Can a cheater ever stop being a cheater?

Question

My sister's husband was married 3 times before her and he cheated on every one of them. He says that the reason for this is the 1st wife was lazy, didn't work or clean or take care of the kids and he came home from working the 3rd shift job and took care of kids, cooked, cleaned, etc while she did nothing and he had no sleep. And he was only with her because of the kids and nothing more. He wanted to leave but his mother begged him to stay for the kids.

The 2nd wife he said never fixed herself up and always bitched at him over nothing and only was wanting his money and nothing more. Would not work or clean etc.

3rd wife accused him of cheating when he wasn't over and over when he was really trying to be good. But she continued on with it and it ruined them.

He tells my sister that he loves her and she is different because they get along and are alot alike and have fun. He is very much attracted to her and is lucky to have her. And that he thought he loved the others but he really didn't because when it was over it was over and it didn't hurt him, other than to go through it all over again and the impact on the kids. He said that he fixed his stuff before they got together and never even dreams of cheating with her. My sister works and cleans and he helps her with the cleaning. From what I can see he does love her and does anything for her. He is jealous of her and he said he never got jealous with any of the others. They look really happy and he acts like he would move mountains for her. Is this too good to be true? Will he cheat? Or could he have been really that unhappy?

Answer 1

Married 3 times and cheated on all 3 wives? WOW

My advice to your sister would be this, she shouldn't ever get lazy, be unkempt, and she shouldn't acuse him of cheating....

I'M KIDDING! She is married to a real 'winner'. If hes cheated on all 3 wives, he'll cheat on her too. Mark my word.

This wife did this, this wife did that. Funny he failed to mention all the good they problem did which is obvious how selfish he is and doesn't care at all who he hurts.  

Answer 2

I believe people can change.  Just be prepared, you already know his history.  Don't be surpised if he winds up cheating.  You can only give him the benefit of the doubt.

Answer 3

only he can answer that.. he has to be content with himself. blaming it on someone else is chicken .... and proof that he does not know himself.. that is like saying "I'm in debt because they give me credit cards"... people have to take responsibility for them selves.. i think she needs to tell him she has a concern and he has to prove himself..

I think a cheater can quit..but, they have to have a dramatic lifestyle change to do so.. like any addiction..  

Answer 4

Of course he'll cheat on your sister. That's his hobby.

Answer 5

Leopard's never change their spots,No matter how perfect it may seem this time around I'm sure he'll find a reason eventually to stray

Answer 6

just tell your sister not to do anything to tick him off! i mean everycouple will  eventually have a rough patch, what will he do when that happens? Cheat? There is no excuse to cheat and i notice you don't say any of his wives cheated on him despite other stuff they did! I would watch him

Answer 7

why it is that it's alway the woman's fault for him cheating.  he just can't stop himself.  he is a pig.  

Answer 8

It sounds like maybe he really does love her. She should give him the chance

Answer 9

Wow, nobody will read that whole thing.  But to answer your question, YES, once a cheater, always a cheater.

Answer 10

i don't believe someone can always be a cheater ONLY if they found someone they're absolutely in love with.

as you said, he cheated because he wasn't fully happy or satisfied or ect. ect.

once someone finds someone that makes every part of their being happy they won't need or even want anyone else

Answer 11

There should never ever be an excuse to cheat. Period. once a cheater, always a cheater. 95% chance that he will cheat on your sister because it sounds to me like he can't take responsibility for anything. What will his excuse for her be? You're too perfect! We don't fight enough?

Answer 12

I think a cheater will continue cheating, until they find one their sure they can be happy with.

I'm sure he was unhappy.  I've been married 3 times myself, and was very unhappy

Answer 13

If someone does something wrong and comes and takes responsibility and is genuinely remorseful then I believe that the person can make a mistake and learn from it.

If someone does something wrong more than twice, I have no doubt that they will do it again if given the opportunity.

If someone blames others for "making them" do something wrong, they have not taken responsibility, they have not learned, and they will do it again.  They will make the opportunity if it does not exist.

You should show this answer to your sister, and save her the heartbreak of giving her heart to someone who will only certainly break it.

Once the honeymoon phase is over in their marriage, he will be out getting some strange.  I know people like him, they will never change.

Answer 14

First of all, this "once a cheater always a cheater" is a gimmick.

People don't cheat because they have to, they cheat because they want to.

Most of my relationships have been monogamous, due to being satisfied.

But I've also had had affairs.

Why? Because those who I've had affairs on, were not satisfying and something was missing in the attraction department or they were boring.

Most cheating happens because something is missing in a relationship.

Answer 15

only if a lion can stop being a lion

Answer 16

wow. that sucks. she should cheat first. if he stays its his karma coming back to him. if he cheats on you after, then you have your answer. once a cheater always a cheater. why would he even say he is a cheater? he is preparing her for it to happen. if you willing to forgive and forget then wait and see. if not leave now.

Answer 17

Contrary to popular myth, people can change if they want to, and are motivated.  Interestingly, the people that preach the most about Xianity changing a person's life are the most vocal about claiming that a person can not change.  

Answer 18

I think it depends on him and what's inside him. I do believe that people can chage but only if that person wants to change. In other words, he's not going to change for someone. Someone may make him want to change but if he doesn't do it for himself, it won't stick. In his case, with his other 3 marriages, he hasn't had a need to change. Honestly, he may need therapy...he's threepeat offender.

Answer 19

He knows he can always find another woman. He's been through four. What's to stop him moving on to number 5? The odds are that he was cheat, although of course miracles do happen. I wouldn't hold my breath and wait, though.  

Answer 20

Your sister sounds like the 1 for him and thier both doing the share of cleaning and work he probably won't cheat

Answer 21

I do think that some people can change if they really try and want to. It sounds like he was never really happy but was looking for that happiness only did not find it til your sister. That happens. People search and search for love and "the one" and you know whether you are the one or not. Men need and want to feel loved and appreciated just as much as we women do so I do not think it is any ones place to judge. Men also have feelings and get lonely and need help and a friend and want to have fun with who they are with and be happy just as much as we want that.

Answer 22

people can change and remember by now he is older and wiser....

but deep down....

I say once a cheater always a cheater....however you are not hearing "the other side of the story".

IMO....if you desire a man never ever to cheat...then you better satisfy him in the bedroom....none of this once or twice a month bull c**p....It isn't like that in the beginng so why change to that....to me...that is why someone cheats.

Answer 23

He may actually have had a run of bad luck... most likely, he chose poorly three times.

there are 2 types of cheaters.

1. The chronic player... no matter what he/she has, cheating will happen.

This kind is pretty rare by percentages.

2. A person who is with a spouse who does one or both of these.

One or more of the primary needs are not being met(s*x, security, friendship, trust... that kind of thing) - the other thing is doing something called a 'love buster'. It's something that to them is a deal breaker... like a man not working or a woman not being sexual... sometimes it can be talking trash or acting better... anything that will kill the love feelings.

Honestly, unless this guy had a ton of counseling I don't think he is ready to be faithful... although I think he wants to be and can... I think he will paint himself in a corner and end up cheating. He may have habits that lead a woman to treat him bad, like not be alpha male enough to put her in her place when she needs it... no respect then...

If his behaviors are the same... expect the same outcome.

Answer 24

tons of prayer

Answer 25

nope.  he's a professional.