Brother in law has moved in...Help!?

Question

My husbands brother has moved in for a while (he said 2 weeks) this time is now up and he still hasn't started looking for his own place. He split from his wife after beating her...moved into a bedsit and didn't keep up rent payments...hes a gambler....therefore lost his bedsit...Ive spoke to my husband about having a word about when hes going to move out...my husband accuses me of being nasty and we argue constantly...this is coming between us as in his eyes his brother has done no wrong...Am I being selfish in giving him a time limit to move out? as I'm being made to feel bad about it...I just want my life and house back to normal...all advice appreciated.

Answer 1

You need to get your husband on the same page with you. His brother is an abusive addict who will say or do anything to get his next fix. The BIL is a mooch and he is destroying your marriage.

If you can't get your husband on your side, then you will need to throw down the ultimatum... "either him or me". Get ready to pack up and leave.

I suggest that you get a keyed lock on your bedroom door to keep your valuables away from him, and put a lock-box on your thermostat set to the cheap side of uncomfortable, cancel the cable TV and internet services, and QUIT buying groceries (and quit cooking).  Anything you can do to make him feel unwelcomed is a good idea.

Answer 2

Make the point and drill the point home that he has to leave.  

Answer 3

tell him u married him and not his brother, and no there is nothing wrong with wanting him out. if your husband wont give you a private conversation with him to discuss what is happening in your home then give him a choice. its you or his brother. even if you end up leaving, and have to go stay with a family member yourself, your husband will come crawling back to you if he truly loves you. before the family you are staying with gets tired of you being there with them your husband should be there wanting you to come home and that is when you tell him only if his brother is gone.

Answer 4

kick him out of the house. Sounds just like what my uncle did

Answer 5

I wouldn't care if it was my brother. I'd beat his azz for hitting a woman.And you can tell him I said it too.He's lower than a maggot in a dead dog's azz.

Answer 6

No you are not being selfish. The last thing your brother in law needs is an enabler in his life. It's too bad your husband doesn't understand the drama he's brought into his home. He should have asked for more than 2 weeks in the beginning.  

Answer 7

Girlie your in a bad spotAnd you cant shoot him.Or your hubby!.I hate to say this(dont yell at me women)but suck up to hubby.Honey lets pass out brother guys resume,wait two weeks ask hubby to suggest what to do.Dump on him,its his bro!Make sure you go OUT and leave the two of them alone.Do not pick up their mess.After two weeks talk to hubby and ask himto "find" a place for brother.After all the two of you need time alone.Oh, have some headaches,cramps,muscle spasms whatever.If that doesnt help shoot em both.LOL 3 weeks max-then put a time to brother guy to his face.Be kind but firm.best of luck.Prayers your way,J

Answer 8

There is this thing called "The Devils in the Details" which means no matter some where some place is the Devil lurking to make life difficult

You MUST fight this and in order to do this just be the nice loving caring wife and hostess

All you have to do is be pleasant for a bit and apologize to your husband for being upset, tell him you understand that it is his brother.

Later after you have "earned trust" of being a nice loving wife and hostess start doing things like slowly showing him things you found of place he can live or counseling for his addicting ~ so on so fourth because your marriage is way more important than the Devil in Disguise if you get my drift.

You can tell your husband once or twice a month to take his brother out for a night of fun or dinner ~ this will do many things

It is almost like reverse psychology in a way  Good Luck

Answer 9

No you are not being selfish and stick to your guns or there may be another divorce in the family. Your husband felt the need to help his brother but it looks like he has plans on making your home his.Be tough and don't let that happen.

Answer 10

.Sounds as if you have a legitimate reason and your husband needs to pull his head out of his behind. Gambling is just like any other addictive  habit. If your brother-in-law doesn't move out your marriage will be in jeopardy.  You and your husband need to get this settled without resorting to anger. Your husband needs to understand that his brother has a problem with gambling and get him moved out of your home asap.

Answer 11

Ouch.. that's a bad situation to be in!

Answer 12

u need to sit down with ur husband and explain to him the reason why u want ur brother in law to move out as soon as possible.. tell him u love him but u cant live the way  things are going .. that u would like him to  set a reasonable time for ur brother in law to  move out.. let him see the problems u two everytime u two talk about it .. and it shouldnt be that way.. good luck