Buying kids? I can understand some reasons as to why, but still, what the h**l?

Question

Youre buying a kid. Thats so sadistically wrong. I mean, a dog is one thing, but a kid? Uhm...Im not sure, but wasnt there a kind of bill or law or something in America that made buying humans illegal? I mean, really. Buying a kid. What the h**l?

I can understand that the agencies dont want the kid going to just anyone, but thats what background & home checks & interviews are for. Plus, if you buy a kid for, say, 20,000, then isnt that a 20,000 that could have been used for the betterment of the kids life, such as doctors visits & school & whatnot? Does the money go to the real parents? If so, thats pretty messed up, as well. On a job application for something the mother can put 'baby mill breeder'. Gul durn, that totally sounds like such an American thing.

I guess im not exactly going anywhere with this rant, but can you tell me WHY you have to pay for a kid? Aside from free agencies. Granted, having your own kid costs a bunch throughout its life, but you pay lots more adopting

Answer 1

So, I suppose you think paying a doctor is "buying" good health, or giving tithes is "buying" religion ,  or paying an Obstetrician for delivering a baby is "buying" a baby?

You smell like the same anti-adoption troll that has been spending way too much time here lately.  How about trying the mental health board?

Answer 2

GROW UP!!

Answer 3

Look...it's simple.

You pay the lawyer, the doctor fees, and the mother's medical bill.  That adds up!  Then there is the social worker's fees, the agency's fees...the fees for the background check, interviews & home checks.

If you figure everyone who gets a fee, $20k isn't all that surprising.

You pay quite a bit even if you adopt through the state, trust me!!!   My folks paid a small fortune in the 1970's, I can't imagine how bad it is now.  That's the price.....to make sure it is done right.  And sometimes, it is still screwed up.  Because it is just human nature. There is no baby buying.....just lots of happily sleepless night for new adopting parents.  And GOD BLESS EM.

Answer 4

Mainly because they are unable to have their own children.

In the case of the rich and fancies, it's publicity.

Answer 5

You answered your own question. Home studies, interviews, background checks all require time and money. Adoption fees go to pay for those things, as well as agency advertising.

NO, the money does not go to the natural parents. That's illegal... and frankly, it's insulting to even suggest that we (natural parents) would accept money for our children. I chose adoption for my daughter because at the time I thought I was giving her a better life. I now severely regret it, but I NEVER would have accepted money for her and never wanted to, ever. All I ever wanted was for my little girl to be happy and loved.

As for the costs... yes, it's obscene. I actually think America should follow Australia's example and completely revamp their adoption laws and cut out most of this money. But I promise you, it's not the natural parents getting rich... it is the ADOPTION AGENCIES AND LAWYERS.

Answer 6

I can see why you would think that since adoptions are VERY costly that this total cost is a one item (ie. baby) fee.  Unless you have adopted a child you would not know or have a clue as to what the fees actually are and who they go to.  Well here is a general breakdown for a domestic adoption:

1.  $350 application fee

2.  $1550 Homestudy fee.  This amount is also split up for background checks fees, adoptive parent counseling and training (classes are required)

3.  $750 post placement fees (have to pay the Social Worker and his/her Agency for the time and travel and paperwork).  Each state differs with the number of post placement visits, my state requires 2.

4.  $6400.00  Attorney fees.  Here is a breakdown of attorney fees for you

                   $250  for 1st meeting

                   $1500 retainer

                   $1250 costs for her and her work with agency

    Approx  $400 legal fees (court filing and other document fees)

                    $3000 after consents to adopt are signed

5.  If you are using an Agency the cost is between $7000 and $15000, it is called "Program fee".  This covers about 12 months of services from the Agency.  This cost is to help pay for birth mom advertising, salaries of workers, taking and screening the calls, meeting the birth moms, counseling the birth moms, driving them to appts., helping them get medical insurance (if needed), etc., etc., etc.,

