget, people will help out with costs.

I paid for my entire outfit for my best mates wedding, as they were struggling with payments & he became very ill prior to the wedding and would be out of work.  

Your step sister is acting like a spoilt brat.  Tell her that she has upset you, and that you really want her to be there on the day, but that you are really stressed with all the money being spent on the wedding, and if she continues acting this way, it may be best if she stays away!  Tell her that there is no "rule" that states you have to pay for everything!!!

Believe me, concentrate on those who are helping out.  She will soon come round, and if not, its her loss!!

Answer 3

hello i am from us

oops.

Answer 4

oh my god!!  is she for real u would think she would be so hapy to b a bridesmaid if she dosent pay just forget her shes not worth it esp as its just over a tenner

Answer 5

It's not much for shoes! tell her to buy them!!

she is being silly!

Answer 6

Wow, that is ridiculous, if she won't buy the shoes as you had arranged then she shouldn't be in the wedding. She is causing you stress during one of the happiest times in your life. Tell her straightforward that your budget is tight and that if she is too cheap to pay then she will have to either skip the ceremony or come up with a better idea.

Answer 7

all you have to do is remind her of the deal you made in the beginning, that you were buying the dress and nothing more. try and make it up with her, if she wont take a phone call write her a letter saying that your big day wont be the same without her, and that she should reconsider. remind her that the other two bridesmaids have bought the shoes because of the original agreement and that just because someone told her that bridesmaids don't usually buy things doesn't mean that they never do. ask her to be a bit understanding of your circumstances, you are tight for money. if you give in and pay for her shoes then the other two will be looking for their money to be paid back and its not worth all that.

good luck with resolving this and with your big day x  

Answer 8

Yes I have a suggestion, accept her refusal and try to get the money back on your bridesmaid outfit for her.

She is clearly jealous of you so why waste time trying to convince her she is important to your wedding ?

Stop fussing over her and get on with your wedding plans she will only bring you down if you worry over her, which is entirely what she wants by the sound of it.

Good luck with your day I am sure you will look gorgeous so enjoy it, its the most important day of your life and you should only have people there that are supportive and happy for you.

Make a decision and stick to it.

Answer 9

If you want only UK answers, you may wish to post strictly in that section and not in the United States section.

As to your question:  She is being very childish.  Not coming to the wedding at all is a bit drastic over a pair of shoes.  

You were up front with your bridesmaids from the start as to what you could do.  They all agreed to this and now she's giving you hassle over it?  Sounds to me like there is something else going on other than just shoes.

Sit her down and talk with her in a calm, non-threatening way.  Tell her how her actions have hurt you and ask her to help you to understand why she is being this way.  Remind her you discussed the shoe issue from the first, which she agreed to.  Explain you are on a tight budget and remind her of what you are paying for.  If she simply won't budge, then you will have to accept her decision to not be in your bridal party.

Good luck.

Answer 10

She is being stingy on £9.99? Good God, what a hassle! Can you not just pay it and get it over and done with? How old is she - is she the age where her parents can buy them?

But to be honest I would get rid, she has already said she doesnt want to be in the wedding anymore, let her go and dont feel guilty! She sounds like a pain in the bum and a stress you can do without!  

Answer 11

someone tell me to buy shoes from http://www.tradeshoes9.com He told me although in it the shoes are high quality copies,it feels wonderful and have little discrepency with the true branded shoes. i have visit it and have found the shoes i love, as below.but i do not know if it is really very well,can you give me a favour to check it?

Answer 12

Oh man....Your friend is very shallow and self centered. You know what..she isn't even worth having in your wedding. Why have the hassle.

It should be an honour to be in the wedding-if she is going cause problems-I would tell her fine...hit the road!

I mean..a "pair of shoes"? C'mon....

Obviously your friend needs to grow up! It's your wedding day...focus on that.

If you need any wedding tips or ideas http://www.planforawedding.com might have some information for you.

Answer 13

heres one

Answer 14

If she is that close to you, she will understand. Explain to her that you are sorry for the misunderstanding, and that you would really appreciate it if she could buy them, it wouldn't be a problem if she really respected you. If she still refuses to give in, then just tell her it is her loss and she isn't invited if she is gonna act like a child.

=] hope i've helped.

Answer 15

Hi lizzie!!

i too am getting married on a shoestring budget (on JSA!!) am 20 and actually the bridesmaids are meant to buy their whole outfit (you pick the dress etc they pay!!!)

i dont think its about the shoes i think its jealousy you dont need the stress i know how you feel i ave a few probs with my mother!!! for the same reasons!!!!

talk to her and say its your day and you would like to sort out the argument and for her to stand next to you as you say your vows you need your familys support to help you plan arrange and keep calm on the day and that it includes HER

good luck!!

Answer 16

If she doesn't want to come she doesn't want to come. It's not your fault, you were upfront about this. One thing that might help though - let her wear other shoes, so she doesn't have to buy a pair. I, for one, would not waste my money on shoes that cheap (they might not even survive me breaking them in if they're that inexpensive).  

Answer 17

Tell her thats fine then. If she doesn't want to be your bridesmaid then she doesn't need to.  Its you big day, not hers and if she is going to make things difficult for you then thats not fair. Tell her how you feel about this. She will probably come round - maybe she was just having a bad day or something, but if she still insists she doesn't want to be bridesmaid then thats one less dress you have to pay for.