Can I bring this up? My sister plays favorites with her children?

Question

My sister plays favorites with her children the 8 year old is constantly pushed aside in favor of the 3 year old....and it's driving me crazy to see it!

For example today they planned on going to the park, and the 8 year old wanted to go to a particular one but my sister said "No and stop asking, we are not going there." But then the 3 year old piped up and asked to go to the same park the 8 yr old wanted to and my sister said "Oh baby of course we can!"

That's just one example of the types of things that go on all the time. I feel like if my sister doesn't stop favoring her youngest my niece will eventually want to move in with her father.

Should I say something? Or should I just keep my mouth shut?

Answer 1

its better if you say it than anyone else!

i feel bad for the kids!

tell her it isnt fair for the children, and you cant stand to see it!

parents should treat their kids equally!

i would be embarrassed if one of my friends said it instead of my own sister!

Answer 2

You should say something it will hurt the 3 year old later on and injure the bond between the mother and 3 year old I would hate that!

Answer 3

I think you should say something. If she really loves the 8 year old, she'll listen to your suggestions. She might say things like 'it's none of your buisness and this is not your child.' I would suggest doing something with only the 8 year old, like see a movie go to the park or zoo.

I agree with eventually moving with her father. If your not that lucky, she'll run away from home......let's hope and pray that if god forbids that will happen, the mom will look for her.

But then again, at home when you don't see them, the 8 year old could be doing some pretty bad things to friends, family, the 3 year old, or the mom.

I don't think this is a very healthy relashonship for the mother and child. If she wants the kid, let her have it. God forbid you have to call the abuse of child facility, thats only for physical things/ sometimes mental.

I suggest bring it up by e-mail, or phone. Maybe tell her face to face if its reeeally bothering you. Treat her as if you were your sister. Maybe she was older than you and felt like the 8 year old.

Good luck,

Massie

Answer 4

You should  say something that is not fair and I will eventually make the older one feel like c**p and think that she doesn't care about him or his feelings and it will start to get worse as he gets older and you don't want him to get into trouble b/c you didn't say something and help him out. I would really rip into her cuz that's not fair. I have 3 kids and they are all treated the SAME

Answer 5

Say something, but just once. If she's not willing to hear it, repeating yourself will just get her madder. I'd have SEVERAL specific examples in mind so she cannot try to blow you off. I'd also mention your fear that the niece will want to live with her Dad if the favoritism continues.

Answer 6

Let's look for a second at your 2 options and possible consequences:

1) You say nothing. Your niece, a child, continues to get pushed aside for a long time and doesn't feel at all worthy in the family. [You could, in this case, make sure to give special attention to her and be someone she can talk to so that she does have someone in her life who helps her feel worthy.]

2) You say something and possible consequences:

a) she says she didn't realize she was doing it and ends up changing her behaviour. Your relationship with her is strengthened.

b) she denies it, possibly even gets angry at the insinuation; this might create some tension in your relationship for a little bit, but at least it's been brought up, she might see it down the road, and you can do whatever you need to so that girl feels special and worthy.

Answer 7

Hmm. That's a tough one. Most parents don't like criticism. Well I'm 15 but I think it really depends on your sisters personality.

maybe offer to watch the 3 year old sometimes and say like "hey why dont i take *3 year olds name* for the day so you can do something with *8 year old name*"

But if you really think it's going to affect the 8 year old then it might be a good idea to bring it up.

Answer 8

Since you are the sister, you should say something to her. You are there to protect your niece and make sure she is getting the proper attention. Maybe, you and your niece should have one on one time together if the mom will not step up. As the saying goes "it takes a village to raise a child".

My sister was doing the same thing with her kids and I told her nicely about it....then, when it did not change....I got very ugly with her about it. Now, everything is better but I still visit and spend lots of time with my nephew.

Answer 9

No, you keep quiet.

I was in the same situation with one of my sisters and here two daughter - just remember you are not in their home all of the time, and you really don't know all of their family's dynamics.

Answer 10

Speak up.

she may not even realize it..or she may think it's OK b/c it's the baby...

That older child is going to be harmed by this, and you standing by without trying to help is ALMOST like watching mom slap her in the face and doing nothing (ALMOST). Like Velken said, have specifi examples. AND tell her what you think will happen if she keeps it up.

If she doesn't listen, I'd say try her a few more times- but don't become a nag.

Make sure you give that older on the one-on-one affection she's missing  - if you are able.

Answer 11

chances are if you say something (no matter how tactfully you try to put it) she will just become defensive, or deny it. is there a reason your older niece shouldnt move in with her father? if he's a good parent, and would treat her the way she deserves to be treated, maybe it wouldnt be so bad.

what you could do in the meantime is request to take your niece places and do things with her, just her. not that im saying you should favor her exclusively, but maybe it would be a way to make your niece feel special and not feel so bad about what her mother is doing.

it's just a suggestion, hope it helped. and i do feel sorry for the poor little girl. but at least she has an aunt that loves her very much and wants to be sure that she's happy and well cared for. good luck!