Brother is law has serious problems... how can he be cured if he is not willing to help himself?

Question

This is quite long but I would appreciate the help!

Please please help... i cant handle the stress anymore!

My brother in law, who is 25, recently moved back to the UK from Malta after having split with his short term girlfriend, this was at the end of March. Since then he has been living with myself and my partner in our home, although we also have their mother and sister living with us at the moment also as they are waiting to move into their new home-very stressful!

Since he has been back, he is a complete and utter nightmare. He came back feeling quite positive and was looking for a new job, he was struggling to find one so he then decided to take a college course in IT which he quit after a few weeks, he then went to work in ASDA just to tie himself over with money but again quit this after only a few weeks.

He had been feeling really depressed so went to the hospital and explained all of his problems and then he was diagnosed with having a personality disorder. The doctor told him that he needs to start exercising regularly and advised him to have counselling sessions through the NHS... neither of which he took up.

Since then, it has just gone down hill completely. About 4 weeks ago he tried to take an overdose and kill himself. After again seeing a psychiatrist and explaining that he felt that he couldnt go on and wanted to kill himself they discharged him and let him come home again but was prescribed with anti depressants.

Since that day, all he has done is slept allll day... literally until 7pm, got up and had dinner and then has spent all night awake and usually drinking and taking drugs and causing rows in the house with his family. We have told him that he cannot drink or take drugs due to his medication but as always he has decided to completely ignore us.

Recently he has started being really abusive towards myself (a 20 year old female!), saying that I am the reason that he has become this way and it is my fault that he tried to kill himself etc and now he is rowing with his family saying that he hates them for not sticking up for him when I treat him like sh**??... I have hardly even spoken to the boy... I have always tried to keep out of his way because it hasn't really got anything to do with me at all.

A few days ago he was again taken into hospital by an ambulance for being really abusive in the household. He was literally looking like a mad mad.. was psychically pulling his hair out of his head, screaming and punching walls etc for no reason at all. Again... after seeing a psychiatrist, he was discharged and then sent home.

Something MUST be done about this but why are the NHS not helping him at all? I honestly believe that he needs to be sectioned but for some reason they just cant seem to see what he is like. What can we do?

Also, how can he be cured if he is not even trying to help himself? We are really stuck in the bottom of a deep pit and really want to know how we can get out of it. It just feels like this is never ever going to end.

Answer 1

You need to explain to him and his family that you are not prepared to live with him any longer.  Some of the things he has been saying is quite scary - he obviously needs serious help.  He has signs of severe depression but also needs the help of a psychologist.

You shouldn't have this going on in your own home.  It will be the end of your own relationship if something doesn't get sorted out.  

You should do a little research on one of the mental welfare sites and see under what circumstances people can get sectioned.  

It does seem strange that he keeps getting discharged.

You can't live your life like this anymore and you need to find the strength to speak your mind and tell them they must find somewhere else to live.

If they are not working - benefits will pay for any rent on another property.  I would go to the local council and tell them that you are throwing them out today - and they need emergency accommodation.

I know there will be people on this that will tell you that you need to support him - but I feel it has gone beyond this now.  This is a delicate situation but you have to think of your own safety.  And of course your own relationship and your partners feelings.

Speak to the council today and tell them they are homeless as of now and they must find them accommodation.  Explain the history and say you cant put up with it any more.

Hopefully if they are not in your house it wont affect you so much and you can become more focused on trying to help him get the help he desperately needs.

Sleeping every day till 7pm is signs of severe depression.  He needs serious help.

Answer 2

you cant help those who wont help themselves      if only we could

Answer 3

hi sounds like you have a handful there.  if i have read your question correct. it is your home and your brother in law is a guest there in. the only way i can see is if you ask him to leave. this will most likely be needed to be a written request. if he does not leave you can then get the police involved. sounds harsh i know but at this point if from what you have said he will act in a way as to cause a Brecht of the peace thus will be arrested. now at the police station he will be assessed as to his fitness to answer the charge. ( a police doctor will have been called) at this point the police will ask for a bail address if he is unable to give one he will be then (1 kept in custody very unlikely) (2 after the police doctor has seen him be placed in protective care) i.e a secure hospital where then will be give the care he needs ( to put your mind at rest it will be the same place where he would go if he had been sectioned under the mental heath act.)  

Answer 4

You need to get your doctor to section him and then sign him into a psychiatric hospital,make sure that you or his brother maybe both go to the doctor with him,so as to make sure that he is telling the doctor the whole truth it sounds like hes not doing that,you will have to do something because you just cant keep this up,you have to get though or your life will go down the toilet,I mean come on taken drugs and drinking plus wrecking your house,I can only imagine the stress,the next time it happens forget the ambulance and call the cops they will know what to do,this is your life and all your partners family are living with you what is that about,your brother in law is not a boy hes a man,and its not your responsibility.    

Answer 5

No, he's not going to get better if he doesn't want to help himself.  But, it sounds like its beyond that and that he himself cannot make any rational decision making.  He needs to be admitted to a psychiatric clinic and have a complete evaluation done on him, and also some detox.  Until that happens, you are right... he will only get worse and worse until he physically harms himself, or someone else.  It's really imperative that he be admitted to a hospital... Is there anyone who is willing to take that responsibility of checking and signing him in to one??...cause that's what he needs.

Answer 6

you can't help those who won't help themselves, for my own reasons I have had to see psychologists and psychiatrists and only once they said they would 'like' to keep me in overnight and I said no and it was as simple as that..IF/next time he gets dangerous like that, call the police, say what a danger he is to himself and others..I know it shouldn't take that at all, he should already be receiving the necessary treatment, but it seems like until the NHS are pushed with psychiatric problems, nothing will be done...perhaps you could make a petition, file a complaint..do something to try to raise awareness for I'm sure the hundreds of other people in similar situations, maybe then something will be done..

good luck..