Can a child be too close to a parent?

Question

my husband who is the step father to my five yr old, since he was a few months short of being two. our son is on the autistic spectrum, first diagnosed with aspergers, now since he has intervention since two, they changed it to pdd, ocd, adhd, n sensory processing disorder. when he was younger you had to wait to get hugged, or ask for a hug, and he did but with a stiff body.

now that i gave you a bit about our son. the problem is this: my husband feels our son is too intimate with me. my son likes to kiss mommy on the mouth, likes to cuddle up next to me or on my lap. he likes to twirl my hair when he is stressed or tired, when playing around with me he innocently said, so i felt, mommy i love you i am going to marry you. my husband feels he is a sick little boy n i am in denial of it. one day sitting on the floor playing with him, i had plumber pants showing, n my son noticed n pointed it out to his stepfather, which didnt go over well. he says it is not normal for a child of five, problem or no problems or a hormonal child of thirteen would notice his mothers butt crack.i have two step children who are older than my son but they only live with us in the summer months. my husband is very disturbed by my sons behavior, he says his thirteen yr old never did this, or would ever consider looking or saying the things our son does with me.

i have stopped reading to him in our bed, my husband sometimes sleeps on the couch due to back pain, and my son is not a good sleeper, i used to in the early mornings put him into bed with me, i have stopped doing that as well. my son n i have always had a close relationship, and i have never shared the same feelings as my husband, i just see him as an affectionate little boy. But it is bothering me now what my husband says, so i am asking you as a professional, who is right, do i have something to be concerned about? please let me know if you can. thank you kindly, sincerely mother of three.

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Answer 1

I think you need to be worried about your husband, not about your son.  Your son has special needs, (and actually what five year old wouldn't point out a butt crack)  It sounds to me like your husband might be jealous.  You might want to consider family counseling.

Answer 2

it is your husband that has the problem not your son. All he is doing is normal. Your hubby has issues

Answer 3

No i don't think you can be to close but there is a such thing as to protective and the child doesn't get the full potential of development im 33 and still kiss my mother on the mouth its not like his trying to give you a tonuge kiss its just a peck

Answer 4

I just think your husband is jealous because your son is getting all the attention.  My youngest son likes to play with my hair, and sometimes say he loves me, but not marry me .. Well I would recommend seeking professional help if it becomes a problem.  I just think he is just showing affections, as a young child they don't know half of the stuff they say.  I think your husband takes what your son is saying as an adult. He is just a kid.

good luck ...

Answer 5

I'm sorry, but your husband is WRONG!!!  Your little boy is only 5.  My 7 year old still like to cuddle with me sometimes and sometimes when I kiss him goodnight or goodbye,it is a peck on the mouth.  But not in an inappropriate way at all.  My 4 year old daughter tells me she wants to marry my son when she grows up, and I remember saying I wanted to marry my uncle when I was 5.  It's out of the innocence of their age, they don't understand what romantic love is yet.  And regarding the but crack, if my son, or my daughter for that matter, saw a plumbers crack on me, they be cracking up and making fun of me for it.  That's what kids do at that age.  

Tell your husband to chill out, and please don't let his attitude ruin your wonderful relationship with your son.  He will only be little once.  In a few years he'll probably tell you to stay away when his friends are near.  Enjoy it now while you can.

Good luck!

Answer 6

My older brother was a hair twirler, always when he was stressed....And both of my brothers went in and slept in my parents bed all the time until they were around 7. And about the plummers thing...He was just observant...what's the big deal? He saw your butt....it doesn't sound like he did anything weird, and noticing, in and of itself, well I don't see any problem with that. As for the marrying thing, he's five, he doesn't know what marrying someone means. He doesn't know about sexual love or anything of that sort, all he knows is that people get married because they love eachother. When I was five, me and my cousin (also a girl) asked my mom if two girls could get married. I'm not g*y, and I didn't know what it meant. All we thught was that we were best friends and we loved eachother and it would be cool if we could always be together. It's fine that he's affectionate, and as he gets older he'll begin to understand the different types of love and change how he expresses his feelings. Don't worry about it. Try to explain this to your husband, I think he'll understand. Also, personally I don't think it neccesarily has that much to do with your son's disabilities. My older brother has none, and my younger brother has adhd, but I've never thought there was any correlation, I think it's more of a personality thing. If it doesn't bother you, and if you don't think its unhealthy, then it probably isn't. Afterall you know your son better than anyone, you understand him better, especially any illnesses he has. Trust your instincts about his behavior.

Answer 7

Aww no little kids are like that a lot. I've seen movies and real life where little kids say they want to marry their parent of the opposite s*x, but it's just because they don't understand the concept of it. They just mean that they love you. Heck, I even said that to my dad when I was really little. He still teases me about it. haha

Answer 8

Well, it depends on his sicknesses, if he has something serious it could be absouletly normal. after all he is only a little kid. your husband needs to get his mind out of the gutter, Flush the toilet flush the toilet.

Answer 9

Awww he sounds like a sweetheart. Some kids are just more affectionate than others. it sounds to me like the stepdad is jealous and he thinks its weird because his son was less affectionate when he was little. What he's not realizing is that not all kids are like his son. My son is 5 and he also kisses me all the time, sits on my lap and is extra cuddly. He doesn't twirl my hair but he does put his hands on my face often. My son also has a sensory processing disorder and I wonder if that is related to how cuddly our boys are- the physical contact (hair-twirling, face-touching, etc.) could be therapeutic to them. My son also tells me he wants to marry me and I tried to explain that he can't marry his mom and he said "but I want to wear mister clothes and you can wear a princess dress" lol. At this age they don't understand what marriage means- heck, apparently my son just wanted to play dress up. As far as him noticing that you had plumbers crack- lol, he probably just noticed and thought it was odd. I wouldn't think anything more of it. If you were a single parent for some time before meeting your husband that would also explain why your son is so close to you. I'm a single parent and it's been just the two of us since he was born so I think we have a very close relationship too but that's a good thing! It just means you're a loving, responsive and caring parent! Your husband is being insensitive, he's only 5 and just because his son didn't act like your son doesn't mean it's wrong. All kids have different personalities and it's not like your son is going to be 15 and still twirling your hair, wanting to marry you or sleeping in your bed lol. You should be proud of the fact that you've built a strong bond with your son, not worrying if it's too strong. You said that when he was younger it was hard to even get a hug out of him and look how much progress you've made! You sound like a great mom. =]

Answer 10

first.....you need to do what you feel is right.  With your son having these challenges, he is going to progress mentally and emotionally at a slower rate.  Things that children his age may be figuring out about right and wrong and what is or is not appropriate.....he may be later doing.

As for certain issues you bring up.  Cuddling is normal.  Kids are going to notice things....heck my five year old noticed and pointed out "I like boobies".  So now I am just careful about him walking in when I am dressing.  As for reading early in the morning to him, why did you stop?  Were you dressed inappropriately?  

I think if you allow your husband to stop you from being the kind of mother you are and question your relationship with your son, then there is a problem.  I think you need to be who you are.  And there is nothing wrong with your son and you being close.

I would however not encourage the kissing on the mouth.  It's not appropriate.  My son however has told me many times....he wants to daddy to go away so he can marry me, I am his girlfriend.  I just laugh.  It's normal.

Good luck.  i would however suggest you read up on parenting children with his challenges and see what the so called "experts" say.  Unless your husband's children have his same challenges, don't compare apples and oranges.  No two children are the same.  And yours and his are most definitely nothing alike.