Brother is mean to me?

Question

my brother and I are twins(i'm older) both of us are 19. We pretty much stopped talking to each other since 18 this problem has been going on for this long. It's as if it all started because he always came second in the things we do. I would go to uni and he would have to repeat a year....etc. It's as if he's been holding a lot of anger for a long time, plus the ppl he hangs around with influences him in a very negative way. Since then he doesn't want to help my parents do chores and they can't control him anymore i always have to do it...i'm a girl for christ sake and i have to mow the lawn in the summer and shovel the snow in the winter. Sometimes my parents try to help me but i can tell there physcially/mentally hurt when they do so. He also pays everything in visa and expects my parents to pay it...which they do they keep quiet knowing theres no point in arguing with him.

Everytime we get into an argument he'll say "I have no friends" He says this because he goes out more often than me...well because he doesn't care about school but i do. It gets to the point where i really do HATE him and wish that he would die or karma would act upon him...i'm christian too....i know it's wrong to say these things but it gets to the point where it pisses me off so much i don't know what to do. I told my parents to kick him out of the house or make him pay for rent but they just keep quiet.....before my dad used to try to argue with him now he says nothing and it looks like he has an angry/sad face. So what should i do? let it be and allow karma to do it's job? What should i do/tell my parents?

Answer 1

there isn't much you can do. i mean you could try telling your parents this and give them their view on it. don't keep quiet about it. if they are just keeping quiet and not kicking him out or making him help or pay especially for his charges then thats on your parents and its the way they choose to live. maybe get a job and go out on your own if you get tired of it? especially if they are just going to continue to allow him this kind of behavior

Answer 2

I think first of all breathe. It can be so painful and frustrating, not to mention suffocating being in a situation like this. I know as I have experienced a similar experience with my sibling (we're not twins though).

I think you need to sit down with your parents. Find a time when you and your parents can sit down and talk, tell them how you are feeling about your brother's unfair and irrational behaviour.

Tell them that it's creating an imbalance in the family, and in the long term if your brother does not pull himself straight, these somewhat small problems, incidences with credit card payments etc will eventually spiral out of control because he has his parents to rely on.

Your brother needs to accept his responsibilities as a brother and a son, and in general as a human being.

It's rather sad that your parents haven't intervened already to tell him to stop acting out.

In all honesty, your brother won't react too well to 'everyone ganging up on him' (as he will feel this way when confronted). So it's best to let him know that you all as a family love him, but at the moment he is hurting you, and you want for you two to have some peace, be civilized with one another..

If he doesn't 'see the light' and wake up, I can only say, (yet again from personal experience) that regardless of his erratic behavior you need to set him aside mentally, and remember to focus on the most important person right now, and that is you. Focus on you, your life, your goals, don't think about karma, because that will always sort itself out.

Hoping it all gets better.  

Answer 3

Well that is a hard one,  First you need to stay in school and its great that you care about it. Your brother is having issues right now and he is not being nice to your parents by not helping.  I know its hard but you need to let your parents work it out with him. If it was my son and he was not going to school he would be working, helping with the chores and paying rent.  Its a very bad lesson he is learning from them as well right now.  

I would suggest that you just ignore him the best you can.  In the long run it sounds like you will come out of this much better then him in many ways.