Can't cope with my boyfriend staring or being attracted to other women. Advice?

Question

Can't cope with my boyfriend staring or being attracted to other women. Advice?

I have read on so many web pages that men (who are in relationships) staring at other women or being attracted to other women is completely normal and that any woman who gets annoyed with this is crazy. I have been with my BF for 3 years; we have been living together 2.5 years. We are both 25. At the beginning of our relationship he was besotted with me, I really knew he fancied me so much and had no doubts about him fancying other girls but over time I have noticed this disappear. He says he loves me, and will never cheat etc and he does do a lot for me, but he stares at and flirts with other women inc his ex. He then lies about it and gets caught out which makes me even more suspicious (as to what else is he hiding). He doesn’t do it all the time but when I say it to him, he denies it or says he is just being nice, or he does it for no reason! We fight a lot about this. I cannot accept that he says he loves me and I am the one he is with not another girl but….it is normal for him to be attracted to other women! I do get a lot of attention from other men and I am pretty successful but it really hurts me and makes me feel so unattractive and ugly + stresses me out so much. I want to get married soon but he says he is not ready + he can’t get married when we fight this much. I know a lot of people will say that it's is normal for men to stare and find other women attractive, but if that is the case I really don’t know if I can be with any man. I just can’t cope with it. I am so confused, I really love my BF and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I am only 25, I just think if he is staring and flirting now what will he be like when I am 35 married with two kids?? I don’t know whether I should just leave him or put up with it even though it’s driving me insane! Any advice

Answer 1

No it's not normal, I don't care where you read it but it isn't. It's disrespectful to you. You have to remember that what you are comfortable with in a relationship is all that matters, not what anybody else says or whatever else you read etc. You just have to tell him that he is disrespecting you and it has to stop. Also a hint for you, when you move in with a guy, don't expect him to ever be in a hurry to get married - after all, why should he, he already has what he wants..... and whatever you do, don't be whiney and clingy, be strong and calm when you speak with him. Best of luck.

Answer 2

it is natural for a man to be attracted to women they see. just as you probably can't help noticing a hot, muscular&s**y guy that smiles at you (well, i know i can't). don't let it get to you so much.

if you truly believe he loves you, you shouldn't worry about it. he's just havin fun, is all. tell him how it makes you feel, but try not to take it too seriously.

don't fight with him because  of it. you can't make him stop, the only thing you can accomplice is to make him feel like what he's doin is forbidden and therefor make him want to do it more.

as for marriage, don't push it. try not to fight so much, and see if you can come to terms with his behaviour. if you can't, stop torturing both yourself and your bf and end it. if you can, then think about marriage.

try not to put pressure on him. if you keep telling him you want to marry him, that just makes you too avalible and therefore boring. never let him own you. play it smart, give him time. let him come to you.

hope i helped ;-)

xoxo

Answer 3

I think it's natural to notice other attractive people. But how he responds to them is the issue. He may see a pretty girl and look at her and it will register in his brain that she is a pretty girl and that's it. And that is natural and normal. But if he's flirting with other girls knowing that it hurts you and lying about it...that's like he's acting on the attraction. A guy can notice other pretty girls without flirting with them. To me, flirting with them when he knows how it makes you feel is disrespectful to you. Some people don't mind their partner flirting, but some do, and each relationship's boundaries are set by the people in it. So if it hurts you and he knows it, it is wrong. And to lie about it is even more disrespectful to you and your relationship. (And shows that he can't be trusted to be completely honest with you.) The fact that this is bothering you and causing you such anxiety shows that his behavior is beyond your comfort level and that you don't trust him not to hurt you. And if you can't trust that he wont hurt you, why dive even deeper into the relationship and put yourself even more at his mercy by marrying him? Maybe this is who he is and he will never change. Could you spend the rest of your life dealing with your anxiety and pain over this? If you don't yet know if he's completely trustworthy, it's best to wait for marriage until you are at a point in your relationship where you know beyond anything that he would never hurt you, because he loves you too much. If he sees how this hurts you and won't change it (and lies about it!) then he is definitely not worthy of marrying you and being your partner in life. You need a partner that respects and loves you more than that.

Answer 4

If it's really making you crazy but you can't stand to leave him (cause you love him), talk to him. If you can live without him, just drop him and move on!  

Answer 5

Get use to it i have been with my husband for 14 years and trust me he still looks and there isn't a thing you can do about it...

Answer 6

His indifference to your feelings is not something that you should feel you have to put up with.  

