Can A BirthMom Get Custody Of Her Birth Child if the Child is adopted?

Question

When I was 18 I gave birth to a girl after a 1-Night Stand, but at the time, the guy I had had the 1 night stand with died and I was about to go into college and was not ready to be a mother at all, so a nice family Colorado adopted her.

3 weeks I recieved a letter from her! She said she was glad to have finally found her birthmom and that she wanted to see me. We've been e-mailing, writing letters and IMing. We've set a date for her to come see me.

I have pictures of her now and she once asked me: "If you could turn back time, would you keep me?" I said I probally would now knowing what a bright, friendly girl she was. Then she asked "If I could, would you want me to live with you." And I said "Of course, I would but I don't think they'd let me." But she really, really wants to live with me and she's only talken to me once on the phone and we haven't met yet.

Can I get a custody lawyer and fight for custody of my daughter or is it a waste of time?

Answer 1

I am wondering how could you do this to your child and those lovely people. shes asking all this cause proably when shes bad she gets diciplined and she figures you wouldn't do this and there are alot of reasons kids will move with their moms that is not fair ot her or them. i can't believe you would undermine this. for her sake i hope that you dont' get her. she gave her away and shes fine. they are nice people to share her with you and i would put your foot down. that is so bad of what you are htinkinga bout doing. would you like someone to do this to you. you had your chance and now you are trying to take her away and ruin her life for a good ways because of your so called feelings now of guilt i may suspect? well i am an adoptee and i say she would be better offr with them and you are  horrible to consider telling her she can life with you. my good ness if you know now what shes like you would take her after somone has beent here for her for 10 years of this mess yes, i guess i would also let someone raise soemone for awhile and then really try to s***w her life up. you need to come clean and tell her about really thr truth. i mean hey this is n't fair to her. nope i wouldn't let you win and i am sorry you fount her its sad you want ot mess her up shes too young to see this i hope theother people have enough to get rid of you sorry.

Answer 2

I think you would need to go to court but do you really want to take a child away from the only parents she's ever known and mess her life up.  Check with your state and see about your options.

Answer 3

In some cases you can.  Do you remember baby Jessica?  There was a big fiasco about that a few years ago.  If shes not happy I say go for it, but you are going to need a really good lawyer and a lot of money.  Legally she belongs to her adopted parents.

Answer 4

You signed all of your parental rights over. She is legally not your daughter. You need to accept that and try to establish a friendship between you and her parents so that you can see her and get to know her, it sounds like they are willing to let that happen.

Answer 5

After nine years, you won't get custody. You can probably get some court ordered visitation rights, but if her parents are letting her visit you anyway, what's the point?

Answer 6

Waste of time an adoption is finale. There is a period that birthparents can get their child back but its not years later, the longest is a few months. The only way you could get her back would be if her parents decided to put her up for adoption, then you’d have to legally adopt her back.  Or if the adoption wasn’t done right.

There is no way in gods green earth that the parents who have raised her for nearly 10 years are going to put her up for adoption.  You wouldn’t get any custody of your birth daughter, you gave that up when she was born and can’t just decide almost 10 years later that you want her back. That is not how adoption works.  Be gratefully that her parents are even allowing you to have contact and visit with her.  From what I gather they didn’t even agree to do an open adoption but are just being kind because they feel it’s what their daughter needs. You have no legally rights to this girl, I doubt you could even get mandatory visitation.  Because you are no longer in any fashion legally ties to this girl. Again be gratefully that her parents are even allowing you contact with her.

I question you wanting her back because she was a friendly bright child, so had she not been you wouldn’t want her.  

Baby Jessica’s situation was completely different. In that case Jessica’s birthmother put her up for adoption with out telling the biological father. During the adoption process the birthmother changed her mind and told the biological father about Jessica. The biological father went to court saying that he had not given up his parental rights to Jessica, which was true.  After a 2 ½ year custody battle they got he got his birth daughter back.  So she wasn’t even 3 years old.  The key thing the Biological father never signed his rights away.  

Your situation is nothing like this you put your daughter up for adoption; you did not reclaim her during  the window of opportunity. As you said your daughters biological father is dead so that’s not even a factor, were he a live and didn’t sign his right away its possible he could have gotten her back but he is deceased.

Answer 7

It really surprises me that you told her you would keep her once you found out she is a "bright friendly girl"  like you gave her up because you didn't think you would like her?

Something is off about this question.

Answer 8

No, once an adoption has been finalized, the adoptive parents are legally seen as the child's parents. You legally have no rights to the child. Infact, it is up to her parents if you are allowed to have contact with her at all until she turns 18. It is likely that if they find that you are wanting costudy of her, and telling her you want her to live with you, then you will not be allowed to be in her life right now.

It's very helpful for adoptees to have a good relationship with their biological parents. It sounds like the parents understand this, and I imagine if you're willing to work with them then they'll let you be part of her life.

