Buying a house with a borderline?

Question

My sig. other has been diagnosed with BPD recently. He is loving like no one else one day and a frantic argumentative mess the next. I have already been approved to buy this house without him and his financial assistance. But somehow, he is trying to convince me that his help of buying the house cash, from his money, is the best way to go. In the meantime, he has started saying things like, when I buy this house you will then have to ask me what you can hang up as decorations, turn all the lights off when I tell you, quit running so much water when doing the dishes, pay me back your portion on a schedule I have made up for you in a spread sheet on my computer and if I decide to leave you and go off and get a job somewhere...........don't worry honey, I will still take care of you. Or he will say, GOD IF I GIVE YOU MOST OF THE MONEY TO BUY THIS HOUSE, I AM SO AFRAID YOU WILL KICK ME OUT AS SOON AS I MOVE IN AND THEN WHERE AM I GOING TO GO??? I'm confused, for good reasons. I have never in a million years said I wanted to kick him out so where is all the paranoia coming from?

Answer 1

This guy need serious help. Do not buy a house with him. Picture what would happen a few weeks, months or years in the future. My friend is going through a painful divorce from someone with bipolar, and he's been both mentally and physically abusive to both her and their child.

Buy your own house, and unless your significant other gets real help, he may hurt you very badly. He seems to already be out of control, and trying to boss you around before you even have the house.

Drop him for your own sanity, unless he gets the help he severely needs.

Answer 2

Fear of abandonment is one of the hallmarks of borderline personality disorder.  They make frantic efforts to avoid real or ***imagined*** abandonment.  They, also tend to have a pattern of unstable and intense relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.  These are just two of the characteristics that are common among those diagnosed with BPD, but they are the most common and abandonment is the biggie.  That is where the paranoia is coming from.  Hope this helps explain things.

Answer 3

Hi

Justice clearly explained how it is....BPD ppl can be so comsuming and hard to live with...I grew up with a father who suffers from it only he would never have and got help way to late....

buying a house together is a joint effort and you need to stand your ground and ensure that you are swallowed in the whole BPD trash. Maybe suggest he gets some therapy and medication to assist if he isn't already doing so and maybe do more research so you have an understanding of the disorder....I am a MDD and I know i can be a handful for my partner but I am in therapy to rectify my way of thinking etc.....

you need to understand that this is the BPD talking and although he maybe the most loving and sweetest human you could ever meet...they can manipulate those they love or need and that is the BPD that does that not them as such.....be careful and try to be understanding but always remember to put your own health and sanity first and never be consumed and locked in to his insecurities....

Research and talk...that is the best advice I can give you...and do this if you want to make this work for both of you but he has to be a willing partner and get help as paranoia and domination can get to much for someone trying to love those who suffer from BPD

Goodluck.

Answer 4

I would say that it is not a good idea to get financially intermingled with your sig other.  It sounds like there are too many concerns.

Answer 5

I'm a barber. I am half partners in my shop. Years ago, when I was an employee, I had a bi-polar co-worker. Sometimes they were great and doing good work. Other times the boss had to send him home because he was useless. Those were days he didn't make money. After about 6 months and many chances, it was decided he couldn't get his act together and keep it together for at least a week at a time, so he was let go. Nice guy. Good worker when he was OK, not a stable earner.

Answer 6

You already know the answer to this question.  There is no way in h**l he needs to be on the title or the mortgage to your house.  He is too unstable.

One of the great things about having a mortgage, is having the tax deduction.  Putting your cash into the house may not actually make the most financial sense.  He could probably invest that money elsewhere, and come out way ahead in the end.