Can I be a single mother at the age of 19?

Question

I'm 10+ weeks pregnant and unfortunately the father is just not ready for a child. He's 22 and I'm 19 years old. I have a good head on my shoulders and my family backs me up, but I want to be a doctor and still have years of schooling left. He and I were never really an item, this is simply a "vacation gift" if you will. He was my best friend at the time and we went with other friends to Miami for my birthday. Miami heat, a hot dress, and a few drinks later I end up coming home with the worst nausea and no period. He didn't believe me at first but he knew I had never lied to him in our lives and plus my weight gain was significant. He thinks he won't make a good father and when i considered an abortion he seemed relieved. Especially since he got a new girlfriend since the trip. He won't even tell her what's going on.

I'm scared because I have an abortion lined up for this friday, I have not heard from him so I see that he doesn't care, and I'm having second thoughts about getting rid of my little peanut. I have always personally been against abortion, but feel it's a woman's right. I don't know if I can go through with it now.... Is there any way that I can raise my baby on my own and not have to suffer this friday.... or is this too much for me to handle at my age and alone???????????

Advice is greatly appreciated....

Answer 1

your an adult! and you can keep this child! i got pregnant at 19 too. i was worried but my husband loves me a lot that he married me! but he worked out of town a lot in the begining i had to raise my son on my own for a lil while and ya it is hard. i got 3 calls a day from him thats wat kept me strong! but you will make it! you have family to keep you strong remember that!

Answer 2

You can be against it and still do it. If you have the support of your family...go for it. It will not be easy. I have always said that I learned after my first child was born the true meaning of the phrase "it is the hardest job you will ever love"

If you think you will regret it...don't do it.  

Answer 3

I will tell you, it will not be easy...but it can be done, if he doesn't want to be a part of it that's prerogative, you can collect child support.  I'm glad your family is with you on this, I could have never made it without mine, my first daughter was born when I was 19, and now she's a beautiful 15 year old...Another option could be giving the baby up for adoption; there are so many loving couples that can't have children.  They will pay for all costs occurred while you are pegnant-that way you won't feel guilty for ever for having an abortion, I know cause I had one at 21 yr. and I have never forgiven myself... You got alot to think about; I will pray for you God Bless...

Answer 4

Honey, this is really a decision that only you can make for yourself.

It sucks because it's the kind of decision that can't wait too long and has to be made when you are scared and upset and your hormones are running wild. You need to try to think through what is the best choice.  

You know the father does not want a child, So it's down to whether you want to be a mother and if you think you can be a good one even as a single mother. Your life is going to be very different and difficult as a single mother. You really need to think of how you will manage this.

If you feel that this is the wrong time in your life for a child and you would not be a good mother and you don't want adoption then an abortion is the right choice for you and don't let anyone tell you different and try to make you feel guilty. You Are making a responsible choice.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

Answer 5

i'm sorry that this guy is being a jerk and not taking responsibility, but it seems like you don't want to have the abortion.. i think you should stay pregnant, and think about your options. if you decide that you cannot raise the baby, then consider adoption.  or do you have parents or family members who would be willing to help you out? do you have a job? if you have any of those things i bet you can do it. but don't rule out adoption, there are so many couples who cant have a baby and would be able to give yours a loving home and happy life if you feel that you can't. hope i helped, good luck :]

Answer 6

dont do it. u cant handle being a mom. my mother was a single mom at 17 years old and my best friend a single mom at 14!!!! yep and they both did AMAZING. im a mom at 19 and no not a single mom but my husband is gone for 6 months at a time because his job.so i know u can do it,

Answer 7

You can be a great single mother at 19. You sound very mature btw. Anything is possibe. I was a mother at 16 and decided to keep it. I have a great family that backs me and I like to think I have a great head on my shoulders. Everything is possibe. Just bc hes not around doesnt mean it is the end of the world. He is the one that gave you the best thing in the world by getting pregnant. I personally am pro-life, but am not here to judge. But what ever choice you make, make sure that it is the right one.

But if you ever want to talk,

feel free to e-mail me whenever

Answer 8

You can still go on to become a doctor.  I am working on my Masters in Forensic Nursing and I have a 8 month old.  It will be hard, but you said you have family to help.  If your having second thoughts, then deep down you want the child.  What do you think all the little teens do? Their boyfriends dont stick around, and they would be single parents.  

