Bridezilla...don't tell me to drop out because I'm her only friend....?

Question

I am a MOH in my friend's wedding. She's always been the one with the attitude which is why I'm her only friend and none of her female cousins are attending the wedding and she has no sisters, so I can't really drop out.

I thought at first it was stress, but then it started to get worse and worse. For example, last night my 1 1/2 year old was sick, I couldn't make it to show how I looked in my dress because my husband was working and I didn't want my older children to catch the cold. I called my friend and said "Listen, my 1 year old is sick, I can't come to show you how I look in my dress, I'm sorry. Can we do it tomorrow?" and my friend yelled "NO! You're making that up! I bet you gained weight and that's why!" I just polietly said "I'll call you later."

Now today, I go to show her my dress. And yes I have added a couple of pounds because I recently gave birth to twins, but I went and got alterations done two days ago. My friend takes one look at me and says "Wow, I'm glad you begged me to come over because that dress is not going to go with your fat body." I stood there, eyes wide. Her mother(who was there because she also wanted to show off her dress)said "Kyla, it looks fine." And Kyla said "No, she looks fat. So, Gab, you'll need to buy a new dress." I told her no way, if she seriously thought I looked fat, she could buy the new dress. Finally, after a big fight, we agreed on me getting a sash to cover my "bulging stomach".

This isn't the only thing she's done. When I was about to give birth to my twins she called me and told me to go pick up the bubbles for the reception! I told her "I'm in labor! I'll ask my husband to get them." and as I closed the phone I could hear her saying "You little b-".

Oh and let's not forget the hair. I have short boyish blond hair, so it's been an issue with my hair. Kyla asks me if I want a wig, I said no, I'm good with my short hair, we can just pin my bangs back. Then the next time we see each other, she shows me a wig she bought that's styled the way she wants my hair to look like and is insisting I wear it to the wedding. Finally I gave in, but I'm really, really mad.

Her bridal shower is this weekend and I've put about $650 into it just to make her happy. She told me that if it isn't how she likes it, she'll leave.

She's also put on her invatations: We prefer money instead of gifts thank you. No joke! I was so shocked.

Everyone's talked to her, but nothing works.

The wedding is in two weeks and I can't drop out now, but what should I do in the mean time. Everytime I talk to her she says "It's my day, I can boss you around and be stressed." Yes, it's her day, but she doesn't have to be a Bridezilla!

HELP!

Answer 1

With friends like that, who needs enemies? Ok, ok so you are not backing out. You obviously have a strong sense of obligation. Compromise then...right after the wedding is done, tell her to get lost. Would you let someone treat your daughter that way? She is mean! Don't have someone like that in your life to bring you down. And don't let your children grow up seeing this kind of relationship is ok. It's time to put your foot down. I feel sorry for the guy she is marrying. Bridezilla for real.

Answer 2

If you don't want to get out of the wedding, then you need to tell her to stop treating you like a piece of s****. Tell her yes, it's her day, but that doesn't mean she can treat you like c*rap.  

Answer 3

Simply tell her that she needs to chill out or you will leave (even though you won't) tell her how you see it. Say "look, I'm your only friend because you're a high matinence, uptight, bossy rag(put it in your own words). Be happy that I'm doing this for you, or else you'd do it all yourself and be even more stressed. Chill out or else I'll walk." It may seem harsh, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Answer 4

I'm sorry it's not what you want to hear. But you CAN and should back out. THAT is not a friend.

Answer 5

You don't have to back out but a serious threat to might shake some sense into her. Bridezilla or not, she has NO right to speak to you that way, she has no right to treat you that way, and she certainly has no right to call you fat, especially after having twins. I don't care how much money you put into this, there is no price on dignity. Tell her either she changes, or you are out. Period, no if, ands or buts about it. You are no doormat, you are no money machine to be putting cash into such horrific nonsense.  

Answer 6

I'm not sure what you want to hear at this point.  You know how bad she is, you know she's not going to get better, and you know that she is justifying every last one of her actions so that she won't have to change.

You have two choices.  Suck it up or leave.  You are set on *not* leaving, so your only option is to suck it up.

