Brother hatred?

Question

my brother, he's 3 years older than me, when we were young he used to pick on me and to beat me, when I was in high school, he would every thing possible to make me feel bad or to put me down, he would even act as if I was the one who would do bad things to him and he would act on my psychology and other people psychology to make them think that I was the bad person, when most of the time I was the one suffering. That was really a difficult time for me. After a certain time though, when I went to College, I decided to say NO, and I wouldn't let him beat me for nothing or insult me, I would reply back. That time, he stopped talking to me, he told my sister that I was a bad person and whenever I had a difficult time, he would be really happy to hear that and to constantly remind me of my pain and to make me suffer more. It's as if he was having fun and felt really glad to see me suffer. Now I leave in another country, and we don't talk much, but our relationship seem ok.

Answer 1

My next-oldest sister used to do hateful things to me.  She's make me take off "her shirt" right there in PUBLIC...spit hockers on my mouth while pinning me down.

I know all about that mess.

But when I consider what h**l she has gone through in her life, I just can't help but let go of petty things that she can't do a thing to take back.

Answer 2

Maybe your brother  picked on you because you did something not good that caused him to act that way or because you are your parents favorite or maybe because he envied you because of your achievements. So that you will have more peace in mind better find out what started it. Don't let hatred rule your heart it will affect you emotionally.

Answer 3

Well your brother seems like a bully and manipulator. When he was beating you up you should have learned to fight back, take karate it would've helped against your brother or someone trying to attack you etc.

Answer 4

All I can say is my sister used to absolutely torcher me when I was little and now she is my best friend. Sometimes a little space helps the relationship. But I would still proceed with extreme caution.

Answer 5

Your brother sounds like a bully. But hopefully he has grown up by now. Talk to him about it and just say "you did some pretty mean things to me growing up," or something like that.

If he's not apologetic, there's nothing you can do but keep your relations cordial and try and move on.

Answer 6

WOW!  I am so sorry to hear that he was such a bully.  My brother and I picked at each other constantly when we were kids, but we were always still very close, so I cannot imagine how badly this has hurt you all your life.

Have you ever considered counseling?  Please do not think that I am implying that anything is wrong w/ you -I'm just thinking that if you were to speak to a psychologist/psychiatrist about this, they might be able to give you some insight as to what could be going on in your brother's mind that made him believe that it was okay to be mean to you, and they might be able to give you advise on how to heal the situation.  It may also help you to evaluate whether or not it was truly hatred.

Also, have you ever spoken to your parents or other siblings about the situation and about how you truly feel about him?

My other concern is that he was beating on you in high school and right before college -when you were both well into manhood and womanhood.  It is one thing for children to pick at each other and get into fights, but if a grown man will hit his own sister -a grown woman who is still family, then -not only is he not that much of a man, but he probably has some deep-seeded anger issues and would probably be abusive to other women, such as a wife, a daughter, or a girlfriend.  Any female family member -whether a wife, daughter, sister, mother, etc.- is the LAST person any man has the right to hit in ANY way.  That also goes for verbal abuse.

I wish I could offer more advise, b/c -as I said earlier, my brother and I are very close, and I cannot imagine being estranged from him.  I also hate to hear of other people not getting along w/ their siblings, for whatever reason.  I hope that you guys can work things out.

Add:  You seem like you are a nice person -otherwise this wouldn't be tearing you apart like it is.  Since the mean brother seemed to be jealous of the oldest brother (did I read that right?), perhaps you could speak w/ the oldest brother and get his perspective on the situation.  I would definitely speak w/ another family member (such as your other siblings or your parents) and/or a professional counselor about this though, b/c you sound like you are trying to move forward w/ your life, and therefore do not deserve to carry this pain around w/ you to haunt you.

Answer 7

Most siblings have rivalries.

The best thing to do would be to let it go.

Feel pity for him because he has issues, not you.

All you can do is live well & be happy.

He has to live with what he did.

Best wishes

Answer 8

It's always like this with brothers, trust me, then as soon as you have space from them your relationship gets better. He probably was just immature and has grown up a bit now :). My brother is a great person but whenever I'm with him he annoys me so much, but whenever he is away I miss him like made. It's just a brother and sister type relationship :D

Answer 9

My brother doesn't like me because he feels i was treated differently by our parents. were you favored over him?if so years of trying to get noticed can be hard on someone.just love him regardless and now that you are older you can see how he is trying to get you down and can stop it from affecting you. also tell him off when he needs it.