Answer 9

I know it's hard now but yes the best thing you can do is terminate this unwanted pregnancy....I believe a life only begins when you take your first breath...I don't think abortion is murder, Its the mothers choice. My mom had an abortion at your age, and had me at 23...she still wasn't ready for a child....I was raised by a single depressed mom and believe me it wasn't easy. But she would have really ruined her life if she had of had the first baby, Please wait until your emotionally & financially ready for a baby..wait until you find that special guy & you both want a baby. good luck : )

Answer 10

Please don't get an abortion

I believe you can be a good single mom if you put your mind to it

If you don't want to keep the baby put it up for adoption there are other people who aren't able to have one and want one

give the baby a chance!!

Answer 11

Don't do the abortion, you can raise the baby on your own.  It is scary being a single mom we can't lie about that but it is so worth it.  The first time you hold that baby in your arms and see a part of you or when that baby starts to smile at you and laugh, the first words and the first steps...so many firsts.  You will have to growup and be mature about things and you won't get to go running around and going to parties and it will be hard BUT it is worth it trust me.  Even at 19 you can do it.  My sister was 17 and a single mom and it was very scary for her but when you love your child you just push yourself to be the best mom you can be.  If you are having second thoughts about an abortion that means it isn't right for you and you will only regret doing it.  You have been given a gift.  Take care of yourself and start getting ready to be a mom.  It will be full of ups and downs but the ups are just so wonderful.  

Answer 12

What a difficult situation - I really feel for you. Having just become a single mother myself at the age of 35, I do wonder if someone of 19 is ready for it - it's very tough going. I also had an abortion when I was younger, and have never, ever regretted it, as I knew the baby was, to all intents and purposes, unwanted. In fact, many of my friends have also have terminations, and none of them has regretted it - they knew that they were not bringing a baby into a diificult situation, where they may end up with blame directed towards the baby for 'ruining their life'. Make no mistake - having a baby changes your life, and at 19, your life should be yours to lead. You have such a bright future ahead of you; if you were to go ahead and become a single mother now, your life would not your own.

Stay away from anti-abortion propaganda and think of your baby as the embryo that it is - it doesn't become a foetus until later, and it's way, way late in the game that it becomes a baby. If you are in the US, it may be very tough to get a balanced view on abortion, so do take with a pinch of salt anyone who makes glib, moralistic remarks - a lot of the replies on here are, on the other hand, much more sensible!

There are pros and cons to both outcomes. One choice will change your life in every conceivable way from now on - and many of those changes will of course be wonderful ones. The other will give you the choice to bring a beloved child into the world at a time that's right for you, when you can guarantee it love, support, time and the devotion that motherhood requires.

I really wish you all the luck and love in the world, whichever way you go - both decisions are right - it's whatever you decide to do that is right, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Also, try and share your thoughts with only your nearest and dearest - their opinions can help you decide - although ultimately it's only your desires and choices that matter.

You will find heaps of material on the web telling you the downside of abortion. Here are some stories which you may find interesting to read: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2...

Answer 13

With the support of your family and a lot of determination I believe that you could do it.  However, if you do decide that you don't want to have the baby please consider adoption.  I have two nieces that can't have kids and they want one sooo bad.  Imagine the joy that you would bring to someone's life.

Adoptions can be very open these days.  I have a co-worker who gave up a daughter to adoption and she gets regular letters and pictures from the couple.  She goes to the birthday parties so her daughter knows her.  The little girl's just 2 1/2 right now but when she's older and understands she'll always know her biological mother.

Certainly you can choose abortion, I'd just like to encourage you to consider adoption.  Give you're child a chance at life even if it's not with you.  

Answer 14

If you are having second thoughts then I'm sure you are not fully committed into having an abortion. There are other options for you to continue your life with or without your unborn child. If you feel you are capable, with family for support I'm sure you will do fine raising a child on your own. You will have the strength for it, trust me. As a mother of 2, it just automatically comes to you once they enter your life. It's not going to be easy, it never is, but you have to set your priorities straight and figure out what works best for you. Once you realize how precious your little one is you'll do anything to give them the best that you can provide. Good luck, things hardly go the way you plan but you make it work with what you got.  

