Can I make her fee loved?

Question

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/;_ylc=X3oDMTE1MmI4N2IyBF9TAzIxMTU1MDAxMTgEc2VjA2Fuc19ub3QEc2xrA3N1YmplY3Q-;_ylv=3?qid=20080728145627AAUihcd

I hope if you click on this you can get a history of my situation.

Bottom line is after a month long break, (it has been 2 full months since I moved out...) I met my ex for a cup of coffee. My goal was to not bring up the past but make her feel loved and appreciated...

I the coversation she said she wanted to be on her own, find herself, focus on herself, etc. and gave only a small clue that she would get back together in the future...

Question? I brought up a recent event that I thought we had a good amount of fun doing, and her answer was more like "it was fine, it was companionship...but not love, I want to feel love, to feel loved..."

I took it in stride (remembering that I had a good time, and did feel the love...but somehow I need to do more to make her feel loved?????

Maybe have been more romantic? Attentive? I thought that was a good day for us...

Answer 1

I'm sorry I don't go with all this changing yourself to accommodate someone else. If it isn't working out then you are both right to step away from it. All this feeling the love, the love is either there or it's not. Can you tell me you never made her a cup of coffee, that's showing love. Can you tell me you never did something household wise that she was having difficulty with, that's showing love. Can you tell me that you never just walked up to her and threw your arms around her and told her you loved her. That's all showing love. If she ain't got it by now then she isn't reciprocating your love. If she can't share your good feelings about a time shared then you really should give up on it. And find someone who can.

Answer 2

I think that as you say she had a good time, but she probably feels that you are not paying atention to her. Be more thoughtfull send her flowers, call her and ask her how her day was, don't say anyhting just listen, make her thoughtfull meaningfull gifts. Things that tell her <HEY I WAS THINKING OF YOU>, she probably feels unloved cause you stoped paying atention to her and took her for granted. You still have time to change this.  

Answer 3

I have been in her situation before. Couples therapy helped a lot . Just the small things. You two need to find out what made you two fall in love with each other in the first place. Leave random notes for her, in her jacket pocket, in her car on the dash, send flowers to work, make her favorite food for dinner, surprise her with her favorite movie, plan a surprise night out. Its all the small things that count. Make her remember when you two fell in love in the first place.

Answer 4

here is a good book for you:

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

it defines the different ways people interpret love.

by the way, it is really sweet of you to be so concerned.

I hope things work out for you.

Answer 5

Well I will have to piggy back on Gwen. Gary Chapman book is amazing. another point I wanted to  share with you is that sometimes when after you have done all you could do. It is really up to the person to accept the gift of love. There was a rough patch in my marriage(never to the point of separation) I would tell my husband Ididn'tt feel love and  he did everything to make me feel loved and I was not feeling it. I had to realize (through some soul searching and prayer) It was not him it was me. I need to accept the love and stop making excuses, sometimes it a hard habit to break!! Good Luck!!