Can a man stop me moving overseas with our child?

Question

Never married, never lived together, accidental pregnancy. He's named on birth certificate. He won't commit to me. I need to get on with my life and cannot be expected to be stationary just because we share a child. I have been offered dream job overseas and want to accept, a great opportunity for me and my 5 year old. Child's father has said he will stop me from taking his child out of the UK, selfish sod. Can he really do this. Can that shag after work one night 6 years ago really restrict my liberty so. He only sees his child once a month - his decision. He has a key to my home so he can come whenever he likes but the is the best he will offer.

Answer 1

I think that you really need to say "Hey, you see your kid once a month, I see him/her all the time, I love him/her and want the best for him/her and I think this is the best for him/her."

If this doesn't give him the light, don't let him have a key to your house, and change the parenting contract.

Answer 2

he can get a lawyer to do whatever he wants. so you will have a legal battle on your hands which isnt pretty even if you win. wtf are you doing with letting him have a key to your home, are you insane? change those locks ffs.  

Answer 3

Change your locks and consult a lawyer.  A lawyer would be the only one who could tell you if this man has a legal claim.  This man already made the first move by saying that he would stop you.  Now you need to protect yourself and your child.

Answer 4

he can not control you.

you may have to call the police if he gets too far and settle things in court.

Answer 5

i agree w/ answerer #2.

just GO.

if he really cared, he'd see his kid more than once a month.

GO but dont tell him ur exact address once ur at ur new home.

Answer 6

What you need now is a new lock and key for your home so the father can't come in the house.

Also for everything else find a good lawyer, your child should be able to see the father unless told otherwise.

            J J

Answer 7

He may be able to do whatever he wants with the right lawyer.  Start searching for a powerful lawyer who has proven results..

Answer 8

He could very well file a motion in family court for custody of this child since you are planning to move overseas..parental rights can be enforceable. You would be wise to consider some legal advice on this..he does have rights to his child and he may ask for DNA testing to prove that he is indeed the father of this child. Any time a parent travels you are to inform the other parent if you are traveling or moving out of state or country.

Answer 9

how is he going to stop you?

Get on a plane and GO....

What's he going to do?

Answer 10

yep, he has to go to court to do it but yes he can either force you to stay where you are or lose custody of your son.

if you can prove that he is not an active participant in his child's life then he may not be successful.

Answer 11

Yes, he could go to court and try to stop you leaving.  Not always true that he will be successful, though.

Answer 12

If he is named on the baby's birth certificate then he must sign any passport application, and you cannot take the baby without it.

It could be felony kidnap if you do. With you in jail, that could end up with baby in Dad's care, or in the Welfare System.

Go to court, apply for sole custody, or see if he will give up his rights (and obligations) to the baby, and then do what you need too. Protect yourself and your baby from any legal repercussions that the move may involve.

That is the best path for the both of you.

Answer 13

Unfortunately this man can put the kibosh on your plans. As the childs father he has rights. Seek legal advice.

Answer 14

I don't' know anything about UK laws, but I have to say that I don't' think he is being selfish not wanting you to take his child away. BUT, on the other hand.....once a month?  What kind of Dad is he? Does he pay child support?  I would say that if you have been a good Mom and the main supporter for you child then you do what you need to and he can pay to fly the child to him in the summer for a visit. OR ... get paternity rights done in a court of law and let them tell you what you can do. He COULD take you to court. When we have children our own lives change (for them).   Good luck.

Answer 15

  Totally, absolutely agree with the last poster who also gave you great advice on the rght steps to take.

  At first I was thinking, "Of course he can stop his child leaving the country.  But then I read the part about the only seeing his child once a month when you are basically offering him unlimited visitation....what is he thinking???!!! I would be really pissed off over this too!  You can't make any plans for your life because of a father who barely makes an effort.  If he were regularly visiting her, then it would be in her best interest to be around her Dad and have him involved in her life, but it seems like he doesn't even care.  It's like he has a hold over your life when he doesn't even care that much about his daughter.  It's like you can't have a life because he might feel like coming around to see her..  Yeah, I would be enraged over this.  Do what the last poster said though, because you could get in real trouble for just taking her.  