6.  Now here is another cost that is very flexible as well.....birth mom living expenses.  Often times you will find a BM that needs rent, maternity clothes, salary paid for missed work, medical bills, utility bills, etc.....This cost is monitored by the court system in my State (IL).  The court has to approve the costs and they usually have a ceiling (meaning a BM cannot receive more than a court ordered amount).  BTW this is the area in which the BM can scam for cash.  This money is not refundable should the BM change her mind in the end.  Don’t get me wrong though, should a BM change her mind then so be it....that IS the risk that adoptive families are taking by doing a domestic adoption and I am sure that they are all aware of it.  Doing a International adoption that risk does not exist....you are guaranteed a child...but the cost is higher.  

This is really a generic list here.  Adoption costs vary by state and what the needs are of a BM and in some cases the cost vary greatly depending on how a BM and adoptive family find each other.  The more the Agency is involved the more it costs.  Also these costs are assuming that you adopt within a year’s time.  If a BM finds you after 1 year there are "updating costs".  Agency fees are good for 12 months; a Home study is good for 12 months (updating this document could cost about $600).  There are also interstate compact agreements needed when a child is being adopted from a different stae of the adoptive family.  This procedure costs money too.

Having wrote all that let me ask you a question:

DO you think the high cost for adoption helps weed out the families that are SERIOUS about adoption from those that are adopting and not really sure that this is the right thing to do?

Finally, let me assure you that the adoption system in US is not without flaws; HOWEVER, our Government has laws that are in place so to avoid "Baby selling" in this country.  It is unethical, dangerous, and sick.  When adoptive families are paying other people for their services to help them adopt a child in the US I can assure you that they want nothing more than to do this with all the I's dotted and T's crossed.  I can also assure you that when a BM puts her child up for adoption she has every intention of giving her child a good home.  She is NOT doing this for money unless she is a scammer (and they are out there).  Pres. Bush put into law in 2005 that OUR AMERICAN GOVERNMENT will allow ALL adoptive families (except in the cases of stepchildren) are entitled to a 10000 tax credit to help elkeviate the cost of adoption and more monies can go towards rasing the child.

Last question for you:

Why would you think that being a baby mill is an AMERICAN THING???  DO you really think our government promotes women giving their children up for adoption.....what planet do you live on???

Answer 7

wow   your so narrowminded

Answer 8

I didn't buy my daughter, she was free.  It was the adoption that cost money.

My child was 14 months old when she came to us.  I've asked this before here: do you seriously believe that she should have been left naked, homeless, uncared for, unfed, and without any medical care for all that time?  And then how would we have found her if she had simply been left where she was abandoned?  Should I expect someone else to do all of that work and provide for her needs for free?  Can you afford to do your job for no pay?  I couldn't, not consistently enough to assure quality care.

Should doctors, lawyers, social workers, child care workers, nurses, janitors (to keep the orphanage clean), cooks, and store owners all be expected simply to pitch in and donate time and materials?

We spent, over the course of about 18 months, roughly $18,000 to adopt our daughter.  That included things like passport fees, airline tickets for 3 adults (my husband is wheelchair-bound so we needed to bring an extra adult along), and hotel and food expenses for all of us, including the baby, which wasn't cheap.  But should the hotels have waived their fees just because we were there to get a baby?

And, no, it is illegal in the US to pay a mother for her child, whether the mother and her child are from here or not.  It is okay to pay her birth related expenses, but no money can go straight to her (or the dad for that matter) in exchange for a child.  

Can I ask why you're so upset?

Answer 9

GREAT question.

Sadly - American's can't see that that's EXACTLY what they're doing.

And - oh - the pressure on the little adoptee to be up to scratch - or all that money will come back to bite them if they're not grateful and don't behave.

The adoption machine is out of control.

And it's certainly NOT in the best interests of the child.

