Can I please have some help with some things on this board?

Question

What does ETA mean?

PAP: Prospective adoptive Parent (right?)

AP:Adoptive Parent (right?)

BM.....I'd do that one differently (birth or biological mother)?

I'm not sure what a substitute mother is....but I don't think I like that one.....it is fine to be sensitive, but I don't like that title at all.

I hope I ask this right....I've only asked one question and I received a violation and it was deleted.

Answer 1

ETA:  Edited to add, and you're right about the other acronyms.

You don't have to like my use of "substitute mom".  That's what I'm going to be.  The children I raise will only be raised by me because they NEED a substitute mom.  I'm not interested in tearing families apart in order to parent someone else's child.  The method my husband and I have chosen to complete our family is foster care, because, again, these children actually need substitute families.  I'm not just adopting so that I can be a parent, regardless of what happens to the others involved in my decision.  

And I don't call myself a prospective substitute mom out of sensitivity to anyone.  I call myself that because that's what I am.

Answer 2

You got them right, and someone answered the ETA for you.

Sorry your question got deleted. Some people are really uber-sensitive in this section of Answers and things get deleted unnecessarily.

Answer 3

I am there, kids need forever parents, not substitute ones.  This implies that the Sub Parent won't be around permanently, and everyone needs a family they can call their own forever, no matter what.

Thanks, though, never knew what ETA meant.

(BTW - it is considered inappropriate to use the acronym BM for Birth Mother.  B-Mom, First mom, Bio Mom is better and not referring to an intestinal function - I made this same mis-step (not to intentionally offend - just not experienced) at the beginning of our *permanent* adoption journey with my daughter.)

ETA:  (Hey I get to use it and know what it means!  LOL)  Mom 123, don't take it personally, there are a ton of super high running passionate folks in this section and the thumbs are political, and people give them our like beads at Mardi Gras!

Answer 4

You got PAP, AP, and BM right. ETA is Edited to Add.

I don't know exactly what is meant by substitue mother but as an adoptee it feels very wrong.

Answer 5

I really have no idea...and I've never been to the Adoption category of Yahoo!Answers.  This is a guess.

ETA--estimated time of arrival

---my sister and her husband recently welcomed an 18 month old boy into their family from Quatemala.  The waited 18 months for his arrival.  Things are going great.

Good luck to you.

I just came back to this question...so it looks like I was wrong, but I did say it was a guess.  Anyway, why so many thumbs down on these answers?

Answer 6

I think you're right....I've also heard FM for first mom.

I have to say, as a professional, I don't like substitute mom at all.  I have only seen it a few times and I mean no offense as I greatly respect one person using it.

For special needs/adoption children....they have had MANY substitute moms.....they need a forever mom, or just mom....

Sometimes our efforts to be PC are actually not good.

Substitute implies many things : Not as good as the real thing (in these cases not usually the case)

Transient....you have many substitutes in school one day they show up, the next they are gone.

I read your question (I think)...I thought it was excellent, but I KNEW it would be deleted the minute I read it.

I'm sorry it was!

ETA: Never knew what that meant either!

GR:  You know that I want to kidnap you, but you need to ask some adult foster kids and your SW about that term........

I really don't like it....for some of your kids, you aren't going to be a substitute, you may be the only true Mom they've ever known.

No one wants to rip apart a family, but some families are already fragmented and the children need help healing.

It is just a term, use it if you want, but I don't think your kids are going to like the idea of having a substitute mom....like substitute sweetner, fake with a bad after taste.

Please keep in mind that not EVERY adopted kid feels the way the people on this board do and most of the people who post on this board are not special needs adopted kids....in 10 years, most of the kids I've worked with wanted a normal life and to be like everyone else.

I'd be concerned if one of my parents had that role of parenting.

But you know I respect you, if when we disagree.  You are always respectful to everyone...even people I've been snipey with!