Can't decide between abortion or baby.....?

Question

Okay so I am 8 weeks pregnant and no longer with the father. He has made it clear that he wants me to have the baby regardless. Part of me wants the baby, usually when we are getting along I feel excited about it. But then he will do something to totally hurt me all over again and then I think, do i really want to have this guys baby? And the answer is no. Then he'll say the right thing to get back in my good books only to hurt me again and again, its a vicious cycle and I feel the only way to break the cycle is to have an abortion and never allow him back in my life. I'm not religious so that doesn't matter and i have always been pro choice. My problem is I don't know how to make this decision without letting my hate for him cloud my judgement. If I had an abortion he would probably make my life h**l, but if I have the baby he will always be in our lives, thus making it h**l too. I'm really torn and need some advice, and please only answer if you have a pro-choice outlook on abortion.

Answer 1

I think you should just get him out of the picture and see what you really want. Dont let your decision be based around him. And if you do have an abortion its not as bad as all the people on here make it seem. Good luck with making your decision:)

Answer 2

Sounds like you just need to do what's right for you at the moment and if you choose to abort then don't wait and don't use it as a means of birth controll.  Do what you have to do.  What YOU feel is right.  If you feel that you guys have a chance than keep that precious baby and if he acts up...Do you have support from friends and family?  Just take care of your baby and put his a$s on childsupport and wait for a real man!  Be strong!

Answer 3

Dont Abort No reason

my parents were going through the same thing.

But they still fight.

Look after the babys born get full custody

and tell him you dont want to be with him

and say if he looks for you.

youll get a restraining order

and when he talks to you think to yourself

hes just lieing there all the same

my aunt had to tell my mom that to get her thinking straight.

I understand you.

Because you want the baby but then you think about the dad. You shouldnt confuse him with the baby.

Dont place the baby in the enviroment

of unstable ness because it does mess you up.

Answer 4

baby  not   abortion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Answer 5

You really need to think what you want its a very hard decision and one you will live with for the rest of your life if your thinking of having an abortion every time he is nasty you are doing it for the wrong reason make an appointment with your gp to see about speaking to a counsellor i wouldn't rush into anything yet until you speak to somebody good luck . xxxx

Answer 6

well i think only you can decide this and u have to live with that choice forever. you also have to remember when u have unprotected s*x that it makes babies and if ur not ready for that you shouldnt not use a condom the baby didnt ask to be here its not its fault so remember that . it hasnt got to live its life . u may not want to have this guys baby and u can have him out of the picture but u have to remember this isnt just his child its ur child too  

Answer 7

I don't think you should judge whether you want the baby or not based on whether you like the dad at that moment or not. You said yourself, your fickle with your feelings toward him.

You're focusing too much on your feelings toward him while trying to make your decision. Take him completely out of the picture - as if you created this baby yourself - and then think about what you want to do.

After making your decision based on that, then you can decide how to go about living with him in your life or "making it h**l" - basically how he'll fit in the picture.

To say "Well, I really don't like him today. He made me mad. I'm getting an abortion!" is really immature and stupid - I don't care what thoughts you have on abortion that is NOT the way to make that decision.  

Answer 8

I know this cannot be an easy time for you, but another thing to think about is if you believe that having a baby would bring joy to your life, whether the father is around or not. While it is a HUGE responsibility, becoming a parent just might make you happier than you ever have been.

Answer 9

I don't think you should have an abortion. Think about it... that baby is just as much your baby as it is his. If he is being a total jerk, kick him to the curb. You don't need to be stressed out while your pregnant. Just have a relationship where you are both in the child's life but not together. But, that's just my opinion. Do what your heart tells you is right. Good luck :)

Answer 10

you are no longer with the father, so how can he make your life h**l if you have an abortion....?

and if you keep the child, yes, i can agree, he will make your life h**l...

if your judgment is being clouded maybe you need to seek independent advice from a councilor and also involve a closed loved one....i mean blood - family etc -

it seems to be a very emotional tim you are going through and a bit of distance from this guy you are with or not with may help.

