Can I plz get feedback for my poem?

Question

I heard that song...

in the market;

The one that reminds me of you.

It burned like an ember

in the palm of my hand.

I could only embrace it

and wait for the pain to stop.

The song ended.

The ember died.

My hand still hurts...

for some reason.

Answer 1

I think you're poem is great.  Since it is a short and bluntly expressed piece I do think that a changed structure would allow the reader a smoother flow of thoughts and phrases and I would go with "waiting for the pain to end" in line 7 to soften the piece ..............such as this:

I heard the song

in the market;

the one that reminds me of you.

It burned like an ember

in the palm of my hand;

I could only embrace it,

waiting for the pain to end.

The song finally stopped;

the ember died

but my hand still hurts

for some reason.

Other than this most minor critique, it seems to be a winner to me. It expresses perfectly the way we carry and manifest our pain into our bodies when our hearts can't carry it anymore.  And the brevity is charmingly curt and poignant in conveying that.

Answer 2

its deep

like dark purple deep were it almost looks black but then the light hits it and you see its so much more

Answer 3

Do you want me to criticate your poem?

ok...

I don't like it... I think you can do better than that.

Answer 4

it's good but , it's a little stop. go. stop. go. i think it needs to flow a lot better. I like though :)