Answer 10

First of all adopting is NOT "buying" a baby. The money goes to pay adoption related fees and does not go to the birth family (some expenses for birthmothers may be included in fees such as medical costs)

Domestic adoption fees can cover such costs as:

-advertising (the adds you see in phone books, online, billboards, ect)

-cost to run the adoption agency and employ social workers

-counselling for potential birthmothers (including those who decide to parent the child instead of placing the child for adoption

-training classes for adoptive parents

- legal fees (often $3,000- $14,000) *

-medical expences for birthmother

-home study ($1,000- $3,000)

It is also a terrible misconseption that adoption agencies are getting rich off these adoptions. Many are non-profit (ours was), and all of the social workers and agency owners I know are FAR from being rich. Yes, there may be a few currupt agencies/ facilitaters out there but it is definetly not the norm.

Answer 11

I agree, I think it is crazy that a person has to pay so much for a child someone else isn't able to care for.  I could understand if fees were minimal, but our adoption cost $21000 when it was all said and done.  That is really sad.

However, I have had 4 miscarriages and it doesn't seem that I will ever have a sucuessful pregnancy.  So, we are going to have to be happy with a small family because we cannot afford to adopt very many times.  We will do whatever we can to adopt 3 or 4 times, but beyond that...that is all!  We are praying for twins!

At this point, I am thankful for the two children that we do have.  An almost 12 month old daughter, and an almost 9 month old son!

Answer 12

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Answer 13

Adoption is not buying a child.

The money spent on an adoption are legal fees, paperwork fees etc.  Sometimes, in cases of domestic adoption, you are paying for the first mother's living expenses while she is pregnant.

You are pretty ignorant about adoption.  What you are saying is very hurtful to EVERYONE in the adoption triad.

Answer 14

Adoption is expensive.  But you can go for the non profit and it is cheaper.  Plus with in come tax adoption credit, then you get an even bigger break. Background checks and home study are necessary because of past indiscretion of adoptive couples and agencies. International adoption has it troubles too. I had a friend that was adopting from Russia and the judge got upset about something and made them wait 2 years before they could bring the kid home

Answer 15

I'm not sure where you're getting the "buying a kid" thing from.  We adopted two girls (sisters) internationally & here are some of the things we paid for with the adoption...notice I never "paid" for the girls...I paid for the process, the expertise, the documents and the agency's help in bringing them into my family.

First of all, there’s an application fee so that the agency can look over your application and talk to you about your intentions, hopes, desires and dreams.  They use this information to see if you’re an appropriate family to bring a child into.  From there you have fees that cover program fees (the social workers and coordinators and other agency staff need to be paid if they’re to keep the doors open).  They have a lot of training & have a lot of expertise to share with you to make your adoption experience smoother, easier & more pleasant.  There are expenses involved in translating the whole, huge stack of paperwork and other documents that you’ve gathered during the “paper chase” phase of the process.  There are a lot of nuances with each language & something that might sound straight forward in English may be far from it in the child’s birth language – they look for all these types of things so that the receiving government doesn’t reject your dossier.

There is expense involved in gathering your paperwork.  You’ll ask for references & most of the documents you gather will not only have to be notarized, but the notary seal will need to be authenticated (apostille).  You’ll likely have to pay to get copies of birth and marriage certificates & any divorce decrees, too.  You’ll pay to be fingerprinted by Immigration and have them process your prints, the FBI will need prints & to process them, your state will also need prints and need to process them (so Immigration check, FBI criminal background check, state criminal and child abuse/neglect background checks).  There are lots of other documents like your passports, visas to travel & conduct legal business in the other country, medical exams, etc.

Then you have the homestudy, pre-adoption and post-adoption services you’ll receive.  There’s the post-placement visits and reports as well.  Plus the expenses of any pre-adoption classes or training you need to get and any books you read and want to add to your library which will help you parent your child.

Now…that’s just pretty much to get your dossier together and into the other country’s hands.  Now you have your travel expenses.  You’re going to need to buy plane tickets, pay for lodging and meals as well as taxis and things to get around.  You’ll need to get medicals for the child in order for him/her to receive their passport and visa to travel back home with you.  You have the expense for the child’s travel visa and passport.  You’ll need to pay for the new birth certificate and for the court costs associated with the adoption decree.  There will likely be an attorney in country handling all the legalities for you.  Plus you’ll probably have a translator and maybe a driver to take you where you need to go when you need to be there (many third world countries have conditions where you would not want to drive!).

