Can't believe she did this, I need advice!?

Question

I am recently married and I have a friend who was in the wedding (Matron) and really close to me, or so I thought. I am now finding out that she talked so much smack about our wedding (she is very religious, he is muslim, i am christian), she told our friends the wedding was disorganized, she felt rushed the day of, she hated her makeup, and that if she could do it over again, she basically wouldve declined her invite to be in the bridal party. She talks about how our religious differences will basically d**n our marriage to h**l (she does this NOW, after the wedding is over) I feel so stupid for inviting her into our special day. We also have more friends getting married very soon, and she has been comparing and putting a viel of competition over the other (bigger) weddings and mine. "So and so's wedding will be SO NICE". She was even the FIRST person to leave our reception! Can you believe it?! In a freakin' bridesmaid gown, she was the first one to peel out of the parking lot! The problem is she comes off really really nice, sweet and religious, but then she exhibits sneaky sideways behavior like this. I am so hurt. Should I even say something to her about her behavior, or let it be. A close family member says to leave it alone, and just keep a short distance from her going forward. I just feel like she ruined the most important day of my life, and I've been pretending like everything went great and perfect when I'm really hurt, and confused. The wedding was actually very pretty, and I've had so many people tell me they had such a nice time, and that it was so pretty. But behind the scenes she really made this rough for me. She railed on me about every little thing from our honeymoon to the fact that we opted not to have a videographer. She constantly said "at MY wedding, we did this...." I guess the hard part is that I secretly want to do it all over again and remove her from the equation, but I can't now. I know what the purpose of the day was truly about, and I am blessed and happy to be married to the man I love. But I have this horrible memory of the way I was treated by someone who was supposed to be a good friend. What do I do?

Answer 1

What do you do when a dog barks at you on the road???

Yep .. ignore and move on.. its time to enjoy your life now and not ruin it by thinking about some bytch barking around..

Become the best wife and the best girlfriend to your man now !!! thats your priority .

Answer 2

well I certainly would not be a friend to her anymore, she is obviously not one to you.  

Answer 3

I had a friend that was similar to what your "friend" sounds like. She was SOOO sweet to everyone.... and people would always think that she was "perfect" and get mad at me (because of the rumors she spread around..) I was friends w/ this girl for 12 years... because I kept forgiving her and buying into her lies... So my advice to you... is find it in your heart to forgive her... (because otherwise I believe grudges eat you alive inside) BUT just because you forgive her does not mean you need to be friends... and it will be hard because if she is like my old friend... she may cry and beg for forgiveness or look like she is sooo hurt by not bieng friends and about what she did... but its all an act. You have got to be the bigger person and pretend it doesnt bother you... She could be doing it because shes jealous (maybe she isnt married?) either way I would just not talk to her... and dont go around saying "can you believe what so and so is saying" because SHE is the only looking silly by saying what she is... I am so sorry you had to go through this... I am getting married in 21 days... and as a bride-to-be I worry about my "PERFECT" day... and how not all the details are worked out and are people going to like it... all the typical thoughts/emotions of a bride... your friends knows these thoughts and is being malicious by telling you the last thing you would want to hear...  

Answer 4

She sounds obnoxious. Normally I would advise you to take the high road, just forget about her, and look forward to your life without her negativity. However if you have to deal with her in the future, its important to keep your sanity. I would talk to her. Tell her that her comments hurt, and if she has negative things to say about the wedding would she please keep them to herself, because it brings down everyone else in the room. If you can phrase it so it sounds like she is the party-pooper with an ugly attitude, and everyone else is just having a good time no matter what the wedding is like, hopefully that will hurt her enough to shut her up.

Answer 5

Send her a present from dogdoo.com

Answer 6

If she does this AFTER the wedding, try to ignore it and focus on the fact that she pretended to be happy for you on your big day and it went the way you wanted.  I'm sure you were happy with the day until you found this out so pretend like you never did. lol

I don't know what kind of friend would act like this...I'm sorry but what a *********.

There is no way to change your memories of the past but try to focus on the things you enjoyed about the day, the first glimps of your husband as you walked down the isle, the first dance etc etc.  

If I were in that situation I would probably tell her off in a BIG way and then never talk to her again, or wait until I got a big apology from her before I did, and even then I don't think it would be the same.  However I would never actually recommend this to anyone....but you may need to tell her off a bit in a nicer way. something like "it really hurts me that you are acting like this and saying this stuff.  I thought we were really close friends and this hurts my feelings" something along those lines.

Good luck with this hun I am so sorry this is happening to you.

