Can I have some comments please this is a reposting Something is wrong with it. I need help with it.?

Question

This was pulled.. is it that bad?..or simply ambiguous?

I Am Waiting

The light of autumn glows on the surface of my river.

The sun creeps up the slope of my darkening hill.

Golding, yellowing Aspens tremble

the butter coloured glory of these birch leaves quiver

I am mesmerized, agape---awe-filled, still.

Above,

the earth is heavy

protecting me from the gusts

of cold, the steel gray skies of winter

coming.

I am not sad. I am waiting.

Answer 1

Autumnlove did a great job with the edit.  I have come to the conclusion that YA staff uses a dartboard to pull contributor questions and answers as they pulled one of my  opinion comments on public figure Jese Ventura's press interview recently.  Contained no offensive language, slander/libel elements or other objectionable material and they sent me one of those violation notices without an explanation and failed to respond to my eMail. If I get one in the future, I am just going to ignore because 80% of high school grads can't read anyway.  I'd give Autumn the 10 points for the "fix" and  not be concerned with YA's illiteracy problems.

Answer 2

Your poem is pretty good. I love all the discriptions, it paints a picture in your head. I don't understand why nobody has said anything about your poem, maybe their just jealous of your ability :)

Answer 3

the first two lines are not common analogies and seem to be mixed metaphores.  "My river" and "My darkening hill" are not concepts easily translatable.  I think the rest of it is wonderful but you lost me in the first two lines.

line two

the dawn sheds sunlight on my dark cold heart?

Answer 4

Your poem is truly beautiful images but I find it jutty in its presentation.  So how about this?

______________________________________

I Am Waiting

The light of autumn glows on the surface of the river

and creeps up the slope of my darkening hill.

Golden, yellowing Aspens tremble while the

butter colored glory of birch leaves quiver

mesmerizing me; I am filled with awe, stilled.

All around me the earth is heavy

protecting me from the gusts of cold;

the steel gray skies of winter that are coming.

But I am not sad, I am simply waiting.

______________________________________

This might work better for you.  It seems to flow better with almost identical wording but with a little more connecting of the thoughts you conveyed.