Can I ask the family I used to babysit for all the time why they no longer want me around their daughter?

Question

I'm 19 and used to babysit a 2-year-old girl every weekend, almost all weekend, for about a year. I often watched her a lot during the week, too. The main reason I babysat her was because her father is an alcoholic and "needed" to go out drinking. Because of the child's lack of strong emotional relationships with her parents, she became very attached to me, and I to her. For a year we were inseparable (I also see her 3 days a week at the daycare she attends and I work at, though she's in a different group so I don't work with her). Despite the disfunctionality of the family, I became very close with them too. The mother confided a lot in me and used to consider me a friend. They took me in as if I was family and I would often spend the night even.

3 months ago they suddenly told me they'd no longer need me and when I asked if I could still see the girl occassionally the mother basically said no. She didn't provide a reason for no longer needing me, but did say I did nothing wrong.

Answer 1

maybe there daughter growing attached to you was causing confusion..she might think you are her mummy and that could be stressful for her real mum....

im just guessing here but it could be an option...

Answer 2

Just tell her that you feel like they are family and you don't understand why you still can't be friends.

Answer 3

My first thought is that maybe dad is trying to stay out of bars and be the dad at home, finally, and they really don't need you there.  This is a really personal thing, and hard for them to explain to someone.  You may also be a reminder of the issue they may be trying to put behind them.

Whenever you see them, ask genuinely - not too personally -  how they are doing, and tell them that you miss them.  Don't push, but you can be persistantly kind and caring.  If they tell you it is not about you, you should believe them.  If you were "bad" in their minds, they probably would have told you or someone else, and, I think you would remember what you did.

Just pray for them and keep loving them.  See the daughter on occasion, make sure she is not abused, and leave it at that.  It's hard, but this little family needs to find their own way, and apparently they feel that they need to do it alone now.

Answer 4

It is ok to ask them but, they don't have to answer. Based on what you said i doubt that you offended them. It may not be something they want to discuss. It could be for any # of reasons... lack of money, jealous of relationship you had with the daughter, the dad's alcohol problems may be getting worse. I would let them know that you enjoyed having them as friends as well as your feelings for the little girl  and ask them if there is anything you can do to help them out.

Good luck

Answer 5

You REALLY need to get over this.

Seek professional help.

Dwelling on this for months and months is not healthy for you.

I'm beginning to think that your obsession with this family is why they finally wised up and realized it was unhealthy for all four of you to be so inter-dependent and enmeshed.

Get therapy.

Asking about this same thing, over and over, for months is preventing you from getting at the root of your problems, and moving beyond them.

Leave them alone.

Do NOT contact them.