COSLEEPERS ONLY: At what age do your kids typically want to sleep in their own beds?

Question

We have a four year old, and a 7 mo. old. We are getting a lot of flack for still cosleeping with everyone in our family bed. Please indicate the age your children stopped wanting to cosleep and how cosleeping worked in your family for elementary age children's school schedules.

OUR situation: We are big people, my four year old is tall for her age also, so we pulled her twin next to our king and filled in the gap with covered pool noodles. The baby sleeps inbetween my husband and I or inbetween me and the pool noodles (four year old never crosses them.) She seems to like her own bed:(

Answer 1

When my daughter was 2.5 we got her her very own bed that she picked out for Christmas, along with all manner of surprise fancy bedding and fairy canopy.  She was introduced to it Christmas morning and that's when she was ready for her own bed.  Now she spent years past that meandering back to our room in the wee morning hours, but that wasn't a problem in our house.  She's still welcome for a stealthy 4am pop in, even though she never does now, approaching 6.  One of us would still lay down with her after the big move while she fell asleep though, and both that and her am visits lasted until she was past 5.  There was a pause in the nighttime visiting when she was 4, but it picked up after her brother was born.  For her school schedule, one of us would lay down with her while she fell asleep early in the evening, like 7:30, while the other put the baby to sleep, then got back up.  (You know, for mommy/daddy time - that thing some people seem to confine to the bedroom, lol.)  And she has always woken us first thing in the morning, whether she's ended up sleeping in our bed or not.  I haven't needed an alarm clock in years.

Obviously you're successful at ignoring the flack.  Everyone does what works best for their family and I can'f figure out why people spend time worrying about other people's sleeping arrangements.  You're neither hurting or endangering a 4yr old by sharing a room with her, but if you're feeling she prefers her own bed and may well prefer her own room, there are 2 approaches I might try - making her own room a very big to-do with much decoration, surprise and fanfare, or more gradually moving her bed to the other side of the room, then her room, maybe with a parent for a while.  You know your daughter best and whether a grand event or a gradual transistioning, or no change at all might work best for everyone.

Answer 2

All my children co-slept with me. But do feel that at four they do well sleeping in their own bed. My first two had their own bed at age two, and my youngest was the longest to almost 4. As soon as I got him his big bed he was excited and liked his own room. its been  wonderful putting him to bed, we do bath time, story time and bed.  Co sleeping is great for bonding, but they will like their new independance and as much as you may miss it, its great.

Your daughter seems to be enjoying her own bed, and its probably time she had her own space.

Answer 3

i'm an adult & still like to sleep with someone (think spouse or significant other).  the feeling never goes away!!  pick one nite a month for bed sharing.

Answer 4

I have NEVER ever let my children sleep with me....as a matter of fact they were 3days old and went into their own rooms cause I wasn't getting any sleep worrying about them.  I can't believe you let your kids sleep with you.  In my house the bed is for two things and two things only....sleep and s*x.  How do you even have s*x with your husband?  Bed is when it's you and your spouses time to be alone.  Good luck trying to wean the 4 year old out....

Answer 5

The way you get them to their own bed is putting them there from the start!

If your 4-year old is sleeping in her own bed (even if it is "technically" next to yours by a noodle), then move her out.  

You say you don't want to "wean" them from sleeping in the bed with you...what if they are 15 and still wanting to sleep with you?  Wouldn't you see that as a problem?  

Unless you have a lack of space (or using the kids for an intimacy barrier between you and your husband), there is no reason to have kids in bed with you.

Answer 6

I did co-spleeping when they were really small.  At 3 months, I put them in their crib, but would regularly bring them into our bed.  I find that this way, they know that they are big boys and have their own beds in their own room, but that we always welcome them into our bed.  Firm but loving.  We all have a great relationship.  They crawl into our bed from time to time and sometimes we send them back to their room. Other times, we leave them in our bed.  They are 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 yrs old now.  We do "sleep-overs" in our room from time to time as an "official" we're sleeping in mommy and daddy's room, and they love sleeping over my parents' house.  They go to bed with out fuss every night.  They love sharing a room together.  We have a 5 bedroom house.  It's just the 4 of us - using 2 bedrooms.  But they LOVE each other and want to share a room.  I believe we instilled that in them and it fosters a loving family relationship.

Whatever you decide - it'll be the right thing.

Answer 7

My eldest was about 3 when he asked to move into his own bed into his room. Just one day decided he wanted to. But we recently moved from our house into a tiny apartment, and the big change was difficult on him and he asked to sleep with us again. He is 4 and now he sleeps in his toddler bed pulled up next to our queen bed. We also have a 20 month old who is still nursing, and he sleeps in the bed between the wall and myself(our bed is cornered next to the wall).

We are perfectly comfortable with this set up and have no desire to change. Eventually they will express a desire to be in their own room, and when that time comes they can make that decision. No need to force them out.

Sounds like you are doing a good job, and you should ignore the criticism. They are not this little for long.

**Mama of 2: Wow, how boring. Do you only have s*x in your bed? I cannot speak for the OP, but my s*x life is great, thank you very much. I am not so close-minded as to think s*x only occurs in the bed at night. Co-sleeping makes things much more exciting.

Answer 8

My kid is 5 and still sleeps in my bed. It's not a big deal, some people are so uptight about co-sleeping. In a lot of other countries no one gives it a second thought. The idea that in this country people send their infants & children off into different areas of the house alone is thought of as extremely unnatural and even uncaring by people from other cultures. I think co-sleeping is a two way street and should end whenever either party wants it to. Either when the kid decides they want to sleep in their own bed or the parents decide they want the bed back to themselves. For now, my kid hates his own bed and it doesn't bother me to share mine. When he wants to move into his bed then of course, I'll encourage it. All families are different, just do what works for you and your kids. People who are against co-sleeping feel that way because of cultural reasons, not out of biological appropriateness.

You may find this article interesting. =]

http://www.labouroflove.org/babies/co%11...