Answer 9

Highly unlikely. You gave up your rights and the child is not old enough to decide what is best for herself.

Answer 10

WOW! You're the QUEEN of drama, aren't you??? After reading the questions you've posted over the last 4 months, I'd suggest you cut off ALL communication with the (real or imagined) daughter and straighten out your life... Tell her to contact you when she's 18. You have too much going on in your life (real or imagined) to be able to have any kind of interaction with a 9 year old... And HOW did she find you? lol

Answer 11

I assume when you signed away your daughter, you signed away your parental rights.  There was a period of time where you could have changed your mind easily, but that period is now over.  Does this mean it could not happen? No?

Does it mean it should?  No.

If you love your daughter, you will want to have what is best for her.  If she were being abused in her home, there might be a good reason to take her away; but if the family has raised her as a bright loving young lady then she may not.  You mentioned that the family is nice, perhaps there is a way for you guys to work out a visitation schedule so that you can see each other.  There are always times in every child's life when they think they want to be in another life, but then that creates emotional havoc when they actually get it.  Are you prepared for these things?  

She's about to be a teenager and with it comes lots of emotional upheaval anyway.  Do you want to make it worse on her?  If she weren't a "bright, friendly girl" would this even be a question you were asking?

And, how in the world do you know that she is your daughter?  How did she find you?  Just curious.  Little girls at that age go through such a stage, adopted or not, as a process they go through to find out who they are and that they truly are loved.  I'm glad you're able to let her know that you care for her and would have changed your mind then, but now there is so much at stake emotionally for all involved.

Baby Jessica was a baby and even she experienced some trauma in the change.  I think the other thing that happened is that the family who raised this child in their loving home as their daughter was forever traumatized too.  I know that if this is your daughter, you had rights to her as well...but keep in mind the others that love her now and the life she lives now.  If you do decide to do this, prepare for lots of emotional upheaval and get everyone a psychologist.

Answer 12

No, you have absolutely no legal stance.  In fact, you would do best to notify her parents before you have a face to face meeting.

The baby Jessica situation is not at all like yours. In that case, the father was never listed and was not told of the pregnancy.  HE was the one who sued for custody, not the mother.  This was an important case because it put agencies on notice to be sure they have the right father and that he agrees with the adoption plan.   In your case, the father is already deceased.  In addition, your child is no longer an infant.   Be happy you have communication, but you have no legal standing.

Answer 13

Goodness gracious, are you serious?  You're really going to mess your daughter up.  It's not bad for her to know who you are, but it is VERY bad for you to be trying to be her "mom".  She HAS parents.  They adopted her.  They've raised her.  She is THEIR daughter now, not yours.  It's cruel of you to even contimplate this.

Answer 14

Unless there is a reason why the child wouldn't be save in her current home, then no you don't have a legal right to her anymore.  You only have a certain window of time after you sign away your rights to change your mind, and if she's already this old that has come and gone.  Enjoy your visits with your daughter, when she's 18 she can decide if she wants to come and live with you permanently, by then she'll be an adult.  Don't pressure the issue because she might feel like she's betraying her other family if she wants to come be with you, and then she'll be torn.

Answer 15

Sorry, you have no right to sue for custody. your daughter had been legally adopted till she is 18 years old. then only is she aloud to make her own choice. a custody like this could cost a lot of money to try and revoke before due date. you have given up your daughter legally....wait and see...and please as much as you want to change things...what about the people that has adopted her when you could not take care of her! speak to them regarding the feelings of their "daughter" i have an adopted daughter, she is now nine. her biological mother somehow "traced" us  and is now demanding to see MY daughter. sorry I cannot allow this. I have made a promise to protect and to love her for all my and her life! I have won! so please take care of your emotions and do not allow your now found daughter to play two families at once. maybe she has issues and needs to deal with it! treat it accordingly...remember you did give her away!

Answer 16

OK.  I don't care how many thumbs down I get!!

I think you are a terrible person!  You gave up a child because you felt that you couldn't take care of her.  At the time, you probably couldn't based on the write up in your question.

Now, after the hard work of giving that little girl all that she needed during her formative years, you decide that you want her?

Not only should the adoptive parents keep her as far away from you as possible, they should also require any communication to go through them.  You should not be communicating directly with her!  Would you allow your ten year old daughter to IM with a stranger without your knowledge?  

Fortunately, you have absolutely no legal recourse in this case.  The adoptive parents are in no way obligated to allow her to see or communicate with you.  

Unfortunately, you have probably already caused irreparable damage to that little girl that you claim to now care about.  If nothing else, her relationship with her adoptive parents could be seriously damaged.

I support adoptive children getting in touch with their birth parents.  However, in your case, that may be damaging because you seem to have a motive that is not for the good of the child.

Please, please, please reconsider your course of action.