I'm really unsure at this point what you are getting out of this friendship.  For most people their friend relationships are give and take, yet yours with her seems very imbalanced.  She runs roughshod over you *because you let her*.  You give in.  You get mad about it, but it doesn't matter - she gets what she wants and she doesn't care if you're mad.  She doesn't care how you feel at all.  She wants what she wants, and as long as she gets it, she's (mostly) happy.  She's a Bridezilla because people are allowing her to be one.  She has no friends because they won't put up with her c**p.  Her cousins don't have a choice in being family, but they elect not to be a part of her day because they won't put up with her c**p.  You are the only one putting up with her c**p.  So you can stop putting up with her c**p and tell her that you WILL drop out of the wedding (what's she going to do, force you to show up?) if she doesn't shape up.  Stop being a martyr if you want this to end, or put on a happy face and pretend to enjoy it.  You deserve to be treated better than this.

Answer 7

Wow, If backing out is not an option for you then you just have to PUT UP with her c**p!  That's the only thing I can tell you.

She is such a Bytch!!!

Answer 8

clearly you're a doormat.  Sorry, but it's true.  The only thing you can do is back out & get this a-hole out of your life forever.  You say you aren't going to to that so enjoy being her doormat for the rest of your life.  If you;ve already told her how you felt there isn't more you can do. Sorry - I'm not trying to be rude - I'm just calling it how I see it.

Answer 9

So what's your question? You won't back out, you're not a doormat, bla bla bla. What do you want?  She's a b1ch, you know it but you refuse to do anything about it.

I guess you'll have to live with it then.  

Answer 10

Tell her to stop being a spoiled brat, stuck up, and s****., she doesn't DESERVE you as a friend. God the poor Husband. I wouldn't care if it was two weeks before the wedding, I'd back out anyways! I would never allow her to treat me like that. No wonder she doesn't have any friends. Tell her it would be your pleasure if she leaves her own bridal shower. Spoiled Brat!  

Answer 11

That is NOT a friend. To treat you that way esp when you were in labor is not right! You should have dumped this girl a long time ago. There is no way I would let anyone talk to me the way this biotch is talking to you. I would tell her how it is, and tell her she is on her own!

Take a stand for yourself and demand some respect from this woman, since she obviously doesn't show it to you. And you just sit and take the bull.

Again... let her go and you can drop out of the wedding. she is totally wrong for what she did and is doing.

Good luck in it all!  

Answer 12

Wow girl.....you have nerves of steel!!   And, might I add....a heart of GOLD!

What can you do?  NOTHING!  You are in too deep now.  Make a countdown on your calendar (like kids do for Christmas) and start counting down the days till "Bridezilla from h**l" goes away.

Then....I would SERIOUSLY rethink this "friendship."  Again, you have a heart of steel.....but a friend does not use and abuse (yes, she IS abusing you verbally) another friend.

I do not see the "friendship" in this at all.  Really, step away and cross her off the "friend" list.  If this is your friend, I hate to see your enemies!!  lol

Answer 13

you have a child a year old and newborn twins.  I think you should do as you wish within the limits of your other obligations.  Tell her you are NOT wearing the wig,  does she still want you or not.  Don't let her walk all over you.  You don't need the stress.

Answer 14

You should be proud that you have chosen not to back out on a commitment. It is clear she has issues or she wouldn't be so friendless...and cousinless...ect.

Although it will be hard, have as little contact with her as you can...maybe you can use her mother as a buffer?  Always hold a smile on you face and count to 10. If that isn't enough, say a prayer! And remember, in a couple of weeks all of this stress will be over and you can move on. Again, congratulations on doing the right thing!

Answer 15

If you allow her treatment of you to continue, then you deserve it.  Who cares how late in the game it is?  Have some pride and tell her where to go.  

Answer 16

If you're unwilling to back out, then you need to tell her that her behavior is not acceptable and you won't tolerate it anymore (I'd threaten to back out). It's verbal abuse, whether you choose to look at it that way or not, and she's not your friend (friends shouldn't treat each other that way).  There's no excuse for her behavior.  Would you tolerate this behavior from your husband or kids?  I'm guessing not- so why have you put up with this abuse from her?  What has she done for you that you think you need to put with it?

