Can I afford to leave him?

Question

I've been married almost 21 years. I have 2 children, 10 and 7. My husband has had quadruple bypass, a stroke, back surgery, ankle surgery and elbow surgery. He quit smoking for a couple years after heart surgery but started again. He's very overweight and, though he talks about needing to lose weight he doesn't exercise or watch what he eats. I've told him I want a divorce and he tells me to "get out" but to leave my car b/c his dad paid for it (we filed for bankruptcy a year ago and my car went back to the bank), and not to think I'm taking the kids. We moved to a new state 3 years ago and he is on his 3rd job. Tonight he announced he's taking a job doing what he used to do before we moved. He tells me I can't afford to leave him. So where do I start? Do I move out and file for divorce and pray? I don't want to hurt my kids but he's not going to change and I don't want to be unhappy anymore. I don't have money for a lawyer. I don't even have money for a deposit on an apartment. My only idea has been to ask my family for money. I'd appreciate any advice. I have a decent job but I was a stay at home mom for almost 10 years and it will be a few years before I feel my pay is good enough to support me and my kids. I have great benefits and love my job and I'm making good friends here. I also worry that he will move back home to be near his family. Please help! I'm desperate for answers. I plan to talk to a counselor. I can't do this alone anymore. Thank you!

Answer 1

A woman's shelter will help you search one in your state by using yahoo or google!

You get child support and prove you were a house wife you will get alimony!  

Answer 2

Sorry, but your quality of life is guaranteed to plummet.  If you are willing to give up the comforts of home for the peace you would have, then maybe you should think about it.  BUT it is very hard to make it on your own, and I know all about it.  Make sure you make an informed decision or you could be trading your current h**l for a whole different kind of h**l.  He sounds like he will kick it any day.  With his attitude, he will be ugly in court and try to hurt you through the kids, even trying to take them.  Find a friend to support you through this, you're going to need it.  My ex made my life a living h**l during the divorce.  What you do have right now is access to your kids 24/7.  In a divorce you may get 2/3 or 3/4 of their time, that is tough.

Answer 3

Whose name is the car in? I would take it anyway, it will take him a while to get it back. Even if he calls the police I think if you rationally explained the situation to them the worst that would happen is they would make you give it back.

I think you should definitely leave him. Your best bet would be a woman's shelter. You deserve to be happy. Keep your job, your car and your kids. I don't know him but it sounds like he would be a procrastinator....would he really jump on filing papers to get the kids...? He will also HAVE to pay child support and (in TX) spousal support. My husband makes a good salary but we really couldn't afford a divorce either. Most regular ppl spend everything they make. So if you make less you will have to spend less. But you can do it. take the first step and go to a shelter. See what they can do to help you. Good luck. Email if you need to talk!

Answer 4

1st of all he can't tell you what you can and can't take without a court order.That goes for the kids to,until a court tells you he has full custody and you have visitation you can take the kids, but you have to let him see them.I suggest get help from welfare the will help you get a apartment etc that you can afford with your income.But don't let him tell what you can and can not have until you go to court.

Answer 5

If you don't love him then leave. He is killing himselves why do you want your kids to see that. You can take your kids because he can't take care of himself so he cant take care of 3 kids. Leave the car, it's his. Honestly, anyone can make it if you want to. People work 3 jobs just to make it....

If your credit is ok, take out a loan or borrow some money from your family. I know you like your job but if it's not paying the bills move on! At the rate he is going he wont be alive because he is eating himself dead so what if he was to die and you were still there, then what would you do? Leave while you can and take the kids.

Answer 6

By the sound of things, he'll be dead before too long.  Make sure you see to it that he has a steady supply of cigarettes, bacon and doughnuts.  Just play the game for a year or two.

Answer 7

Can you get him some help? A counsellor or a family psychologist. A man having gone through all of that with his wife by his side, and does not care if she leaves?!  I think he has a deep rooted problem that needs to be addressed. It's not right that you feel so unhappy.  I do believe that you do need someone by your side, but never move closer to his family. it would terrible.

Keep with your job. sounds as though your happy there.  if you do leave, TAKE the KIDS. I feel he may use them and make them unhappy.He seems to be a taker!!!!  I can never advise anyone to leave their partner.  But I can tell you to follow your heart!

Answer 8

I wish you the best and hope you find the support you need to leave your husband; I'm happy you realized he's not going to change and that you aren't going to compromise your happiness for him.

I don't have any more advice for you, but after reading your question, I just wanted to offer you support. Good Luck!