The child has been in an orphanage or foster care for how many ever weeks, months or years, too.  Those expenses must be covered so that they can provide care for the children who are still in care waiting for their forever families and for new children coming into care.  That’s where the orphanage donation, fee or the foster care donation or fee comes into play.

Alright…so that gets you to the airport & you need to pay for the child’s air fare, too, plus any incidental expenses that are associated with your travel back home.

So…that’s why international adoption is so expensive.  Considering all that, I think it’s a bargain!

Now...if that offends you, I'm sorry.  If you're so against adoption fees and expenses...then maybe you'd consider adopting from the foster system.  We'll likely adopt again in the future and will likely adopt a child in foster care.  There are few, if any fees that we'll need to cover.

Answer 16

You don't buy the kid, you pay all the hospital and lawyer fees with the money you spend.  Most of which you would be spending anyways having the child,

And besides most people who adopt cannot have their on children.  And there is not amount of money that is too much to pay so that they could hold a baby in their arms and call it their own.

Answer 17

Well, I paid a lot of money to Dr.'s and a hospital to give birth to my son, and I pay a lot of money to feed him clothe him and buy toys. But this sure isn't "buying" him!!!!!!!!! It's called taking care of him.

What's wrong with taking care of a child that nobody else wants? Should we let them starve? Beg for a living? My sister paid a lot of money to adopt a handicapped boy from China. He would've spent his life in a wheelchair, but now, in the US, he has good medical care, and he can run & play with other kids. She sure didn't "Buy" him! She takes care of him!

Answer 18

Your rant is full of ignorance. The adoption process is not about buying kids.

The costs are for lawyers, counselors, expenses for the birth mother and sometimes the doctors and hospitals.

So if you want your adoption to be legal, your birth mom to be healthy and  content with her decision and everyone to be happy, the costs of adoption are worth it.

Answer 19

Yes! you're right in America people are buying children everyday. Infact, if you research the adoption industry more you'll find that depending on the race of the child, the adoption "fee's" differ.

Many adoptive parents will argue and say that they didn't "buy" a baby or that it was the "other" fee's involved in the adoption : lawyers, homestudy, etc. But the truth of the matter is, they DID buy a baby. IN places like Australia there ARE NO PRIVATE adoptions allowed, it is illegal, because their govt. realized that it was comparable to child trafficing and outlawed it amoung other things.

The american govt. however, has seen the great profit it can make, last year it was over 2 billion dollars. Where virtually anyone can start up a "private" adoption agency, where mothers are found and targeted to surrender their children in order to meet the "demand" of the couples wanting to adopt children and willing to pay extreme unecessary fee's. While the foster children * who really need homes * continue to get looked over and past over because they're not "infant" enough, they have "too many issues" and aren't desireable.

welcome...to america.

and yes eyetwinkles, a research of other countries adoption laws AMERICA IS a baby machine. It has countries like Guatemala and many other 3rd world countries resulting to baby thieving and illegal selling of its children to "american couples" to fullfill the excessive demand of couples wanting to adopt infants in this country.  Check out Australias adoption laws and you'll find a much more reformed system than the USA's. Its not perfect, but its ALOT better.

Answer 20

if u r free of sin throe the first stone we r no one 2 judge  thats y we have a heavenly father what do u care how other people spend their money its theirs 2 spend not yours, worry about your own an let every body b.U dont know what people go thrue u dont live their lives u dont know how hard it is when u cant have your own child thats y its so easy 4 people like u 2 judge i personelly have been trying and trying i have went from one treatment to another i did in-vitro 4 times and at the end we were broke so if i had the money maybe i would do the same thing ,so if u dont know stop judging people because u r not in their shoes.Only god has the right to jdge not u your not god thank god