Answer 16

is he a good father?

YES, legally fathers have rights too. Just because he wont marry you doesnt mean he doesnt deserve to see his child.

If you were so bothered you should have been on the pill, used a condom, or not given it out so easily.

Sorry if I have been rude but its horrible to take a persons child away from them. Me and my childs mother are still together but if we werent we would always consider each other.

Answer 17

Sorry to say it, but he can absolutely limit your movements out of the United Kingdom.  He has a right to see his child and certainly a responsibility to pay maintenance for the child.  If you move out of the UK for more than one month, you will need to get his permission.  

Whether you were married or not is irrelevant, the courts will look to:

1.  The best interests of the child - and it is always within the best interests of a child to have a relationship with their father: whether an alcoholic or drug addict . . . the child has a right to see their father.

2.  How much of a relationship the father has fostered with the child - how often he exercises his visitation rights, if he is responsible - pays maintenance etc.

3.  You would need to give a compelling reason as to why you would want to move abroad with your child and prove that it is in fact, within the best interests of your child to live away from his/her father.

It is a tough situation, I have just been through the same thing but my child's father signed a document giving permission for me to leave my country with his child.  

I suggest you consult with a advocate that specialises in the movement of children across borders.  But, hun, if it makes you feel any better, you are by no means the first person to be in this situation and many before you have had to go through a process.  If the courts believe that he is merely being malicious by not allowing you your freedom, then that may stand in your advantage.  But you need proof - emails, letters and BE VERY CAREFUL AS TO WHAT YOU PUT INTO WRITING.  Never be aggressive.  My suggestion is try keep it amicable between your ex and yourself and seek mediation - together.  

Good Luck, you will find a way - it is just a matter of getting your ex on your side (long process) and if need be proving why he does not want you to move abroad.  You have to be on your toes and know what information to give out and extract from him.

Oh, and keep a log of every interaction you have with him - whether it be a text message, conversation over the phone . . . I suggest you send yourself an email each time you have communication with him - this way not only are you keeping a good record but they entries are 'date stamped'.  Only state the facts in your log - he said " . . . . ", I said ". . . ".

If he is simply being malicious, you have a case but again, you will need to prove it.  Always take the moral high ground, don't let him upset you - keep a cool head and keep your eye on that goal.

ps.  I can send you a copy of the document my ex signed.  It had to be signed before a public notary.  It may need some tweaking for UK law, although the letter had to be signed to get my son his UK settlement Visa and was done in accordance to British entry requirements.  Exit requirements may differ . . . but it may give you an idea.

Answer 18

He can't stop YOU from leaving, but yes he can prevent the child from leaving.  Since you were never married you MAY be able to get a court to give you sole custody of the child (which would forego any child support you are currently receiving) and then he can do nothing.  Good luck.

Answer 19

I would get a flight and fly away without telling him.  

Answer 20

EASY ANSWER.  If he's paid you child support since the birth, then NO.  If he hasn't paid you child support since the birth, then YES go for it.

He won't want the trouble it will cause him financially by pursuing legal means to stop you.  A guys gotta pay or he can't play!!

Answer 21

Well, You've gotta think, you might not like the farther of the child, but the farther probs loves the child, and the child needs a farther.

I mean, taking the job, and taking a kid away from his dad, should be a difficult choice, its not like your child can go visit his father when he wants.

Sorry to say, but are you being the selfish one for taking the job, and by taking the child from HIS farther, and the farther away from HIS child?

By no means stay stationary, but think about it from the childs and farthers point of few.

Hope it helps.

Answer 22

Firstly I would not let him have a key to your home for starters.

As a father he does have rights and he could go to court to stop you moving over seas. If you just take her then you may get charged with kidnap.

You need to get some lagal advice over this. It does sound like a great opportunity for you and daughter though. If he is that bothered then he could move too surely?