Can't decide - for love or for happiness and easy going?

Question

I am in love and confused. Six months ago I was engaged to a guy I had been seeing for 4 years. I moved to even be near him. We are both 40 and I was ready to settle down. This only filled him with anxiety. From the moment he gave me the ring it went down hill and fast and we broke up. I start dating someone I have known all my life and he has many great qualities, funny, easy going, affectionate just to name a few. My X was difficult, moody, and selfish. The guy I am with now proposed and we are engaged. Problem is my heart is still with my X who recently confessed his love to me, said he had been a jerk and that he would be more affectionate and do anything to have another chance to prove it. He asked me to marry him as well. So now I am torn. I still love him very much, but I am afraid of him going back to his old ways. I can't get him out of my head and I know if I don't give him another chance, I will always wonder what could have been. And if I do, I could lose a really great guy.

Answer 1

This may sound rude but you need to figure yourself out!

You made a commitment of sorts to your current boyfriend and you  are still in love with your ex.

I believe in things happen for a reason and I trust in the heart.  

Either you are IN love with your bf or you're not.

Answer 2

Aaaaa! I hate things like that!

All you can do is step back a bit and try to get yourself some more time, but don't tell the guys because they'll feel uncomfortable no matter what you do. I mean, How would you feel if a guy pulled that with you?

In any case, don't marry anyone you don't love, you won't be happy and they have a right to give their love to someone who really loves them and isn't just faking it.

Answer 3

This is a personal decision. Ask yourself about stability. Sometimes we choose someone because we're infatuated with them and they aren't the right person. My husband isn't gorgeous, or rich, but he a nice stable man when he wants to be.  

Answer 4

dont see anyone for 6 months to a year and tell the all, then see how you feel...The person who hasnt dated anyone in that time and still wants you is the one that loves you.

Answer 5

Are you in love with him, which guy will be there to take care of you if you get terminally ill. Which guy knows you best, to the point they could finish your sentence. For me it was which guy could answere the question. Why do you love me? I didnt know the answere until i heard it. There is love and what i believe true love. Listen to your heart, and remember people dont change.

Answer 6

Well, I'd go with Batchelor #2 because you've known him all your life and you're happy and comfortable with him. Besides, Batchelor #1 blew his chance. And you said it yourself that he was difficult, moody and selfish. There you have it...

Answer 7

you are not in a healthy place,you seem to be going with your heart,which i may add is in the wrong place totally.

we always tend to chase after the ones who we know just aren't right at all for us because we are under the delusion it was love.....well wake up and smell the coffee it wasn't!!!!!

he got uncomfortable with you not the other way around.he pushed you away.ask him out right is it because your with this new guy who treats you with respect seems to love you that he's now realizing that wow someone else thinks she's worth a shot maybe i might give it another go,sure if it doesn't work out i can always dump her anyway again.

if you opt for the lesser guy (which he is) ,you will be back to square one again or worse,lonely thinking exactly the same as before. why did i let the funny, easy going, affectionate guy go why?

sorry for being blunt maybe a little heartless,but i think you are being a really foolish girl  

Answer 8

Actually, Trix, I think you CAN decide. The choice is simple. The guy you've known all your life, you're comfortable in the way he's pretty much going to be when he wakes up the next morning: predictable. Your ex is moody, among other things, and well, frankly, seems quite the opposite: unpredictable. Your ex came back to you and declared his undying love, swore that he would change and that everything would be hunky-dory, but you're left a skeptic. That's within good reason. You're listening to your gut but, at the same time, you're trying to ignore it. You're asking for reassurance on YA, because you want as many responses as possible for this validation. Well, Trix, you've got it. Stay with your current man, because the "love", which is really infatuation, will soon die off. Real love is shown, not felt, and the current you are with loves you dearly ~ really loves you and would do anything for you. He loves you just in the simple fact that he respects you and is kind to you. The other is moody and pays attention to HIS feelings rather than yours.

With your ex, I see a divorce looming on the horizon, whereas with your current, I see songbirds, shooting stars, a cupid here and there and a happy ending.

Keep the one you've got.  

Answer 9

stay with the current guy, you don't know if he really changed or not and he might just end up being the same way after you two are together for a little bit and you would've lost the really great guy.  

Answer 10

People are who they are.

Your moody Ex will always be that way. He might change ofr a little while but then he will go back to being his true self.

I would suggest waiting before marrying anyone until you know who both of them really are for real.