Can I trust my husband after a 9 month separation? He decided to come home last Thursday.?

Question

He didn't give an explanation why he returned or anything. He just said that he was coming home. I know many of you will probably say "just be happy he is home." But I genuinely want to know what gave him a change of heart. Just last week he said he wasn't coming home. Now he is back.

A little background...there has been domestic violence disputes that resulted in us taking a break from each other until we get things under control. Every time that we try to reconcile, we get right back into it with each other.

Do you think that I should question his return or just be glad that he is home. He hasn't discussed how we could make the marriage better or anything.

Answer 1

Sounds like you two are not well together no matter how much you each care for each other. As for trusting him, I wouldn't. I think you need to move on and see a doctor to talk to. Maybe there is a reason you feel like you should be with him. Kick the creep out.

Answer 2

I would never trust anyone who was violent toward me and I would never let them back in my life.  I am sorry, I am sure you want this all to wok out, but I really think you are just asking for trouble.  

Please be safe and take care.

Answer 3

no he could have 100 different diseases

Answer 4

be happy he is home but be cautious b/c domestic violence is very serious someone can get hurt. if you all have to put your hands on eachother to communicate then its best you all stay seperated until one or both of you all can get some counseling. are there children? if there are then somebody needs help ASAP!!!!!!! you should never put your hands on any body.

Answer 5

are u addiction for him. what is ur home? common place? get out him if u dont want him of course

Answer 6

You need to get him to talk. If you can't do that, then what's the point of letting him back into your life. You deserve better honey. :)

Answer 7

Make sure he didn't come home because he had no other place to go to.  Do you really want a violent relationship? Don't let him stay there as if nothing happened, come right out and ask him what he is thinking, Is he there for you? Is he there to work things out or just cause he knows you will let him in? IS he outta money and depends on you? Let him know that if he leaves again then don't bother coming back, he using you until he finds another fling or some other reason to leave.

Answer 8

You need to get as much information as you can get.  See if he is serious about the relationship or just wants someplace to live until he moves on again.  You didn't say which direction the domestic abuse was aimed or what type of abuse.  If the abuse was him on you, you need to be careful and safe.

Answer 9

Been here many times.  The cold hard truth - he thinks he can do better but most likely can't and won't.  If you let him he will walk in and out of your life many times for years and years.   He may leave you physically and emotionally for days or months at a time.  I say move on 9in your brain.  Your heart will be there for a while, but remove your body.  Meet people - hopefully mister right - he'll get jealous and want you back.  DON'T DO IT.  You'll feel bad for him and may miss and love him still, but you'll both be better off.  Things wil never change, but if yo do this he may treat the next one better, and you'll at least have someone who respects you.

Answer 10

I would insist that he tell me why he wants to return/what gave him the change of heart (could be an 8 mth [other] relationship went sour) AND make a plan for therapy to improve our situation BEFORE I let him return, if I were you.  Most especially with abuse in your past.  I hope you leave your computer screen, pick up a suitcase, pack it, hand it to him and ask him to please contact you when he has a game-plan for correcting the problems in your relationship but until then to please find somewhere else to live.  You can tackle the 'why/what' question in therapy.  Any counselor will support your need to know that as a need for your security in knowing he won't leave again.

Answer 11

no dont let him in

Answer 12

I would want to know why.  He owes you that.  If you do not have communication in your relationship then you have nothing

Linda

Answer 13

You should not be happy he is home.  You should have changed the locks while he was gone.  My suggestion is to do something for yourself, something you deserve, and get this creep out of your life.

Answer 14

Other than trailer people, who has a husband storm off for nine months then magically reappear. Sounds like a nine month crack binge at the Bo-Peep motel with LuLu Bell and her friends.

Answer 15

flush him down the toilet baby