Can I Get the Letters Mom Left in my Adoption File?

Question

I recently found my first mother who was thrilled to hear from me.

I have been looking for her since I turned 18 and she has also been pushing from the other side without success.

Mom says she left letters and contact information for me with the people that handled the adoption over the years for me to have in case I ever came looking. They never gave them to me when I inquired.

There you have it. We are two consenting adults attempting to make contact with each other and someone totally unrelated to us is standing in our way. Nobody ever directed her to any reunion registry, they just demeaned her and told her to go away. I got the same treatment from my side.

Is there any recourse against them for this?

Answer 1

I find this interesting!! I'm adopted and I contacted the agency & I got a generic letter stating vaguely how old she was & that I had brothers & sisters.  I never thought that the situation you talk about could happen.  You could try & sue them but think about this.  This whole reunion deal is fairly new.  Just thank God that you & she WERE eventually able to connect.  Think about people like me who have absolutely no idea who gave birth to us & very little chance of every meeting the woman or our brothers & sisters.  Let go of the bitterness.  If you have the money try & file a suit.  

Look at it this way.  The agency is still just an office.  Papers get misplaced and maybe the agency never had any sort of division that handled reunions.  I do think that once people turn 18 they should be given all of the identifying information!  It's only the right thing to do.  Let go of the bitterness and realize how lucky you are.

Answer 2

I would talk to a Lawyer because these things should'nt be happening.  And yes you should be able to retrive those letters from your Mom.

Answer 3

Something "goofy" is going on with the adoption "agency" .. contact a lawyer and  get his opinion.  He will know how to advise you.  there are plenty of "adoption specialists" listed in the yellow pages under attorney's . Use some pressure.. don't quit until you get what is lawfully yours.  good luck!

Answer 4

Oh Heather - I've heard this too many times.

I'm so sorry that complete strangers decided that it was in both your best interests to place a huge brick wall between you both. It stinks.

Karma will get them - I'm sure!

It should be a crime.

So many years wasted. Thank goodness you've finally found one another.

Most adoptive agencies - as they stand - totally suck.

Adoption laws - as they stand - totally suck.

They are not in the best interests of adoptees - or their bio families.

They are purely to protect the adoption agencies and their clients - the adoptive parents.

Adoptees are just the product - and the bio fam are just the producer. (no power - no second thought)

We don't rate - neither of us.

These people should be made to pay.

But I bet they'll get away with it - just like so many times before.

*cry*

Answer 5

Unfortunately you and your mom are in a "he said, she said" situation.  Unless your mom has something IN WRITING from someone at the agency saying that they will put the letters in your file, there isn't much you can do.  I know you have some choice communications from DSS.  

There is, of course, the court of public opinion.  If you and your mom are willing to tell the story in public or to NYS legislators or to Peter Carucci - GO FOR IT!  You know people who can introduce you to reporters for NY newspapers who would love this story.  

What do you want out of this?  Punish the wicked?  Open records?