Can I please get some advise?

Question

Hey last month my mum and dad adopted two young children from ov seas. ages 7 and 1 the 7 year old is really acting out. I was wondering do you think there is anything as there big sister i could do..?

thnx

Answer 1

Try to imagine if you were just adopted and moved to an entirely new country, into a home with people you don't know, trying to love on you...would it be a bit overwhelming?  Frightening even?

Take it easy on the kid.  Be his friend, but don't expect to be an "instant" family...it takes time to build love and trust between people, it's no different with adoptees.  Show him he can trust you.  Find some fun things you can do together.

Is there a language barrier?  Make an attempt to learn his native language and communicate that way, until he learns English.

But whatever you do, don't force anything on him, just let him lead the way and take your cues from him.  This is a HUGE adjustment and it will take some time to get used to his new life with his new family.

Good luck, big sis!

(Sorry...or her, I guess you didn't specify if this was a new brother or sister!)

Answer 2

Just be there for her. She is scared and probably isn't quit sure what to think of the situation. It will be hard for her for a while new family new country etc. Try to be understanding and try to talk to her and help her feel that she belongs in your family.  Your kind words and actions will help her alot. You're a good sister for wanting to help. good luck

Answer 3

make them feel like part of the family. don't ever treat them as outsiders.show them alot of love and care. try not to bring up the whole adoption topic as that will make them feel uncomfortable.

introduce them to your friends and don't let them feel left out.

Answer 4

Be kind, buy small things for them. Help them feel welcomed.

Answer 5

Smile a lot.  Try not to be real touchy feely just yet.  Take them for ice cream.  Let them express their feelings in a safe environment.  If she is throwing things take them away from her.  If she is throwing a tantrum, ignore her.  Babysit a lot to give your Mom a break.  Good for you big sis.

Answer 6

What preparation did you and your family do before adopting to learn and understand the pain your new adoptees would be feeling upon entering your family? Had you studied Nancy Verrier, Dr. Marcy Axness, BJ Liffton or Joe Soll?

If you didn't please do so now. Please tell others who may be planning to adopt to investigate these issues BEFORE gaining custody of the child.

Answer 7

Give her time to adjust. This must be so hard for her I could not imagine been taken from the only place i ever knew as home.  Just try to be her friend. Help her make new friends her age. Good Luck

Answer 8

JustAnoth... gave really good advice.  My advice for the big sis is...imagine what it must be like to be somewhere where no one understands what you are very clearly, very loudly explaining to the best of your ability.  Wouldn't that be incredibly frustrating?  I know that would make me want to throw a tantrum!

An overly simple example:  Have you ever traveled to a foreign country where you did not speak the language?  You just need to know where the bathroom is, you've asked, no one understand what you want, you're getting desperate, you keep asking, you keep getting more desperate...finally it is too late!  Now, even worse, you need even more help from all the people who cannot understand you!  

Get a picture book or a set of flash cards with pictures (maybe you and the 7 year old could make them together) and start helping her build a vocabulary base of nouns.  This is how I began learning a foreign language that I eventually became quite fluent in.  Make it a calm, fun game that you two play everyday.  Keep adding words.

Answer 9

As I am sure you know the seven year old is probably going through some really hard times adjusting to her new environment and getting over home sickness/country sickness.  The best thing you can do is to be understanding.  Talk with her, show her fun things to do instead of acting out, and make her feel part of the family.  

If you become her friend and role model it will make her transition easier.  Plus, once you become someone she loves and looks up to you can begin to teach her leasons and correct any of her bad manors.

Answer 10

Poor kid.

All I can say is put yourself in her shoes, try to see things through her eyes, and you will know what to do to help her.

Good luck