Can a catholic Decon "marry" my husband and me even if we are already married and not Catholic?

Question

My husband and I already got married, but he's gone for a few months for his training for boot camp in the Army. We had a very small wedding, but plan to have a huge formal one when he comes back, so I can wear my dress and also so we can celebrate it.

I have a friend of the family who is a Decon in the Catholic church- the only way he can marry a couple is if they are catholic, and if it remains in the confines of the church. Neither my husband are catholic though.

But, if we are both married already, would he be allowed to at least be there for us to re-new our vows? Please, knowledgeable answers only, thank you very much- any kind of input is appreciated.

Answer 1

Hi ARMY STRONG, Welcome to the ranks of being a military wife. I'm a military wife myself (NAVY). I come from a VERY strong catholic family (I'm not catholic myself), and one of you HAS to be catholic in order to have a church blessing. :( That's a very sad thing. BUT what you can do, is where ever you get stationed, you can ask the chaplain that is in charge of his unit to set up a time where you can have a church blessing in the base chapel. OR if your of an earth based religion you can go to www.witchvox.com they have clergy on there.

good luck to you. :)  

Answer 2

A deacon can attend but just as any other guest - he can't officiate. In Catholic principles - the "ministers of the sacrament of matrimony" are the husband and the wife. The deacon or priest is just an official witness. If the man/woman aren't "qualified" for the sacrament (aren't Catholic or other criteria) then there can't be an official witness for the Church.

Answer 3

From what I understand he could marry you if one of you were catholic. Now you guys could go to the pre-cana classes to become catholic and then he could marry you. I think they take about 4 months to complete but I'm not sure. Hope that helps.

Answer 4

Hi and congratulations and thank you to your husband for his service to our country!

OK....I am sooooo confused by all you are saying and all your edits.

First you ask us if a Catholic Deacon can marry you.....then you say that you are already legally married and you want him for the vow renewal....then you say you DID ask him and he told you he cannot....so why are you asking?  I am very confused.

I am Catholic myself, so here is what I know:

YES, a Catholic Deacon can perform the Sacrament of Marriage in a Catholic Church (one .....only ONE) member of the couple needs to be Catholic....not both.  Either the bride OR the groom.

Now, however, since you are already legally married....and if you were Catholic (or your husband), you could have a "blessing of your marriage" in the Catholic Church

(if you were married somewhere else other than the church....like a park).....but that is IF you (or your husband) are Catholic.

If you are not even Catholic, then why are you bothering with the Catholic Deacon?  

I understand that this is a family friend, but it is just not possible because neither of you are Catholic.

You CAN, however, still have a renewal of vows with another pastor or minister.  Why not call the minister of YOUR church and ask him/her to do this for you?

Much, much easier.

Answer 5

It's depend.  If I understand what's happened, you had only a civil marriage but it was not religious?  

If those clergy members are "by the book", I think both of you have to be Catholics. I know here in Montreal so little people want to marry at Church that most of clergy members only ask that one the spouse be Catholic.  So you OR your husband need to convert.

Why not just ask to your family friend?

And good luck with you're husband in army, I know it's not always easy!

Answer 6

Nope.  Rules changed about 10 years ago.  It is possible that he can bless your marriage, but my guess is the diocese will not allow it because   your husband is not catholic and you two haven't been through Pre-Cana. If neither of you are Catholic, however, the diocese isn't going to allow a blessing at all.  I mean, what would be the point?

Answer 7

ask a father

Answer 8

No you can not be married by a Catholic Priest or Deacon if you are not a Catholic. A marriage ceremony is one of the sacred sacraments of Catholic life. You must meet previous sacraments, such as Baptism, Confirmation, Communion, etc. All of these are required by the Catholic Church before marriage. A Catholic Priest or Deacon is not authorized to perform Holy ceremonies outside of the church. A marriage performed outside of the church will not be considered valid by the Church - Vatican. I'm sure he can attend your renewal as a guest but would not be able to perform the ceremony.