Answer 7

I would just let it be. You and your hubby are happy with the way your life is going. She may see that you guys are happier then she will ever be. Alot of brides have the post wedding do over syndrome.....(lol) i sure did....I wish I could have changed one of my bridesmaids for my MOH. My MOH was a headache from day one. She thought she knew everything about weddings bc she was training to be a bridal planner. and so she was always right behind me telling me what i was doing wrong. LOL. BUT o well.......I just put it all behind me and let it roll off my shoulders. It was my day and how I wanted everything done, not hers. SO just remember your day the way you wanted it to be and just let things roll off your shoulders

Answer 8

If i were in your shoes I would confront her but only when there are those people around that she talked all the smack too. Let those people in on what you are going to do so they are not taken by total surprise by this attack so to speak. it is your right to confront her and put her in her place that will settle all the confusion you are having and make her come clean from those lies and stupid things she is spreading around and trying to start. By having those people there that she has talked her smack to when you confront her this will back her into a tight corner that she will not be prepared to deal with at all and she will have no choice but to admit to being wrong. I would not have anything more to do with this person ever again. she sounds very jealous and childish to say the least.  I wish you all the best in your new marriage and I am positive your wedding day was truly the best and wonderful...  good luck my friend

Answer 9

You have two choices, talk to her about how she made you feel on the most important day of your life or suck it up and say nothing.  So how about making a pro/con list of telling her? See which has the most benefits.

You seem like though that you really feel the need to get this off your chest.  And it could be very soul clearing. If you decide to talk with her tell her that as a Christian that you are very surprised on how she treated you!  You know, it is people like her that give Christians bad names.  You might want to throw in that tolerance of other religions can win over people.  Yes, you could even tell her that one day your husband could convert! But only if he is treated in a tolerant way. Tell her that you hope when she does get married that she has the wedding of her dreams and that she does not have anyone  in her wedding party do the same to her as she did to you. I'd ask that she stop talking trash about you . Tell her that you had the wedding for you and your husband, not to meet her needs. That you are happily married and you would not have changed anything about your wedding!  

She then will have to take the constructive criticism or not, that is her choice. Then you can go live your live and feel blessed that you have the man of your dreams!  

Answer 10

Don't let someone so worthless ruin something so special to you. Forget her- she's such a *****! Haha..  

Answer 11

You should tell her that what she is doing is wrong. It wasn't her wedding it was yours she should respect that not everyone wants/likes what she does. Who is she to judge anyone's wedding? Don't let her ruin your memory of the best day of your life. Talk to her let her know what she is doing is wrong and keep your distance from her because she is obviously someone who should not be trusted.

GOOD LUCK!!!

Answer 12

religious people suck

Answer 13

You're married right? Well, in the end, that's all that matters. Just stay close to the people who are important to you and let loose those who show disloyalty. It's inevitable for something to go wrong on a wedding day. For example, my wedding day was perfect...everything went off without a hitch...except that right in the middle of pictures we found out that my step-brother passed away the day before. It put a big cloud overhead, but the day still went on. "it's what he'd have wanted" were my step-dad's words. So, all in all, you're still married and that's what is important.  

Answer 14

Don't let her ruin your memories of your wedding day.  The most important thing is you married the man you love and that is the think to remember.  I would just distance yourself from this person and let it go like your family said.  She isn't worth getting upset over; she is two faced and a backstabber.  Certainly not the type of person to get upset over, but I can see why you feel that way.  You thought she was a good friend and it turned out she is anything but that.

Answer 15

tell her off. seriously tell her off. stand up for yourself and tell her exactly where you stand and you will not have her bad mouthing your family you have created. ask her why she came to the wedding if she felt that way and tell her shes no longer welcom in your life.

Answer 16

Jealousy is a curse. Just enjoy your marriage with your husband. The wedding is only one day of your lifetime together.  Something goes wrong with most weddings and let this be your little thing. It's not major, don't let it infect you. God Bless you and your husband.  

Answer 17

She's obviously happy talking about you behind your back - see if she's so happy when you speak with her and get her to say it to your face.  She's obviously not a true friend so you shouldn't be too worried about losing her as one when you've had your say.  Your friendship/relationship is obviously damaged by this, so you have nothing to lose.  Put the wicked woman in her place, but keep your cool, temper and self respect while your say what you have to say - and watch her squirm!

Answer 18

It's times like this that shows you a real friend and just another person in your life.  You cant do it over and do not regret anything about you day.  Think of the good times, the fabulous memories and your husband.

The problem is there are some people who find themselves "religious" that all the bad things they do to others are ok if they go to church or confess their sins later.

Religious or not, karma will come back to her on this.  Let her go from your life and thing of the good in your day!

Answer 19

Therein lies the difference between faith and fanaticism. Fanatics can be horribly hypocritical.

She's obviously not living up to the tenets of her own faith. All that you can do is forgive her, ignore her behavior, and live your life. If she is so two-faced as all that, you definitely need to avoid her company. Besides, to talk about your relationship so, how can she ever have time for her own? You'd be doing her a favor not to taint her Holiest-of-Holy self with your disgusting life...