Can I Find a Man That Will Wait To Have s*x With Me Til Marriage? PLEASE HELP!!?

Question

I am 20 years old. As a result of a rape, I have genital herpes and HPV. I am very depressed about it. I want to wait to have s*x again until marriage. However, is that realisitic these days? Are their any men out there that would be willing to wait? I don't want them necessarily to be virgins, just willing to marry me before I have s*x.

There is a man that I like. We just started seeing eachother and he is talking about a potential future relationship. However, he keeps asking about s*x and how I like s*x. What should I say to him? Should I just explain that I don't want to have s*x before marriage so he can find another gf if he is not OK with that?

Also, do you think my future husband will break things off when he finds out I had genital herpes. I was planning on telling him after we get engaged. In the perfect world I would tell every guy on the first date just in case it went far, but I know I couldn't trust them to keep it a secret. So far no one knows about this except my doctor and my therapist.

What do I do? Is there a man out there that would be willing to wait for me? My dream is to have a husband and children some day. Can I still have my dream even though I have genital herpes and HPV? I will mention that I was never diagnosed with herpes, I just have the symptoms. I had 1 outbreak.

Please help me.

Answer 1

Yes there are guys out there who are willing to wait. Yes it is also hard to find a guy who will wait. But if your honest with them and tell them your not going to until after your married then, you will know if they really love you for you.  

As far as the std, I don't think you should tell them on your first date but then I would not advise to wait until after you got engaged either. I think as the relationship progresses then judge the timing and tell him. That is not something you want to spring unto your fiance who thinks they know so much about you, he will feel betrayed and lied to.

There is a guy out there for you but it may just take time.

Answer 2

It is realistic, I had a friend who did not get married until recently and he is 31 years old. He waited until he got married to have s*x. You can find a man that will wait. If you find someone that loves you for you then yes he will understand and wait till you are ready.

Answer 3

im sure there is somewhere and if the person loves you they will understand the STDs

Answer 4

u should inform your future partner about all your sexually transmitted diseases. or he might sue u and he will be right.  

Answer 5

It is fine to ask a guy to wait.  For the right woman I would wait.  However, if you refuse to be open and have a good discussion about the reasons why, that is setting a very bad precedent.  It is saying you refuse to communicate about the things that need to be communicated the most.

You are correct that STDs are not a first-date topic, unless you're the kind that bonks on the first date (which I know you're not).  First dates are the time to get the know the good side of each other and you don't need to be telling *that* many people about this issue.

However, STDs (and rape) are a serious subject and it needs to be brought up.  Your first real serious conversation about s*x would be a good time, if not earlier.  Waiting until engagement is a cop-out solution and setting yourself up for drama that could really bite you.  What if it *is* a dealbreaker for him?  Wouldn't it be better to find out now?

A bit of context --

My 1st love informed me she had a pap smear that came back positive.  Now I have to assume I carry HPV.  She said she would understand if I broke up with her and I thoroughly disagreed.  How could I be pissed at her for something she didn't know and couldn't control?  Also, I would never break up with somebody I love for having a relatively innocuous STD like HPV, and I understand herpes isn't the end of the world either.  For the ones you love, you just deal with it.  Really researching this stuff and knowing what you're talking about (as opposed to "I have STDs, OMG") can overcome a lot of the fear and stigmas attached to these infections.  Get yourself checked for that herpes and other STDs btw -- you owe it to yourself to find out what you picked up from that f*cker and in this case ignorance is not bliss.

But I would have flipped out, and possibly dumped her, if I found out she had hidden it from me.  Especially if we had had s*x in the meantime (definite dump).  Waiting to tell me would have been dishonest.  Waiting until engagement is serious entrapment.  If I was finding out all kinds of interesting and horrible things after the engagement, first of all the engagement would be on the rocks due to the hiding, second, I would be wondering what else you were hiding.  And there goes the trust right out the window ... have I made the point?  Seriously, do not wait until the engagement.

Good luck.

P.S. is the whole reason you want to wait until marriage based on this fear of talking about your infections?  Some guys are willing to take the risk (playing safe of course).  Or are you worried that you might pick up more infections from a guy who cheats on you/isn't the one for you?  If you trust him, you can both get checked for STDs to better figure out the degree of risk.  It sounds like you've already made your decision about the "having s*x" bit though, which I also respect, and again, good luck.

Answer 6

sweet heart i am sorry to hear you got raped dam any man who would  do that to a woman i am 27 and i am waiting for marriage b4 i have s*x with a girl yeah Thair are guys out Thair who still believe in no s*x tell marriage like me sweet heart and yeah i would wait for you sweet heart lets be friends ok  

Answer 7

That is very unfair to allow someone to fall in love with you and THEN tell them that you have contagious VD. That's a trick. You think the only way you can get a man is to trick him? There are plenty of dating sites so that you can find someone that has the same std's you do and you won't have to trick them or wait to have s*x. Don't be that selfish, really, that is sooooo malicious.