I'd be curious to see what she thinks of her shower- given her past behaviors, I'm willing to bet she'll find tons of things wrong with it, no matter how wonderful it actually is.  I'm sorry that you are dealing with this, but you can choose to end this relationship- it's toxic and ultimately only going to hurt you. I doubt she'll ever be grateful or feel remorse over her behavior (particularly if alienating her other friends and family hasn't caused a change in her behavior yet).

Answer 17

Maybe you need to tell her you're dropping out just to try and smack some sense into her.  Maybe that will maker her realize that the way she is acting is ridiculous.  It's time you stand up for yourself with this "friend".  Friends do not act that way to each other, wedding or not.  You either need to decide to walk away or suck it up and let her have her way at this point... that's your decision to make.

You can drop out... that's your choice no to... and it's obvious why she has no friends or anyone else to do this for her.  

I am currently my bff's moh for her wedding on October 11th, and the only girl in her party and we have had some slight disagreements but she has never treated me like this and would never even think of acting this way.  If everyone gives in to her this way all the time it's no wonder she acts this way....

Answer 18

Not too much I can offer.  You've already said you're not going to back out so the option left is to continue down this path.  It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and don't let her push you around.

However, she is pretty nasty with her comments.  I have to wonder what are her good points since you choose to keep her as a friend.

Answer 19

Your "friend" is nasty and verbally abusive toward you.  My advice is to back out.  You should not let anyone speak to you that way, and the only way to put an end to it is to back out and discontinue all contact with her.  While I think it's important to honor one's committments, the value of not putting up with being treated like garbage trumps that.  Yes, I do think you're being a doormat.  If I were in your shoes, the minute she accused me of lying about my son being sick or calling me fat (whichever came first) I would have backed out right then and there.  Better to eat the cost of the dress than to put up with verbal abuse from your so-called friend.

Answer 20

Simply tell her that being a bride is not an excuse to treat people the way she is treating you. Tell her that you have been respectful of her feelings and that you would expect the same. Do this in a quiet even tone and that will usually bring them to heel. Make sure to do this in front of her mom and she will prob. back you up. If not, then tell her you do want to stand up for her but for the moment you need to leave. Tell her that you will call her tomorrow so that she knows you are not walking out on the wedding, just away for the moment. Let her know that nothing excuses treating people like dirt.

Answer 21

If you don't want to back out...then suck it up. Talk to her about it or just be done with her.

Answer 22

I truly can't believe you have been her friend for as long as you have been.  I would not give a **** if this is her wedding day or if she is giving birth to her first child, you need to drop out of this hellish wedding that you are in.  I am sorry to say this but you need to say good bye to her as a friend because she is a selfish little ***** who doesn't care about your feelings as a human being one bit.  It will be her loss and not yours that is for sure...

Answer 23

Tell her that's the reason she only has one friend. Because she is a rude, pathetic, sorry little prat.

She needs to grow the h**l up. How old is she?

I know you said you can't drop out, but h**l, that's what I would do.

And I would also find a new friend to replace her.

I feel sorry for her future husband!

Answer 24

All I can say is WOW.... and bless you for continuing to be there for her.  Good things will come your way for being such a patient friend.  Hopefully someday she will understand all that you have done for her.  As for what to do in the mean time??  Personally I would put something  in her drink the next time we went out...get her in a compromizing photo and black mail her into behaving... but thats just me....LOL.

Good luck!

Answer 25

I stand firmly by the mantra that we teach people how to treat us.

Do exactly what you feel is appropriate and what you feel needs to be done and let her handle the fallout.

If she didn''t want a MOH with short hair, well she shouldn't have asked someone with short hair to be her MOH. If she didn't want a "fat" *actually almost puking after sayiing that word* MOH she shouldn't have asked someone that was pregnant. If she wants a MOH that's at her beck and call 24 hrs she should have hired someone.

I would start screening her calls and respond when it's appropriate. Limit your contact with her until the day of the wedding, and only do what you feel right doing. You are there to support her, not to be an accessory to her wedding or her whipping girl.  

Answer 26

Ew I don't think there is much you can do... I would finish out your duty as her MOH and then I would honestly stop being friends with her.

I'm terribly sorry...

Answer 27

She's being insufferably rude. You should tell her so next time she says something so out of line. As soon as she says or does something thoughtless. Don't give her a single pass on this. If she kicks you out of the wedding, so what.