CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME SOME FUNNY jokes?

Question

PLEASE, TELL ME SOME JOKES... I´M A SPANISH NATIVE SPEAKER. I´M TAKING ENGLISH CLASSES AND I NEED THEM FOR HOMEWORK

THANKS!!!

Answer 1

what's a witches favorite subject.......spelling

Answer 2

knock knock

who's there

Doctor

doctor who

doctor pepper

huh..huh, gd eh ;)

Answer 3

sry blondes but its just a joke

a blonde, a brunette, and a red head rob a bank. they run to hide in a barn and fing 3 potatoe sacks, so they go hide in them. when the police officer comes into the barn he kiks the bags to see what are in them. he kiks the red heads bag and she says meow so police officer checks the next bag and the brunette says woof woof. finally he kiks the blondes bag and she say potatoe. :D

another

there are 5 blondes and a brunette are on top of a mountain when a wind blows them off. they are only hanging on to a rope for their lives. suddenly the rope starts to break because the weight is too much. so the brunette says a long speech about how she will let go because her life is less imprtant and at the end of the speech the blondes clap.

Answer 4

this is old but i think ts funny....

there were three blokes and a magic genie. the magic genie let them each have one wish. but in order to recieve this wish they would have slide down the magic slide.

the first bloke said "i wish i could be rich" and so he slide down the magic slide into a pot of gold coins!

the second bloke said "i wish for all the chocolate in the world!" and so he slide down the magic slide and landed in a pot of chocolate!

the third bloke got to the top of the magic slide and said "weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee".........

Answer 5

Fat bloke goes to the doctor, and, seeks advice, as to the surest method of losing weight. Doctor tells him to strip and get on the scales: "Sorry, you'll have to diet." "No problem doctor" the man replies. "What colour?"  

Answer 6

A man went up to his doctor and told him, 'Doctor, everyone keeps ignoring me!'

Doctor: 'Next!'

Answer 7

These 3 guys are on the roof of a building and the 1st guy claims that he is faster than the other 2. Then the 2nd guy says that he is faster than the other 2. The third guy says nothing. So the 1st guy says that if you can drop your watch off the building and be able to catch your watch, then it will prove who is fastest. The 2nd and 3rd guy agrees. So the 1st guy drops his watch and runs really fast to the parking lot of the building and finds his watch flat on the ground. Then the 2nd guy drops his watch down the building and runs really fast to the parking lot of the building and finds his watch also flat on the ground. The 3rd guy drops his watch down the building. For 5 minutes, he drinks a soda. For 6 minutes, he uses the restroom. For minutes, he flirts with a lady. And for 5 minutes, he walks down to the parking lot, pulls out his hand, and his watch lands unbroken on his hand. When he got back to the roof of the building, the 2 other guys asked how he did that. The 3rd guy said, "My watch is 20 minutes slower."

By the way, I love Steven N's joke!

Answer 8

Here are some very good english jokes...

1. Gordon Brown.

2. Western civilistation is class free and everyone has equal rights.

3. People that say well it's worse in other countries.

Answer 9

a man walks into a bar...............OUCH!

Answer 10

Sorry if these aren't funny

                  An old couple that had memory problems, were told by their doctor that they need to start writing down things. The next day the husband went into the kitchen and asked if the wife if she  wanted anything. She said "I want ice cream" "Okay" says the husband "Oh" adds the wife " with whiped cream on top, and I think you should be writing this down" "No, no, I can remember it." "Oh, and with a straw berry on top, I think you should write this down." "No, no I can remember it." A few minutes pass and the husband comes back with a plate of bacon, eggs, and pancakes." The wife looks over it and says, "You forgot my toast."

                    A blonde goes into the store and asks the clerk, "What does IDK stand for." "I don't know." the guys said. The blond  groan and goes "Ugh, nobody knows."                

                        

Answer 11

what does the spanish plane say when he crosses the road....BOOM!

Answer 12

joker:how do you get an elephant out of a subway?

listener:how?

joker:you take the "f" out of "way"

listener: (pause to think) there's no "f" in "way"

get it?

you got him to say, "There's no effin way!"

lol!!!

Answer 13

There are these two muffins who were just popped into the oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, "gee, it's really hot in here." The other muffin says, "Ahhhh! A talking muffin."

Answer 14

Little Johny Wants to Get Married?

One day Lil Jony says to his father:

I want to get married.

Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?

Johny: Yes , Gradma

Father: What? There is a problem now, you want to marry my Mother?

Johny: Why not? You married my mother.