Answer 8

If you look for a guy a church or some type of church function its very likely you could find someone that will wait untill marrage.

if you dont go to church just meet guys however you would

and if the relationship gets serious tell them and if they stay with you

hes a good man that will respect your desicion if he doesnt

then not the case.

and about the herpes thing you can just tell them when you decide to

and tell them that if you get married and he gets it it wont be problem

because you will be together forever and you will both have it

no biggie.

answer mine please.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 9

There are 3 billion men out there, you will find your pair.

Keep working on your self esteem, it will help you with all your fears.

Good luck!

Answer 10

i think you shouljdnt keep your secret to yourself anymore....

i cant say i know how you feel  about your past ..but i can give some advice if it was me...this guy your seeing if it does end up becoming a good relationship and hes not an a*****e tht will go on just a couple of dates with ya for s*x..than you wont be able to trust him with such a big secret...but if youve spent alot of conversations with him...and have shared a lot of personal things with him..best thing is to be honest....

and as far as letting you future husband know of your herpes after your engagement..DONT DO THT!!!!....he may think you have more secrets and maybe it'll even end up ruining the engagement....hope i helped!

Answer 11

I am sorry for your situation, but how can I say this without sounding harsh?  

"I want to pretend I have morals, but want to keep the truth from the man I plan on marrying until he has made a commitment?"

If ANY woman kept a secret like this from me after I made a sacrifice of pre-marital celibacy, then waited until I gave her a ring, I would dump her like a bag of trash.

With HPV, you can get married, you can have a normal s*x life, you can have children.

You need to be fair and honest with potential partners and be prepared to deal with the consequences.

Not everyone will be understanding, so prepare yourself.

Answer 12

I have never answered in this section before but this question came up as I opened Y/A and it caught my attention.  I know this is not the answer you are looking for but it is an honest answer, one which I feel you should hear.  Remember there are guys out there who will not think the same way I do.  First how fair would it be to have a guy wait months/years to fall far enough in love to ask you to marry him and then have it sprung on him that in order to have s*x with you he will have to risk contracting herpes.  No way would it be worth it if you ask me, but I would not have hung around that long.  I personally would move on after a few sexless dates, but I admit to being a jerk and always expecting to get my way.  I see no reason to change my ways.  I would never knowingly have s*x with anyone with a STD, even with protection there is a chance and why risk it.  I feel for you, it sucks and I know it is not fair.  On a more positive note I am sure there is a guy out there who would be willing to fulfill your dream, good luck.

Answer 13

Of course theres a man out there that's just perfect for you. Don't settle for less! If the man loves you he will respect you and totally understand when you tell him about your past. Wait for the right man! Don't lower your standards, like too many girls do!

Answer 14

Go see a docor and get confirmation. assuming that stuff is not good. and idk.... that would surely turn me off, sorry, truth.  

Answer 15

very unlikely

Answer 16

i think i should tell him about your problem if he loves u like u said then heir woild be no problem......... cause if i was that guy i would accept u cause i love u do u undersatnd

Answer 17

Hey there. best advice about this is BE HONEST. When he asks explain to him what happened and that you really have to wait until you are married . You don't have to tell him everything  that can come later one let down at a time if you know what I mean. And also you have to draw a line between no s*x and some s*x as he may be happy with some intimacy and other types of sexual contact without actual intercourse.

Its your decision and your body so you set the rules  but remember if is no then tell him why and how totally devastated you were and thats why you want to wait.

good luck the right one will come along  just have to wait awhile

Answer 18

tell him,

if he wants Forever, and is really interested in you, he will wait, and understand,

Great guys are out there.

Bars and chatrooms arent where you go to meet them !

try a Christian singles group. or church social.

Im not making fun of you, there are great guys out there

Answer 19

tell him you have hiv/genital warts. he wont want s*x with you after that. good luck finding a chaste husband, and hopefully you can adopt a child in need

Answer 20

You want have s*x until marriage , basically in 0.05% to find a guy like that now a days. i have been meet countless of man,(really countless) they all come to me, and they want s*x more than want love. but i told them honestly 'NO'. some still friend, some dun where they got.

Answer 21

Well, first let me say I am sorry for your lost of your virginity in such a way. Hopefully, you will find Prince Charming and he will sweep you off your feet with no troubles. Pray for the Lord to send you someone who will take and love you as you are. It is possible. He is able. I am a virgin as well, like you and I am waiting on my boyfriend (who is also a virgin) so, yes those type of men still exist. Wait on Him. He is somewhere waiting on you. And this other guy....don't allow him to pressure you into anything. Do not have s*x with him. If that is all he talks about then he is not worth it. He only wants one thing. Drop him, get a relationship with the man upstairs, and wait on your very own "Mr. Right", have faith.

Faith- believing without seeing.... will you trust him?

I did.  

Answer 22

i dont know about finding alot of guys that would wait to have s*x till you are married but i would and i can relate to the being raped i was myself as a kid and the herpes doesnt matter to me and im 19 i dont know does that help