Can I work through a relationship with an alcoholic?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. Actually, we broke up around a month ago because of issues that he has. You see, when he has problems, he drinks. Instead of dealing with issues, he drinks. He also has been diagnosed with depression and p.t.s.d. from being in the middle east. (Military) We had come a long way and endured a lot. We love each other so much. But, his drinking and lack of desire to work through his issues made me decide to leave him because it was making our relationship a lot harder. But, right before we broke up, he admitted that he had a problem...and has been seeking therapy and rehab since. And as time has passed, I have found myself questioning my decision. Our love is really strong, and our relationship was strong with the exception of those things. I don't want to be without him. He has my whole heart. And I know that I have his.

Would it be possible to work through these issues together?? If I chose to try to get past this, could we?? What could I do to understand more, or to help him?

Any input would be so helpful.

Answer 1

Jessica, I work as a therapist in addictions and see this daily.

It's hard to say... he needs to quit drinking so rehab is a good idea, he also needs a support system and that's where you come in.

It's very valiant to be beside someone who has seen the horrors of life he has seen and he needs you, more than you probably realize.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, but he needs to make that first step and realize he needs help... then to get that help.

The facilty I'm at is a 6 month minimum facility and I believe people need that time. They need to unlearn this newly learned behavior, but you also need to get some therapy too, if not that then look into Al-Anon.

Best of luck and wish him well for me also.

Answer 2

get rid of him you dont even know him with out the alcohol

Answer 3

Well, if you grew up among alcoholics, you know exactly what is in store for you if you stay with this guy.  Yet you still want to do it, don't you?  My suggestion, whether or not you stay with your boyfriend, is to seek therapy to help you figure out WHY you are attracted to someone who has the exact same issues you tried to escape from in your childhood.  This is critical, because even if you do leave your current boyfriend I will bet you dollars to donuts your next boyfriend will also be some sort of addict.

The lessons we do not learn, we are destined to repeat.

Answer 4

Your boyfriend getting through his addiction is something that only he can accomplish in the end. Whether or not you're willing to take the risk and hope for the best is up to you. I can tell you from experience that it is not an easy path to take. Good luck.

Answer 5

You I believe are handling this as best as you can at this point in time. However you need more info.. Please do take the advise, and start attending Ala non meetings. Also purchase the book "One day at a Time".

I would think if he is dealing with PTSD, he is being treated at the VA, hospital. They do have inpatient programs for Alcoholics. I got sober at the VA, in Long Beach. Calif., because of my partner at the time. She just told me to get sober or she was leaving. She had by the way got info. from alanon, AA, how to handle the situation.  

Answer 6

WALK AWAY IMMEDIATELY,

If you are healthy and have no vices, why would you submit yourself to the heartaches of a person who is in a self destructive path?

Find an AA group, go to a couple of meetings and pay attention to the suffer their families go through and then ask yourself intelligently why knowingly you should expose yourself to that type of pain.

I have a close relative with an alcohol problem, he has made his family miserable. One of my best friend's brother has a drinking problem, 3 wives and 56 yrs later, he is still the black sheep of his family and half the family want nothing to do with him, neither with my friend who refuses to get help, because she is a victim of his brother, and he is indirect responsible of the failure of her marriage and the poor relationship with her kids. Because she has devoted her life to take care of her younger brother.

A person who is in self destructing mode, will pull you down with him.

DO YOU WANT THAT for your life?

You are young, seek help to break the path of alcoholism in your life, and live a happy life, do it for yourself and the kids you would like to have in the future.

Kids are embarrassed of alcoholic parents, do you want that?

Answer 7

if hes trying to get help, that's a good thing, alot of people refuse help, but you would also need alanon, to deal with you re upbringing, ive been

through exactly the same as you, and ive decided to leave my boyfriend of 14 years because he refuses to admit it. good luck

Answer 8

He has to go to AA & you need to attend Al -Anon meetings for family members or spouses of alcoholics.