Answer 15

try go to previous q&a opinion about abortion comments my comments was if its to erase your mistake h**l open wide another soul is coming say this if you got the same thing and whats left instad if pregnant you got aids or some sort could you just abort or pause and rewind  no I dont think so same thing only this is coming alive and can be thankfull to you later on for the big step you taking ...hope this help you a little

Answer 16

If you are doubting the abortion, then it may not be the right choice. I had my child at age 19 and handled it just fine. Regardless if he feels he is ready or not, he already isa father to be. Nobody is ever "ready" to become parents until the time comes. You can do it, there are many who have before you and many of them finished school too. While you are in school, soak up assistance and get through your studies. That is what the assistance is there for. You can make good use of it, collect child support, and finish school. Whatever you choose, make sure that you choose it because it is what YOU want. If you decide not to go through it, let him know so that he can get his priorities straight in the next few months.

Do what will make you feel best. It is a struggle to be single going through school with a baby, but you can do it.  

Answer 17

I would strongly recommend that you do NOT get an abortion.  The fact that you are thinking about it, means that you should not.  You can still be a doctor, or anything you want to do.  You sound smart, with a good head on your shoulders.  You were meant to have this child, it is fate.  You would be a great mother, and even though he is acting weird now, think about it,,, it is really difficult to get attached to something you cannot see or feel.  When that baby is born, he will turn into a new person, and if not, oh well it is his loss.  You can achieve anything you want in life, look at how many successful women out there who have children.  

Answer 18

I am sorry you are going through this!  You can always change your mind.  Even if you get to the waiting room on Friday, you can change your mind and get up and leave.

It sounds like you are having serious doubts about terminating the pregnancy.  Please talk to your famliy or someone close to you about this.  Someone you can talk to *in person.*

I am not against abortion, but it is an extremely serious decision, and not to be taken lightly.  It is not something to do because it seems 'convenient.'  

Please see a counselor or talk to your family.  You really need a live human being to talk to.

Answer 19

I don't know if I can bare my soul to you here. I've kept this inside for 30 years. I was your age, married with 2 babies already. My husband was a bum, I wasn't smart enough to know I couldn't fix him.

We split up and had make up s*x and I got preg. He told me I had to have an abortion or he would leave me for good. Leave me with two kids, no support and tell every one the new one wasn't his.  Like I said he was a prince of a man. Then I was young, scared, abused and unable to stand up to him. I had the abortion. I treated it like there was never a baby. Never thought of it as one. After ward was a another story. i knew then that if for no other reason my kids and I would not stay with a man who was so callous toward his own child, his wife, his family. The month the baby would have been born I found the strength to end my marriage. I lost that baby but that baby saved me and my kids from years of abuse that would have come.

I haven't told this story to a dozen people ever, so great is my shame, but if it will help you I'll tell the world.

My kids were 2 and 3 and I stayed 1500 miles from my family so that I would never go back to that man. It was hard I won't lie.

I can't tell you what to do, you have so much planned for your life and a baby will change things A LOT. If you decide to terminate the pregnancy do it b/c its whats best for you not so ****** sperm donor.

I am like you, anti abortion but pro choice for others. You have to make sure that the pain or guilt is not more than you can bear if you terminate. You also have to know that if you keep the baby your life will never be the same. Your plans will have to change to "can we" instead of "can I".  Just inform your self and make the right choice for you. If you need t talk add a note and I'll give you my email address.

Good luck, peace to your heart.

Answer 20

If you don't want to have an abortion dont do it. You will regret it. You sure can be a single mum at 19, it wont be easy, being a mum at any age in any relationship status isn't easy, but it is very doable especially with a supportive family. I got pregnant at 19, had my daughter at 20, a bit different because her father and I stuck together, but a lot of my friends are single mums and even though they do it a lot tougher than me, they still manage and are really great parents.  

Answer 21

Please Please consider a good family for adoption.   If your parents are fully behind you then you consider keeping the baby, but it's a good 18 or more years of counting on them.   One might pass away or have an illness ..you never know.

  It's very hard taking care of a child and working, paying a babysitter, clothing and shoes,  also doctor and dental bills.

  Abortion kills.  This is a living child.     Also the father should be made to pay child support.........tell his parents and when the baby is born, prove it by a DNA.    Hope you Cancel the appointment.