Bullies....any ideas. My son is seven and ?

Question

My seven year old is being bullied...what can I do?. He is very concerned with his friends' comments and gets really upset. I am trying not to over react but at the same time this is really affecting his self esteem. I have tried explaining to him that if they know they are bothering him they will do it more and I have encouraged him to ignore them, but ya know it hurts when people do not accept you. I have tried to set an example, but he seems to think (and he is probbably right) tht because I am a grown up it does not bother me if people say mean things about me. I have told him to tell the teachers, but he cannot tell every time someone says something. It is things like...oooh you have a bump on your face...ohhhh you have freckles...am I worrying too much ...maybe, but this constant ridicule is making him an angry little boy. Last year I had the same problem and now he HATES school! He told me last year that he couldn't tell the teacher because of the tattling policy that most teachers have. I just do not know what to do. I know this is something he will have to deal with his entire life, but it is a challenging thing to watch your 7 year old suffer at the hands of bullies. Any ideas? I am going to go online and order some books to read, but I need something to tell him NOW? Thank you for any ideas.

Answer 1

if he gives a reaction the kids will continue. You need to help him learn how to deal with it in the right way.

"you have freckles!"  really bored voice "whatever"

"you have a big nose"      "whatever"

role play it with him at home so he has practice. He gives them no reaction like crying or getting sad they will stop. He needs to learn to deal with the verbal bullying himself. It is fairly basic bullyinging. If it gets worse then you contact the teacher

Answer 2

from your situation it sounds like the bullying only happens at school.  I believe it is the school's responsibility to take care of those kinds of issues. So many schools dismiss things like this until its too late.  I would suggest getting a hold of his teachers, and principal and if they don't change anything, go to the school board. Or even getting a hold of the bully's parents or talk to the kid themselves if you know who they are  He can't feel safe in school when authority figures are not going to listen.  Everything you are doing right now is great, you are listening to him and having open conversations about bullying, he knows you are there for him.  Reassure him on why kids usually bully (they are trying to regain power because they loose it somewhere else, they are jealous, to put someone down it makes themselves feel better, they want attention).  For your son, this is just a suggestion and if he feels comfortable, when he is confronted by a bully, he does not show that it has affected him, he just looks at them in the eyes and say 'i forgive you for saying that'.  trust me i've seen this work where the kids(bullies) are speechless.

Answer 3

Tell him to do it back.

If they pick on his freckles, tell him to laugh at their clothes, or teeth, or their hair.

Teasing/bullying goes both ways.

Tell him to laugh!

If he laughs and agrees with them (because it seems like he does, in fact, have freckles) they won't have anything else to tease him about.

Answer 4

ok im only 14 but ive been bullied since i was in kindergarten and now im old enough to enter tafe to leave those idiots

i tried everything told the teachers they didnt care

told the person they didnt stop

punched a kid knocked him out then there was other people

but what worked for me was calling the police and they went to this kids house arrested him and told him if he does it again they will be locked up i know exactly how you and your son is feeling

and yes i told a teacher one time and never again because she called the kid that was bulling me in the room with me and said to the kid ok brandon said you have been bullying him

so he left and told all his friends and i copped it again

also you can get his self esteem up by putting him in a contact sport like boxing kickboxing karate tai kwon do any of them i do kickboxing and im not scared of anyone its gets you thinking oh i dont need to worry about them because you know your better and you can beat them physically but you dont want to

my deputy principal told me ill get bullied throughout my life after i punched a kid for stabbing me with a piece of wood with nails in it

tell your son not to make eyecontact with them dont listen to what they say walk away once they touch him that is assault and you can have them charged if you wish

best of luck to your son and yourself

Answer 5

At that age, a parent should be stepping in.  Bullying is not tolerated in most schools at all.  Talk to the principal and talk to the teachers yourself.

Answer 6

first, dress him in cool clothes when he goes to school. The latest pokemon or what ever popular in your area so they point at how cool he looks.... Also you can try having little outings with a friend or two of his so they have fun all day like chucky cheeses or dysneyland and he will not only have the coolest mom, but everyone will want to be his friend and eventually see how great he is and you cn stop...lol Im so sorry for your boy, yes its tuff but you got his back!

Answer 7

get the karate classes going NOW.