Answer 11

I think you need to decide this without his influence.  I think you need to talk to your Mom for her outlook and maybe some other trusted people that are older that can give you some guidance.  Having an abortion is permanent.  There are ways you can have the baby and not include him like court and custody.  The fact that you're letting him have the control on your emotions in the pregnancy is a sign that you're very hormonal and that you don't really know what to do.  He sounds like an *** and dumping him would be a good start.  I would REALLY think about having an abortion WITHOUT having him in your life for a few weeks just to make sure it's what YOU really want.  If you do go with an abortion, make sure you read up about your baby before you go to know what he/she is doing right now.  As well make sure you research abortion and the kind they will be giving you.  Make sure you know what to expect and that you have a support person that will be with you there before, during and after the procedure and make sure you get some grief counselling after and some counselling for yourself because of this guy and how emotional you are about the whole thing.  If you have ANY doubts about abortion, don't do it, you'll regret it.  Just remember it's a personal choice that can only be made by you and even if I don't agree with your choice or abortion on any level, you have to do what will be right for you in the end, no matter what anyone says.  Abortion is a permanent end though, so make sure you can live with your choice.

Answer 12

well personaly, im against abortion, i think people should take responsibility for their actions, and that every child desrerves a chance at life, however, i know that there will always be abortion and its not my decision to make, so instead of asking people on the internet for advice, go see a therapist. just make one appointment to talk it over with a PROFFESIONAL who can help you make the right decision for YOU

Answer 13

Take the father out of the equation. Do you want the baby? There's your answer. Do not decide based o this wishy washy feeling thing. If you have the baby then you can make some rules as to how you and he interact.

Answer 14

i am with the father of my baby so i know i propably have no right to talk but even though we are together there are days when he really can hurt me and i wish to myself that he wasn't the father. and like yourself we make up. and we always end up fighting again.

truthfully go with what your heart tells you to do. at the end of the day it is your choice, its your body not his and if you don't truly think he will be a good father or treat you with respect then don't have the baby

i hope you figure out what to do.

good luck x

Answer 15

This is something that you really really need to think about. It's a little life inside of you that is growing right now. You need to use your head for this one and think of what you could live with and seriously ask yourself that question. Could you live with aborting a baby? Also think of what life would be like if you kept it. Don't let another guys judgment cloud your decision making, because it obviously seems like he's a guy that will play games with your head either way.

Good luck.

Answer 16

I would keep the baby.

Answer 17

Your situation is not the baby's fault. It sounds like you are too immature to care for a baby if you are making this decision based on how you feel about it's dad. Please have this baby and place it for adoption so someone who WANTS him or her can care for them.

Answer 18

Put it like this if u think u are ready to have a baby n u think u can give it a happy life then go ahead.I personally dnt believe in abortion, I think that it is a sin.If i was in ur position n i couldnt handle it then i would give it to a fortunate family who could take care of it.But if u want to keep it thats good too,it would give u alot of responsibility n babies arent as bad.lol.so talk to someone u trust n then decide wat u r going to do.If u want to talk to ur baby daddy.well good luck to u.

Answer 19

dont think of it as his baby. this is YOUR baby and you will regret it if you abort it because how the father makes you feel. leave the guy behind and move on with your life and enjoy your miracle :)

Answer 20

Thats a hard one to anser....

      How old are you? I think ask your parents... They always know best.  I think that if i was in your shoes at my age ( 19 ) i would probly get rid of it.  Get my life together... I am pregnant now and i worry everyday about my relationship, not because were not happy or there are signs of us being appart but because i would be scared to raise my first child alone. I'm very happy to be pregnant but if it wasnt my time i would of endded it, we almost did.

If you feel confident you can do this alone and it would be okay with you to have shared custody ( because since he wants you to keep it im guesing he wants to be part of its life) then keep it and best of luck to you!  

Your parents are the best ppl there for you!! ALWAYS!  