Noticing other women is entirely acceptable for a single guy, never for one in a relationship.  I've witnessed both women and men do it whom I knew were already in relationships.  My advice is to get rid of him asap.  All men do NOT look at other women.  When I'm in a relationship, I never do, and I certainly don't think its right for my gf to be looking at other guys.  Dump him and don't look back.  While it may hurt now, you will save yourself considerable pain from what he WILL do to you in the future.  Good luck.

Answer 7

Do you have any reason not to trust him? If he doesn't have a history of cheating then I wouldn't worry about it so much. Tell him how much it bothers you and hurts your feelings and he might make an effort to stop. Every guy I've ever been with has looked at other women. Yeah, its annoying, but its just a part of how they work. Learn to let it go.  

Answer 8

im kinda dealing with the same thing.  my boyfriend of 4 years does have a wondering eye.  he really doesnt flirt with other girls, but it really does bother me that he looks at other women.  he says the same thing "im a guy, i cant help it".  but i dont buy it.  it has to do with respect.  if he or your boyfriend has any respect for us, then they wouldnt keep looking at other women knowing that it bothers us as much as it does.  i try to explain to my bf and ask him, how would he feel it the tables were turned and i was the one who was constantly looking at other guys.  it wouldnt make him feel too good.  so try explaining to him that if he wants to look, youre gonna look too.  see if that does anything.  but i would definatly put a stop to the flirting. especially with an ex.  that is just going too far.

good luck.

Answer 9

DUMP HIM

Answer 10

Get away from this guy, he's obviously not doing you any good.  If your unhappy in this relationship you should get out of it.  Stick up for yourself girl!

Answer 11

It sounds like you really care about your boyfriend, but you need to ask yourself is his behavior something you can put up with. First of all you need to confront him, let him know that his behavior is making you feel uncomfortable. If he does not stop then it shows that he is not really concerned about your feelings---good luck marriage is hard enough take it from someone who knows ;0)

Answer 12

Sorry but all men are that way... If you really love him I guess you'll have to deal.

And when you bring it up, it embarrasses him that's why he doesn't admit it and the fear of you get even more mad.

Answer 13

I too would feel awful if my boyfriend did that to me, but I think that you're the only one who can answer this question for you. Don't listen to what other people tell you to do.

Does his behaviour make you unhappy and miserable? Have you asked him to stop, and he hasn't? If your answer is yes to both questions, then you have to decide if you love him enough to put up with what he does. Do you love him more, or love you more?

I do think that there are men out there who will respect you and love you enough not to stare at other women in your face, and much less flirt with them.  

Answer 14

Not completely normal... he wouldn't be my guy, he'd be single.  Don't take this from him, and let him know it hurts, it's not ok and he can find another girl.

Answer 15

It seems like he is not ready for the marriage commitment, stop talking about marriage and start giving him a little space and take sometime to yourself after you have grown attached to someone its hard to remember what you did before they came alone

Answer 16

It's all in your head. Nothing wrong with flirting or looking. People find other people attractive & no one or nothing will EVER change that.

You sound like you would like to stick a leash on him. You need to get over you insecuritys.

Answer 17

NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT IT, WHEN YOU HAVE A WOMAN. KICK HIM TO THE CURB ASAP!! DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS!!

Answer 18

I think it happens a lot. My dad was always looking at other women and it used to really bother me as it was hurtful to my mum, she siad she didn't mind but I think she did. it isn't really a big deal but it is hurtful. My boyfriend doesn't ever chat up other girls or gawp at them and I find it helps me to feel better in the relationships I mean I know he must find other women attractive but I don't want my face rubbed in it!

Answer 19

honey, i gave my husband the 10 SECONDS STARE! He had 10 seconds to look at another woman and then he better stop! haha.

men will look; now, when they won't stop looking, that's called DISRESPECT.

I watched my husband one day follow a girl crossing the street until she went to the OTHER SIDE. he never even noticed that i was watching him the whole time! haha

Answer 20

I think you need to talk to him. It dosnt matter so much if hes looking at other girls. If he flirts with them, and denies it, that's a bad thing.

If u want, look at guys!

see what he says and then if he feels the same then u can talk about it. :D

(without fighting)

Answer 21

Wow, you're the reason men stay single and bang strippers.

Stop being a total head case.

Answer 22

Relax. If he's coming home with you and is still affectionate, loving, and concerned about you... keep him. All guys chat, flirt, and stare. Its normal. We all do it. My wife (ex and not for this reason) used to make a game of catching each other staring.....winner recieved various " favors". It was fun.  

Answer 23

There is something missing for him being with you. Ask him what it is so it can be put back into the relationship. Won't totally stop him from peeking now and then but you will be more grounded and less affected when you know. Until married  the back door isn't totally closed. Meaning he is only 99% with you. The 1% is the out.