Brown and Orange... Halloween poem?

Question

Leaves are falling, tree roots are crawling...

Halloween is near... tell me can you hear their fear?

Winds blow the first chilly breeze... lakes soon begin to freeze...

Snow is tempting and it really loves to tease.

Many blessings to you Morgana Queen of Feys....

For giving us the final harvesting days.

Thanx hope you liked :D i did it last year for halloween

Answer 1

I like it alot, there are some uniquely written lines, however it kind of sounds like you were writing things JUST so they rhyme, not for the benefit of the poem.

^^ The guy above me gives some good advice. (:

All in all, I like the poem very much -it gave me this feeling of Autumn..my favorite season!

Answer 2

It's "okay", but you could make it better.  Your poem is really written in rhymed couplets, but you've buried them as internal rhymed lines...which in and of itself is not a problem, but you've orphaned the lines so that it's obvious they're just short, rhymed couplets. One technique you might try is to create a pattern of aabccb, like this:

Leaves are falling, tree roots crawling

Halloween is near

Winds blow the first chilly breeze, lakes soon begin to freeze

Tell me can you hear? (I'd drop the "fear")

All I did was to break your second line's couplet and place the second half after the third couplet. This breaks up the tiring rhyme of couplets back to back, yet keeps the sing-song nature intact.  The other thing to keep in mind is that the "breeze/freeze" line has too many beats...or the first one has too few...you'll need to even them out.

Good start, lots of potential...keep writing