Calling all parents of special needs children..How is your marriage? Do you have any advise? ?

Question

I would love any advise on keeping a marriage happy with a special needs child? I have a husband that wants to go out all the time and needs lots of time "for himself". Any help is appreciated.

Answer 1

I have met many parents with special needs and yes, it is quite common for the husbands to be 'hands-off' mainly because they don't know how to cope with the situation. I suggest that you don't nag at your husband.... that will just drive him away... have some quality, fun time with him... let him feel wanted and then slowly give him some 'do-able ' tasks --- things that he can manage. Get him involved slowly. Remember, don't nag. The other thing is that you can get the family to do 'fun' activities together, so that it doesn't put him off.

My husband loves my ASD son to bits. He started with denial but slowly came to terms with our son's condition. Now, he is taking proactive steps in helping our son. All the best to you. I always think that we moms should give ourselves a big pat on the back!

Answer 2

i dont know f you would really say my child is a special needs child, he has sensory issues, and is being seen by three different people once a week...occupational therpist, teacher, and a doctor. But my husband and i tend to argue a lot from stress, both ways. working, home, bills, appointments, everything. My husband doesnt seem to "need" a lot of time for himself, he contributes to his family. His away time is at work. I do not mean to sound rude at all, but to me it seems your husband is being a little selfish. He has a bigger responsibility than himself now and that could be getting to him. Yes it is stressful and yes every parent whether dealing with a special needs child or not needs a break, but to take a lot of tim for himself when he has responsibilities at home is selfish, does he give you a break? Maybe you need to talk it out with him. You need time too. I suggest, talking, and maybe scheduling a time maybe once a week to go out together get some time for both of you to relax. That will be "yall's time"  

Answer 3

My marriage broke up just before christmas i have a 15 year old and a6 year old with ADHD and she has it badly my husband could not cope so he left i always though when the going got tough he would be off and he did.now he has nothing to do with them or me and i think its sad but i found out since hes gone our local social services helped me more maybe it was worth him coping after all.

If your husband cant cope get some help for him

Answer 4

I am not a parent, but I am that "special needs child" grown up to 30 years of age.  I've spoken with my mother at length recently about some of the issues involved in raising me.  My father passed away just before my 17th birthday, but I can tell you that, because they maintained a united front supporting each other as well as supporting me, not to mention my two older brothers through all of it, I've turned out relatively okay, and my brothers are both married with families of their own.  Sure, I still have some issues in my life, but who doesn't?  However, I know of more than one family which broke up over issues related to their special needs child(ren).  I don't think the child was better served by that.  

A special needs child can be a lot of work, though.  Both parents need to make a commitment to provide for that child in whatever way possible, because without a united front from both parents, that child, even being special needs, will feel very lost and let down if not getting the proper love and appreciation from each parent.  

If your husband needs a lot of "self time", try to plan both of your days around allowing him to get that without making your day miserable by not giving you the "self time" you need.  Perhaps you should arrange and then invite your husband to a couples therapy session.  He may just be unaware of the struggles you feel like you are going through, and once he becomes aware, he might be more willing and able to be accommodating to you.  

Good luck.  I hope it works out for both of you.