Buy all the kids the same thing???

Question

i have a daughter, shes 28 and has 4 children, I love my grandkids very much, they are unique in their ways, My oldest grandson had a birthday a couple months ago , he is 7 and i bought him a new bike, he is very adventurious and curious and just a boys boy, he gets along well with others and has many friends, my younger grandson just had a birthday a few days ago, he turned 6, and I bought him an action figure set that he has wanted, he has mild autism, has a temper problem, does not get along well with others and is happiest by himself, I love both the boys equally but think they are both different in their own ways, they each have their own way of making me laugh and stealing my heart. The problem is my daughter thinks I should have bought my younger grandson a bike also, because I bought the older one a bike. I think I should buy the kids gifts that I think goes with their personalitys, the younger one is not quite ( I hate to say it but, mentally mature enough) to ride a bike. And I dont want to see him hurt. But my daughter thinks that I should buy all the kids the same thing so they dont fight, or their feelings dont get hurt by getting something different. But isnt that how we grow and get along? By being different? Any input is appreciated

Answer 1

I agree with you. Buy the kids gifts that go with their personalities.

Answer 2

What you are doing is totally fine - in fact, you are going above and beyond in being so invested in choosing gifts special to each of them.

Your daughter thinks she is 'protecting' her kids, but she really is not - it's misplaced.

And - I'm wondering when it became 'okay' to comment on gifts others are giving your children? I think that's quite immature of her.

Answer 3

Your daughter shouldn't be able to tell you what to buy.  Perhaps she feels like you're favoring the older child, so just let her know what your intentions were.  Maybe she's trying to make them feel equal, so just let her know why you did what you did without hurting anyone's feelings.

Answer 4

your daughter is ridiculous. i hope she has all boys, so the girls don't end up with hulk action figures and the boys don't end up with barbies if you go along with her absurd demand. if she has taught her kids to be dissatisfied by the gift they've been given because its not as good as their siblings, that's on her head. you are a kind and thoughtful grandma. hopefully the grand kids will take after you and not their socialist mother.

Answer 5

Your daughter should be grateful for you buying her kids presents.  You don't have to, you're doing it because you love them.  I think she's teaching her boys to be ungrateful for presents by having this attitude that the younger boy's present wasn't good enough.

Answer 6

If restrictions are placed on gift giving it ruins the meaning behind it. My parents buy every child different gifts catered toward each childs personality. If they bought 14 of the same thing only one or two of the grandkids would actually enjoy the gift. By buying seperate items you are actually showing you care for each child individually and care about that childs interests.

Answer 7

yes i agree with u buy ur grandkids what u want and what u think goes with there personality if the mom is so worried y dont SHE buy him a bike?

Answer 8

Your daughter is probably reacting because she thinks her sons feelings might have been hurt.Just sit her down and tell her you love all the kids,but you can't buy all of them the same things,it is not right to do that.You sound like a loving Grandma-just remind her that you love them and you were trying to make the boy happy.If she wants him to have a bike-she can buy it.GOD-bless

Answer 9

I think if your daughter wishes them to have the same present you should respect her wishes.  My 2 daughers have b-days 7 days apart with x-mas in between.  I make requests of what people buy them, so there isn't a fight, it' something the younger one can also have around, and they both can enjoy.  I think this is between you and your daughter and the 2 of you should come up with an agreement.  If not it's going to be a never ending fight.

Answer 10

I agree with you. Each child is their own person and deserves to be treated individually. By getting presents tailored to the child, it tells me that you are interested in them personally and not just buying 4 of anything to provide a token gift for them. If she keeps fussing, tell her you are sorry to disagree with her, but you are wanting to buy something personal for each child that you KNOW that child will love. Its sad that she has to get all huffy over a birthday present. Its not like it was an inappropriate gift or something too old/young for them.

Answer 11

Buy them what YOU want to buy them. You have your reasons for it. For example: My sister liked art, and couldn't play sports if her life depended on it. My brother liked sports. My grams couldn't of brought them the same present without disappointing one or the other. Buy what YOU think they'll like because each kid IS different. Although a bike may be swell for one, the other kid (as you said) may not be ready for something like that OR into that type of thing. I think it's nice that you want to buy presents that is tailored to each grandchild's personality--it shows that you're a very caring grandmother, and to discourage the development of such a  relationship is really sad, your daughter must not realize how lucky she is. I never got to know 3/4 of my grandparents (the one I did get to know, died when I was seven); I would be glad to have gotten anything--time, love or presents--- from them.