Answer 8

I think you are right to be concerned.  It is true to some extent that he will have to deal with it & some people say it toughens you, but I think it depends on the child.  I was bullied when I was younger (big guys lifting my desk up, etc.)  and i would tell the teacher, but she wouldn't do anything.  I think it helps if you understand what kind of child you have, like someone who is sensitive & will not just be able to ignore it.  

Maybe you could talk about what he is good at and what good traits he has.  Is he funny?  Maybe he could give a funny response.  Does he have a lot of friends who he could hang around with him that could "back him up" and make him feel more confident?  Bring out his talents and maybe that could take away from his feeling bad about himself.  

My husband, in high school, was made fun of and when kids noticed he could drum (drum anywhere -- on countertop, pots, pans, etc.), he became popular.  

Answer 9

i have similar problem like yours my daughter is being bullied by her classmates.i did was i talk to the child who bullied her and said if this doesnt stop i will ask the teacher to talk to the parents or else..and then i told my daughter just ignore them and act like you dont hear anything they will just get tired of bullying.well i hope it helped..

Answer 10

parents dont need to step in on kids lives.

a meeting will mkae it worse

talking to the kid will make it worse

it will all work out fine.

if its really bad, and hes getting bullied by everyone at his school, then maybe he should change schools, but bullying happeens everywhere, and he still may be subjected to it.

Answer 11

The teacher doesn't even know what tattling is.  That's when you tell on someone to get them in trouble when IT HAS ZERO IMPACT ON YOURSELF.  Reporting that you're being bullied is NOT tattling!!  

Have your son tell the teacher the next time it happens.  If she accuses him of tattling or does nothing, threaten the teacher and principal with very serious and expensive legal action.

Answer 12

Hey there,

Gosh, I am so sorry about what you are going thru. i think its tough enough to go through it yourself, but when its your kid or someone you love, its almost impossible.

Its funny because schools have a zero tolerance when it comes to bullying. I would ask for a teacher conference, with the teacher, the school counselor and the principal and ask them WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO? Have them spell it out to you.

As for your son.... I would schedule him a session with a therapist. Especially one that incorporates play therapy in the sessions. This can be a great learning tool for him. He needs to be able to express his feelings.

Answer 13

Hi, sorry to hear what your son is going through. Please dont tell him to ignore the comments, because Ive been through it and it doesnt work. when kids dont do anything about it, the kids will get meaner until they get a reaction. The kid is an easy target because he doesnt do anything or fight back. Trust me on this. You DO need to speak to his teacher....absolutely. My daughter went through this with 2 mean girls in her class (grade 2) and I just casually dropped in the classroom after class when I picked up my daughter, asked her if she had a minute and quickly brought it up. I just told her what had been happening and asked her if she had seen any of this type of behavior directed at my daughter and if she would mind keeping an eye out just in case. Well she did and the next day she noticed them picking on my daughter and was quick to take them down and make them apologize. You have to do it now because in grade 2 they still care what their teacher thinks about them, when theyre older, not so much.

Also your son has to have a few comebacks ready in his back pocket that sound "cool" and make it sound like he doesn't care. "Whatever" is a good one if he says it with enough attitude for starters. Martial arts is GREAT there are cheap programs at the YMCA, look into it.

He needs to not be scared of being beaten up.

If he has trouble making friends, send him with the latest "in" toys for recess. Sounds shallow but it WORKS trust me. He will have friends wanting to play with him and he will get picked on less when he is not alone. Backagon (sp?) Pokemon, transformers, trading cards, its worth it. *Playdates* make them whenever you can, they form great friendships and friends will get his back.

There are alot of books on this at the library, but make sure they're recent as times have changed. Give him every advantage from a cool haircut and nice clothes to the current toys. May sound shallow, but I would keep it up until he has formed a good group of friends that get to know him for who he is. Also extra carricular activities are great for making friends outside of school. Especially team sports, if he has a "life" outside of school, then school wont be his whole life... Bullying is very serious, like I said I went through it and it still affects me in a way today and Im in my 30's.  Dont be afraid to approach his teacher, a concerned parent is a good parent :)  

Answer 14

tell your son to say this wait till you see my six pack worked for my son when he was 8.

Answer 15

when i was that age i was bullied.  i stood up for myself. not to start a fight or anything but i had a kid that was the class bully i told him i wasn't afraid of him. i said i was sick of the stuff he was doing and to stop.  he wanted to beat me up and i still stood there.  he when away and never did it again. soon after that i became popular because i was the only one that told him what i though

Answer 16

You should try to make him attend karate classes (or any other martial sport).