Answer 21

I'm not going to tell you not to have an abortion, just like that. However, from what you are saying, your feelings for him seem to be the ONLY reason you are considering abortion, therefore he is clouding your judgment. Think it through, if you don't want the baby, don't have the baby. But by no means have an abortion just because you don't want him in your life. Just because this is his baby too, doesn't mean the baby will be anything like him, and what he does or says to you is not by any means the baby's fault.

Answer 22

You need to make the decision that is the best for you. If you can't stand the guy, get an abortion. If you think you might be able to handle things, then don't. It's not even a baby until it's born; if he is a real psycho, I'd get an abortion before he ruins your life even more, because kids always bring more drama and problems into peoples' lives when the parents can't get along (and they they just bring problems to relationships anyway).

Answer 23

in the state of MI a baby is still considered a baby as soon as the heartbeat is recognizable on the monitors. so i think you should keep it. even if you give it to the father and sign off your rights or whatever. you should have it. it is still a living soul!

Answer 24

I dont think that your hate for the father will cloud your love for your baby. Once you see that baby you will be in love regardless.  You will most likely regret having an abortion and wish to God that you hadnt.  I had an abortion eight years ago and I still think about that baby EVERY DAY.  Once the baby is gone you will never ever get it back and no baby that you may have at a later point will replace it.  

Answer 25

Well, it sounds like you are recognizing the thing growing in you as a baby. Since you have already recognized it as a human, I think you should give it human rights- first of those rights being life...

Now, don't forget about your third option: adoption. I had a good friend that went through a messy relationship and didn't want to bring a child into the middle of a horrible mess. However, she knew that there are families that are on waiting lists for YEARS just to have a baby. She ended up giving her daughter to a loving family and although it wasn't easy, she knew that she was able to bless a family with a beautiful baby, and bless the baby with a wonderful family. Consider it!

Answer 26

First, only you can make a final decision on this.  You have to be firm about your choice too because either way there's no going back.  And you should decide soon.  You are correct, once you have a baby with a man he will ALWAYS be a part of both of your lives, he will forevermore be this child's father.  So you have to look closely at your heart and pick how you want things to go from here.  Plus if you decide to have the abortion and then get back together with this guy (which it sounds like you probably shouldn't do IMO) you could wind up pregnant again and back in this same position.  Good luck.

Answer 27

Do not let your feelings for the father intertwine with your feelings for the baby. This baby is apart of you. He may always be in your life if you choose to let the baby live, but you will have a little girl or boy which would make it worth anything..

Answer 28

It really just sounds like you are using the baby against him and you know killing it would hurt him. If you don't want to take care of the baby then have it and give it to him and terminate your parental rights. Abortion is disgusting and selfish

Answer 29

I think abortion is wrong BUT I think that in this case, you can't let your feelings for the father of your unborn child to cloud your judgement.  I think that you will regret aborting this baby later on because you will always wonder what if I didn't get an abortion.  You don't have to let him be in his child's life if he doesn't want to be.  Just make sure that you don't fall for him again,especially if you know how he will treat you.  Don't take your feelings out on the baby because it will be the best decision you make if you keep the baby.  I hope you keep it because you will be so glad you did!!  Best of luck.

Answer 30

It sounds like you should sign over your rights once the baby is born! Since you are that immature to only want the baby when you are happy with him then kill it because HE made you mad! He and the baby are two different cases all together! You are not having this guys baby, you are having your baby! You really shouldn't take it out on the baby because of what it's father did or didn't do! Since, you seem immature I guess it isn't going to help to preach to you but you had choices in creating this child and you need to take care of your responsibilities and not throw them in the trash! Why don't you tell him to leave you alone and quit playing his games!?

Answer 31

You need to make this decision based on what is best for you and the baby. Are you in a position to raise a child alone? Do you feel emotionally ready to be a single mother? Are you financially able to support a child in the way that you would want to? Are you at a point in your life when this is the right thing for you or do you still have a lot you want to do before having a child?. Either way, you have to get this guy out of your life. If you want to have the baby, you should have it and explain to him that you don't want to be with him, but if you don't want to have the baby, then don't. You don't have to answer to him. Just make sure that whatever you do is right for you, not for anyone else.