Can I get some input on this wedding idea?

Question

My fiance and I are having a hard time coming to a consensus on wedding plans. He wants a lot of people (big family) and I don't. He wants things more traditional and formal and I can't stand the thought of going through with something like that. I've been to enough weddings to figure out that I don't want my own to be typical (I hate dancing, DJs, chatting up people I barely know, etc).

We're going to have a short civil ceremony, since neither of us are religious, and afterward I thought of having a wine, fruit, and dessert buffet. It's going to be next Halloween and probably at a vineyard. It'll be shorter, smaller, less formal, and satisfy my m-i-l's aversion to hard liquor. The bridesmaids and groomsmen's only role would be acknowledgment of being our bffs and siblings (and my girls get to choose their own dresses in a color we all like).

Am I being a reverse bridezilla, or should we just go to the county clerk with our rings and get it over with in five minutes?

Answer 1

I think it's so cool that he wants very traditional things for his wedding - just shows that it's not only brides who think of their special day.

Time for compromise - don't falter here.

Answer 2

I had wanted a large wedding when I was younger (I am sure that I like most girls dream about their wedding day), but as I got older I realized that weddings are about love not how money you spend.

  I had a small wedding with 25 people. I got married at a local park and had my friend's dad (who is a minister) perform the ceremony. we had a backyard reception and had hot dogs and hamburgers. we had one dance (the one as husband and wife). the important things to remember is (1) it is your day and (2) keep it simple (it allows you to be less stressed out).

Answer 3

You are not being a reverse bridezilla.  I too did not want all the hoopla and more importantly the HEADACHE of a big wedding.  To be perfectly honest, that's a lot of money, alot of planning and no one is happy and everyone throws in their opinions (but not their money) for one day?  My husband wanted something more traditional and with family and we just sat down and I just explained that for one day, all the planning, expense and stress was not worth it.  We agreed to just go to the justice of the peace....we had our families there......it was very casual and then we splurged on a nice honeymoon......and we went to cancun.  I say weddings are over-rated........  The purpose of this is to "marry" your soul mate...who says you have to please everyone else in the process?

Answer 4

I am soooo with you. You fiance' is sounding like the Bridezilla not you. What kind of man has so many demands in a wedding. Is he picking your clothes too so that his family won't be offended or something like that.

I would suggest that you tell you fiance to start acting more like a man and less like a metrosexual!

BTW, think of what other things you could do with $50K! In this economy starting life together in the hole is not a good thing at all!

Answer 5

i say just elope.  a wedding is just an EXTREMELY expensive show.

its how long? a twenty minute ceremony with a 4 hour party for what? $50,000......depending on what goes on...  just go to a city hall or something.  it's the marriage, not the wedding you should be focused on.

do whatever makes you happy.

Answer 6

In the end - it is your wedding and it should be done the way you want.  I think the vineyard reception idea sounds really unique and comfortable.

I guess you could be considered a reverse Bridezilla since it is your fiance who is wanting the big "do" but in the end - you have to do what is best for the both of you.

Answer 7

I think your ideas are fine but not if they crush what your fiance wants.  You really need to make sure it is a compromise.  And although I like the wine idea, remember your friends who don't drink wine.

BTW: if you get what you want and he doesn't, that does make you bridezilla.

Answer 8

Do the vineyard thing.  Your guy probably needs the ceremony even if he doesn't get the formal thing he was thinking of.

I have the same problem with my guy, but we had a consensus fairly quickly because of the budget and his minimal requirements.  I would have been happy to have a civil ceremony and go to IHOP afterwards (I hear their blueberry pancakes are better than mine).  I was absolutely adamant about the budget because I refuse to do the wedding on credit and I am buying a house in November, 1 month before the wedding. So long as I don't have to wear a white dress, all is peachy keen.

Answer 9

I know this sounds bad but here it goes! Like most women there is no thought of what the man wants in the wedding preparation. All you seem to care about is what you want. Have you ever heard of compromise? How about taking a little of what you want and a little of what he wants put it together and call it a day. If not he my regret it one day and look back at you and wonder why he let you talk him into something he did not want to do. Why shouldn't his feelings be considered? He has to be there also. Then there are the parents as well (a lot more people that just you) I know it is hard to read but it is true. Thinks of others then your feelings and I am sure you will come up with a great plan for a great day. Remember people alway try to recreate times in there lives that they should have done differently  

Answer 10

Sounds like you have it all planned-- doesn't seem like you're looking to compromise if you've already got it set.

But I'd be a little more generous with the meal idea-- wine, fruit, and dessert buffet-- sorry but... gag. Give people real food. Not everyone wants to OD on sugar