Can adoption be looked at thru rose colored glasses?

Question

I want adoption reform, because it should be about what is best for the child. Adoption should not be a money making business. Adoption should be about placing children in need in homes where they can grow up in a loving stable enviroment. Most on here want that a reform in adoption, not doing away with adoption altogether. There is a slight few who want adoption done away with.

To whomever keeps deleting my questions..i will keep posting you will not shut me up just because i want adoption reforms.

I 'm asking about how some people think adoption is so perfect. Nothing is perfect and needs refinement from time to time. There needs to be guidelines that are in place to protect all involved in the process. both adoptive parents and biological parents can be taken advantage of.it only makes sense to make sure things are done right. adoption shouldn't be a money making business it should be about the children!

Answer 1

I believe that all adoptions should be handled by non-profit agencies that actually don't make a profit, and that their employees shouldn't be paid the extreme salaries that they are.  I wish there were ways for mothers to meet the adoptive parents and bond with them before the baby is born, so a relationship can be possibly established if they desire an open adoption.  We did a private adoption through a local attorney.  We did everything legally, including home study, court hearings, etc., and we invited the first mom to live with us during her pregnancy, so that way the baby would hear our voices, and be accustomed to the sounds in our home.  He is such a beautiful happy baby, and I wish she would visit him, but she doesn't.  I feel guilty over having this beautiful blessing, and I wonder where she is, and if she's o.k.  I heard the other day, that she is doing drugs again, and pregnant again.  When I was told about her, and went to meet her, her words were, "I am so relieved, I didn't know what to do."  There needs to be more people to do home studies privately, and not charge outrageous prices.  

I believe the main problem in our country though, is all the unprotected s*x, and the fact that there are no consequences to actions many times.  I believe it's Sweden that if a man fathers a child, he pays not only for the child's care, home and everything, he also pays the mother's rent, utilities, and everything until the child is school age, possibly more.  That in itself puts a damper on unprotected s*x.  Schools have been having debates about teaching s*x education, however, I believe that if a teen asks the school nurse for protection (including the pill, shot, etc), after an exam, they should be able to give it!  If the kids (and adults) who are going to have s*x would protect themselves better, there wouldn't be such a need to have foster care and adoptions.

I also think that if a parent has more than 2 kids and doesn't provide for those children (whether child support, or buying what they need) that those people ought to be steralized so there aren't any more unwanted kids, or kids who might be wanted, but wanted for more reasons than another welfare check or revenge on someone.

Answer 2

You said it yourself, nothing is perfect!  There's loads of messed up laws out there.   I guess that's how the saying "Life's not fair" came about.  As far as it being a money business, if you adopt older children from foster care the state usually pays for it and what's being paid for is attorney fees, etc...Infant adoptions are done through private agencies that's why the adopting party has to pay so much, b/c they're paying the attorney fees...

Answer 3

Didn't you already ask this question today?

Oh wait, someone is deleting your question?  How does that happen?

Answer 4

Good luck!!!

I have tried to adopt 3 separate times and failed every time!  (2 times Mom changed her mind & the last time was thru foster care). I have yet to find somone who is interested in the child and not the money.  Everyone claims that children do better in a 2 parent household, but I sure don't see the state ripping kids away from single moms, parents in the miltary or after one parent has died.  It makes zero sense.  I am so attached to the (foster) child I have and same for him. But the state doesn't see it that way. And they flat out don't care.  They lied to me, to the child, the birth mom and in court.  But I am an ignorant single woman- HOW could I possibly know what this child needs.  I am giving him back to the state tomorrow.  His therapist claims it will be detrimental to him to leave me, but the state refuses to let me adopt.  I am already thousands of dollars in the red.  Emotionally, mentally and financially I am drained.  I have fought and fought and the giant is too big.

Don't get me started as to how much time his caseworker DIDN'T spend with him.  We have had 6 in 1 yr and seen 3 of them.  One I couldn't pick out in a police line up.  But yet, they are the ones who make the decisions....

As I said, good luck.  I am out of foster care forever and will buy a dog before I attempt to be a parent of a child.

(Oh, did I mention I was a nanny for 11 years, worked in child care, have an associates degree in child development and am working on getting my bachelors. I bet that's my problem.  My BA is in PR & not child development...what other qualifications do I need? I know of many married moms raising their kids by themselves.)

Answer 5

Healing - you sound to be really, really angry.   Why is that?

Answer 6

Of course people can look at adoption through "rose colored glasses".  It happens all of the time, though generally by the time an adoptive parent goes through the process, they are more educated than when they were first considering adoption.  

There is always room for improvement and refinement of the process.  The safeguards don't always work, people slip through the cracks and there are some who do make tidy salaries.  

Adoption is supposed to be about finding homes for children that need one.  There is a considerable legal process involved which isn't free, but the adoption process costs should be limited to the pricetag on that legal process, plus services rendered to the agency at a fair compensation: classes, paying staff, keeping lights on, etc.

ETA: Tish, you forgot adoptive parents.  Surely our experiences count for something.  Going through the process on the other end often does a good job of banishing illusions.

Answer 7

yes... especially by people who have never:

1- been pregnant

2-considered placing a child for adoption'

3- relinquished a child

4-experienced coercion from the adoption industry

5-been an adoptee who feels disconnected from his/her natal family

ETA: jennifer, you're right.  not all aparents believe that adoption is "rosy" and  happy-go-lucky.  mea culpa

Answer 8

NO BUT ABORTION SURE CAN BE.

I'D ABORT BEFORE I'D POP ANYTHING OUT OF MY KOOCH

Answer 9

I agree with you 100%! Too many times the current system of for-profit agencies exploits EVERYONE involved in the adoption. Just to make money. And that is just WRONG! Adoption should not be a for-profit business. That is like selling babies. It is immoral and unethical and should not be done this way in a civilized society.

And I'm sorry someone keeps deleting your questions. I have always found you to be very reasonable and I'm very glad you came back. Appeal, appeal, appeal!

Answer 10

As an adoptive parent I do not look through rose colored glasses but have met other APs who do. They refuse to think coercion can happen, assume that their adoptive child will have no abandonment issues or attachment problems.

I think those that refuse to see the bad in adoption do it cause they just want a child so bad that they block out the bad and only listen to the positive things said.

Answer 11

It can be seen through rose-colored glasses and, societally, it pretty much is.  How many times on Y!A alone have I seen someone ask "How can anybody be against adoption?"  Dozens, it seems.

Adoption continues to be presented as a win-win-win situation (a'parents win, first mother wins, adoptee wins).  But no party in adoption always wins except the agencies.

Adoption can seem perfect because happy a'parents who finally have a family are the ones most likely to talk most loudly about adoption.  First mothers have traditionally been expected to shut up and be ashamed of themselves (although this is changing) and adoptees have been expected to shut up and be grateful they were "resuced" (this too is changing).

And yes, it is supposed to be about homes for children who need them, but that's always really just been adoption's cover story.  It's always really been about finding infants for people who want them.  Add to this the fact that infant adoption is getting rarer, which is perceived as a "supply drying up," a problem rather than something to be celebrated, and you can see why most people don't want to hear anything negative about adoption.